Not sure where to turn so thought I’d post on here. Got a phone call on Monday night to say that my best friend from high school had passed away and that they believe it’s suicide (he left a note and his housemates found him when they got home from work). He lives interstate but we still kept in pretty close contact. He’d seemed pretty quiet over the last few months but I assumed it was just because he was busy with work, and sometimes he’d do volunteer work overseas. Otherwise he seemed perfectly himself and I genuinely thought he was ok.
I definitely feel like i could’ve done more to help, and if not then I just think I must’ve been a really terrible friend. He was a trusted friend, a massive support to me during some dark times and also just so much fun to hang out with. He was the first person I came out as gay to (I’m from a strict fundamentalist Christian family and so for me to trust him with that was a really big thing for me).
It feels selfish for saying this but I honestly don’t know how to deal with how I’m feeling about this. I’m struggling to concentrate on anything, sometimes I’m quite teary and other times I just feel nothing at all. I’m struggling to sleep and I honestly just feel like a massive part of my life is permanently changed.
I don’t feel like I have anyone left to talk to about this. The only person I’m regularly in contact with is a guy at the gym who I workout with, and while I feel like I could trust him with telling him I also don’t want to be a burden on anyone, and it also feels like a weird place to being up this topic.
Anyway thanks for reading this, not sure anything can be done but I appreciate it.