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Forums / Grief and loss / Both parents passed away

Topic: Both parents passed away

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tc1
    Tc1 avatar
    4 posts
    15 July 2018

    Hi I’m struggling as both my parents passed away Mum 9 months ago she dropped dead of a Brain hemorrhage

    i landed in the uk monday she died suddenly Tuesday I keep playing it over and over in my head the last time I saw her dying and that it was my fault as ihad not seen her for 3.5 years......

    i feel guilty for not seeing her for so long I’m at my wits end thinking about how it all happened and can’t belive both my parents have gone!!!

    Tracey

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Peppermintbach
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    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    15 July 2018 in reply to Tc1

    Hi Tc1,

    I’m deeply sorry for your losses. The feelings must all be so overwhelming. I feel the heaviness of your heart in your words...

    Your beautiful mum’s sudden and unexpected departure must have shaken you to the very core.

    I don’t know either how a person comes to terms with it. I once read somewhere that “grief has no expiration date”... I feel there’s a lot of wisdom in those words.

    You’re in my thoughts tonight...if you need to chat, emotionally purge, etc, write whenever you feel like it...

    Gentle and kind thoughts,

    Pepper

    2 people found this helpful
  3. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15548 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Tc1

    Hello Tracy, I am just sorry and offer my sincere condolences for the loss of your parents.

    There is never a time we expect this to happen because we don't believe it possibly could, we love them too much and always hope they will be there whenever we need them.

    You can't blame yourself, unfortunately, that's what we do but it's not something we can ever prepare ourselves for.

    Give yourself time to grieve, that will happen at any point and there is never a right or wrong way to grieve and certainly, no time limit, and I know from when my Mum passed away the pain slowly decreases but there is always a place in my heart where she belongs.

    Take care of yourself Tracy my thoughts are with you.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. White Rose
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    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    16 July 2018 in reply to Tc1

    Dear Tracey

    Thank you posting here and for being able to reach out for help. Welcome to the forum. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mom and dad. Like many older people here, both my parents have died. Each time I was in Australia and it was so difficult. I have some understanding of the sadness in your life.

    Be happy that you did see mom for a brief time before she passed away. I know having long distance family is hard and returning frequently to the UK is expensive. So you did what you could and I am sure you kept in touch. It doesn't help your grief much I know, but consider this, you would still be grieving even if you had lived next door to mom. So please do not give yourself a hard time with guilt.

    I know stories from others about loss are not always helpful so I will keep this brief. My dad died before I could afford a trip to the UK and mom died several years after my last trip. Yes I felt guilty because I knew my dad was dying and could not go. Although I did not know how seriously ill my mom was I did not rush off to see her. She always seemed to get well again.

    So lots of grief and guilt. I did what you are doing, sit in my home and cry. At work I had to fight to stop crying. Please be reassured your mom loved you and you managed a last short time with her. That's all that matters. Your overwhelming grief will pass and settle into sadness when you remember you will not see her again. We can tell ourselves all sorts of logical things but it does not help grief.

    In the end we must sit it out and wait for our grief to settle to a gentle mourning. It will happen I know and I want you to hang on to this thought, that gut wrenching pain will slowly subside. Your guilt I think is a product of your sadness. Let the guilt go, it was not your fault you did not see your mom earlier because no one knows the time when they will pass away. Keep the best memories.

    Have you thought of holding a memorial service for mom and dad? Not necessarily a formal service in a church or other venue but perhaps a gathering at your home. It will give you a time to mourn with others who knew your mom and dad. Get out the photos and talk their lives. You may cry but it is a huge help to be able to talk about your parents in this way.

    I hope all goes well.

    Mary

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Tc1
    Tc1 avatar
    4 posts
    25 July 2018 in reply to White Rose
    Hi Mary thank you for your message it really made me feel better x
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Tc1
    Tc1 avatar
    4 posts
    25 July 2018 in reply to Peppermintbach
    Thank you Pepper for your reply x
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Tc1
    Tc1 avatar
    4 posts
    25 July 2018 in reply to geoff
    Thank you Geoff for your message x
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Imawombat
    Imawombat avatar
    18 posts
    27 July 2018 in reply to Tc1

    Hi Tracy , sorry to hear about your mother , I lost my father from the same thing 22 years ago and I hadn't seen him for a while . I don't have a mother either so both gone too.

    Take care of your self .

    Cheers Imawombat

    1 person found this helpful
  9. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11264 posts
    28 July 2018 in reply to Tc1

    Dear Tc1

    My sincere condolences on the loss of your mum (and dad)

    I hope you can let us embrace you as a person that is grieving with the loss of both parents

    Wombat said everything above....Please take good care of yourself

    Here for you Tc1

    my respectful and thoughts for you

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful

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