Hi Daniel
I can understand where you're coming from. It makes perfect sense. I think what doesn't make sense if how we're led to 'wing it' when it comes to gradually getting to know our self.
I imagine if we all started off with the ability to be a nice guy or a nice gal then we'd all start off on the same level. So, 'nice' is everyone's foundation, which would make life so much easier and far less depressing at times. Taking the 'nice' foundation and building upon it should perhaps be the goal we're all led to achieve. You'd have a nice guy/gal who's an adventurer, a nice guy/gal who's a good listener. Same goes for being a good lighthearted joker, philosopher, thinker, carer to others, lover of self and so on. Imagine having conscious lessons in developing the adventurer, listener, lighthearted joker, philosopher, thinker, carer to others, lover of self etc. Would make life so easy, that's for sure. So, where are the lessons? You can have the foundation of 'nice' without the lessons, when it comes to the craft of building upon that.
While I have much to continue building in my life myself, I think of the frustrations of being married to a nice guy who's lacking in what the relationship really needs, in my opinion. He is a nice guy who doesn't fully listen to what he feels needs work or is stressful, from his perspective. He's a nice guy who has no interest in adventuring or philosophising or wondering about a variety of stuff. So, with the foundation of being a nice guy, the relationship remains uninteresting. It's hard for me to maintain any interest in it.
Daniel, you have the foundations of a nice guy who is open minded and desires growth. This is a magnificent combination. You're a grower or a builder in the making, a craftsman in the process of crafting. I know it's hard but don't underestimate your abilities as a craftsman. Whatever it is you wish to build, develop it. You're such an incredibly brilliant person, in my opinion. From my experience, as I come to make greater sense of the darker moments in my past, the brilliance begins to grow and grow. I believe this is how consciousness works; it's a brilliance that grows over time, with greater awareness.
:)