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Forums / Grief and loss / I was a monster

Topic: I was a monster

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. masopaul
    masopaul avatar
    1 posts
    11 March 2021

    I have treated so many people badly and in particular my sister and her husband who then passed away.

    Some of the last words mentioned to him were that I was sorry for how I treated him and he accepted the apology well he said he did.

    She says she forgives me and I have poured tears in front of her but I just don't understand how she could forgive me.

    its been nearly 7 years

  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15310 posts
    12 March 2021 in reply to masopaul

    Hello Masopaul, can we offer you a warm welcome to the site and unfortunately we don't know of the situation you have mentioned, but when you apologise to someone may or may not be accepted by the person the way you had wished it to be said, as it may not include any previous comments or how you have behaved to them before, so it's only for what's just happened so they are still unsure whether or not you want to be friends again or just saying you're sorry for now.

    Apologising to a person doesn't necessarily make you friends, it's just being polite for what's just happened and it won't guarantee they will agree with you about something in the future, so a physical distance is placed between the two of you.

    If for example there's a close friend I speak to every day but have made a comment which doesn't please them or they can possibly don't agree with and then apologise, this can affect our relationship from being close to being distanced and losing contact with.

    Then there maybe a situation where you feel guilty about what you've said and they accept your apologies, but you can't understand why, then isn't this true friendship, we can't always agree on everything, even if you have a twin.

    Accept how they feel and the more you query their decision only creates a hurdle for you to jump, one you may not have to do.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  3. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12409 posts
    12 March 2021 in reply to masopaul

    Masopsul

    I too welcome you to the forum. It it can be hard to admit yiu have treated people badly do I admire your honesty,.

    Geoff has given you a supportive reply.

    I think sometimes other people can forgive us but we can not forgive ourselves.

    I suppose when someone has not apologised at all or acknowledged how their words or actions upset me I find it hard to forgive,

    . The fact someone apologises and makes the effort to explain makes it easy to forgive.

    Feel free to post more here if yiu warn to. It is a. Rey interesting topic that many can relate to.

    when I was manic I upset many people and apologised but I still felt guilty and found it.

  4. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8756 posts
    12 March 2021 in reply to masopaul

    Hi masopaul,

    I too welcome you to the community here. If you don't mind me asking, how is your relationship with your sister now?

    Maybe more importantly is, how is your relationship with yourself?

    I know I have hurt many people with my mental health issues, I have not meant to. At times it seems as though my mind takes over an d I have very little control of my behaviour. I do apologise. I wish I had never been like that in the first place.

    I can not change what has happened. Like you, I can apologise and I can try to move forward.

    Relationships may never be the same or as we desire them to be, but we do have an opportunity to make relationships the best they can be at this moment in time.

    I hope you can find some self forgiveness as well.

    Regards from Dools

  5. ktac1689
    ktac1689 avatar
    57 posts
    8 May 2021 in reply to masopaul

    Hi Masopaul,

    Please do not be so hard on yourself, you treated your sister and brother in law badly and while this is not acceptable behaviour you owned it and apologised and meant it. I am sure your brother in law accepted your apology as did your sister.

    Why can’t you believe your sister forgives you? From what you said I feel that she did. I feel you need to forgive yourself too. You are human, as humans we make mistakes. Sometimes we make big ones. But then we keep going.

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