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Forums / Grief and loss / How to cope with the loss of my Dad

Topic: How to cope with the loss of my Dad

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ms D
    Ms D avatar
    4 posts
    27 January 2016

    I recently lost my Dad on New Years day after a 10 year illness. Each day it seems to get harder not easier. I feel like I have lost a piece of myself and I have no idea how to deal with his loss.

    I'm not used to feeling such overwhelming intense sadness. I don't sleep, I can't concentrate on anything and I physically feel unwell.  

    He was such an amazing man, an amazing Dad and Pop to my 2 young boys.

    I don't know how to process what I'm feeling.

  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11264 posts
    27 January 2016 in reply to Ms D

    Dear Ms D, I am so very sorry to hear about your dad.....There are no words that can come close to what you are going through. I dont know how you feel Ms D. I still have my dad. I have lost my big brother years ago and it still effects me now. And yes...you are right...it seems to get harder with the chronic sadness, lack of sleep and concentration let alone feeling physically sick. I remember the feeling of dread and loss from 1983 and its awful.

    You mentioned that he was a amazing man....and Grand Dad too (it must be difficult for your boys as well)

    The fact that you were so very close speaks volumes about your grief Ms D. You have also been caring and there for your dad during his 10 year illness. I have never gone through a protracted period of decline with anyone le alone a parent.

    It seems futile even saying this to you right now in your early stages of grieving Ms D......and for that I apologise to you sincerely. Your grieving will continue.....however...you (and your boys) are so very fortunate to have had such a strong bond with your dad I envy that bond.....because I wish I had/have such a strong bond.

    Not being able able to process what you are feeling is the Love you had for your dad (not to mention his illness for 10 years)

    Just politely asking you if you have a support network of any type? (Family...a friend?) I have two people that I can bounce off....do you have anyone you can lean on in this difficult time? If you have or havent please write back.

    I hope you do Ms D , and very strong of you to jump on here and reach out.....Your spirit is strong....Well Done!

    Enough words from me....My name is Paul and my sincere condolences for the loss of your dad....

    If i may...can I send a hug to you?

    Be gentle to yourself Ms D

    Kindest Thoughts

    Paul

     

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7524 posts
    28 January 2016 in reply to Ms D

    Hello Ms D

    I know you are feeling such an overwhelming sadness. My arms are around you now, in hope you will feel some sort of comfort. I'm so so sorry for your loss of your precious dad. So sorry.

    With much love to you and your two little boys.

    Shelley xxx

     

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    28 January 2016

    Dear Ms D

     

    Like with the other posters, I too would like to extend my deepest sympathies to you with the very sad loss of your beloved Dad.

     

    As it occurred just on New Year’s Day, it is no time at all since and as a result, things will be still in a large state of turmoil, sadness, confusion for you.  The stages of grief possibly haven’t even started for you as this is still so new, so raw.

     

    I lost my Dad in 2007 and I still miss him and it still hurts so much to know that he’s not here anymore.  I lost my Mum about 15 months ago and the feelings are the same.  I had wonderful connections with both of them, and that makes it just so much harder.  I’ve gathered that from you that your Dad and you had an awesome relationship as well.

     

    This feeling of intense sadness and loss is going to be with you for some time – that is my feeling – just judging by your post.  The thing is, there is nothing wrong with that.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve – we are all different and as such, each of us grieves in very different ways.  The important thing for you to remember is that however you are feeling, then that IS how you are feeling – it’s not wrong, it’s just you and you are dealing with this in the manner you are best able to.

     

    I won’t ramble on more on this for the time being, but would love to hear back from you, if you feel posting here helps.  Also if you’ve got any questions or comments to make or share, then please know that they would be welcome too.

     

    Kind regards

     

    Neil

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Guest_2350
    Guest_2350 avatar
    585 posts
    29 January 2016 in reply to Ms D

    Dear Ms D,

    I am so sorry to read that you have lost your Dad. I always struggle to put condolences in words, as words will never be enough to soften your hurt.

    It has not even been 1 month since your Dad has passed away and everything is still raw and new. Please take your time to grief. Like Neil says, each of us grieves in their own way and every unique way is ok. My family went through all different sorts of phases and different sorts of grief and we had to learn to accept eachothers way to grieve for the same person.

    Please take all the time you need and look after yourself. Often we can forget ourselves and our feelings when we are taking care of a family, but it is important to seek help if you need to. I am especially concerned for you as you mention a long illness. Come back to this forum and share how you are or connect to the support line here, sometimes it is just good to talk about your feelings and what is happening.

    Take care, Yggy

    1 person found this helpful
  6. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11264 posts
    31 January 2016 in reply to Ms D

    Hi Ms D

    Just seeing how you are going....I remembered you mentioned that you don't know how to process how you are feeling....that is an awful feeling....even though you had the strength to get on here...Well Done Again

    If you wish, please let us know how you are going Ms D

    Be Gentle to Yourself

    Paul

     

  7. Ms D
    Ms D avatar
    4 posts
    31 January 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Thankyou Paul for your kind words and support. I am taking it a day at a time and trying to remember all of the amazing times I had with my Dad and the memories I have of him. 

    I have managed some sleep in the last few days and that always makes life a little brighter. 

    I do have friends to talk to, albeit awkwardly as they don't know how to help but they are there and trying. 

    I still feel at odds with my body and my feelings, feeling like something is missing and no idea how to work around it.

    But thank you again for letting me share and vent and thank you to all that have posted for me. It is much appreciated. 

     

     

  8. Ms D
    Ms D avatar
    4 posts
    31 January 2016 in reply to Neil_1

    Thankyou Neil and thankyou for reassuring me that it's ok to feel what I am feeling.

    With so much happening at the moment, my youngest son is starting school, my sister about to have a baby and trying to support my mum, it almost feels like I've put pressure on myself to be ok and just get on with things.  Silly no?! 

     

  9. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    1 February 2016

    Dear Ms D

     

    Thank you for your latest responses.

     

    Isn’t that the way things just go?  Life continues on and we must stay on the ride, we simply have to.  Your young son will be needing you for support with the commencement of his schooling.

     

    Then there’s a new bub on the way – but all these things still doesn’t detract from the very sad loss of your Dad.

     

    You mentioned, “Silly no?!” – and there is no way that is silly at all – you simply have to work through this how you feel is best.  No-one else can tell you how to get through this time – you have to do what is best for you and if you feel like coming here and posting more, it would be really lovely to keep hearing from you.

     

    Kind regards

     

    Neil

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