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Forums / Grief and loss / My Dad just died!

Topic: My Dad just died!

27 posts, 0 answered
  1. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8003 posts
    4 September 2020

    I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him.

    I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy.

    My husband is on his way home, it will take him a couple of hours.

    The police called into my sister's home and told her Dad has died.

    I phoned my Minister and he said "That will happen. People die." I told him I had to go.

    I don't know why I am sharing this here. I don't know what else to do right now.

    I don't even know if this post is suitable for the forums.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Aaronsis
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Oh Dools

    I am so unbelievably sorry that you have had to have this news, it is heartbreaking to lose a person we love and I am sorry you are alone too. You are very strong to find your way here when you do know that we are just a keyboard away at anytime to be with you and to sit with you, at least until your husband gets home.

    I am sending you all the strength and support I have right now and to extend all my heartfelt care for you.

    I am so sorry the Minister was so matter of fact to you when you needed some support, that is hard to hear. Yes, people die but a bit of warmth and comfort would have been nice too.

    Hugs to you Dools xxx

    Sarah xx

    3 people found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs dools

    I am so so sorry.

    You are probably in shock now. I hope you can find someone to be with you.

    Sending warm hugs and kind thoughts.

    3 people found this helpful
  4. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8003 posts
    4 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Sarah and Quirky,

    My sister and I are travelling together tomorrow to stay at Mum and Dad's home with other family. It is a 4 hour journey, at least we will be together.

    Thank you for your kind words, I greatly appreciate them.

    Due to the suddenness of Dad's death, a funeral will be weeks away. Not sure what will happen with Covid business! Guess we will find out.

    Not sure I will be taking my lap top with me, so thanks for the messages.

    Cheers from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Dear Mrs Dools..

    I am so deeply very sorry..

    We are so pleased you did share it in here...You are family Mrs Dools..

    My deepest condolences..My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...

    sending some warm comfy hugs precious lady..

    Please talk here if you need to..we are all here for you with our love and care..

    Grandy...

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Shelll
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    Oh Mrs D, I am ever so sorry. Gentle hug
    3 people found this helpful
  7. blondguy
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    I am so sorry Dools..I have no words....only hugs..Paul

    4 people found this helpful
  8. white knight
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    4 September 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Dear Dools

    Im sorry for this sad news.

    please ignore the flippant comments from friends and your minister. They don’t realise the gravity of your situation,

    TAKE CARE

    TonyWK

    4 people found this helpful
  9. Elizabeth CP
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    4 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    I'm not sure what to say other to say I agree with the other posters. I'm glad you will have time with your mum & sister. While it true we all die & as a Christian we believe the person who has died will be in a better place now but that doesn't stop us from missing the person & feeling grief & loss. Those are normal human feelings. Look after yourself. I hope you get a chance to share some happy memories with your family to help you cope with this difficult time. When I lost my dad I really needed time with my brother to share our memories. Unfortunately my sister was OS in hospital so not available.
    2 people found this helpful
  10. geoff
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    5 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    I'm so sorry Dools, my heart goes out to you, and I wish you nothing but comfort and strength in this time of sorrow.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    5 September 2020 in reply to geoff

    Dear Precious friends of the BB forum,

    Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I greatly appreciate your kind words, sympathy and sentiments.

    My Dad was always an active member in his community. The last few years he was very much singularly involved in a community creation that helped others. He had been lugging bags of cement, wood, wheelbarrows and goodness knows what else up and down hills just before his death.

    That is partly why his death has come as such a shock. He was so well and fit, at least on the outside.

    While in Dad's home town, I will be able to walk around and sit in my Dad's creation. Hopefully others will take up his efforts and preserve what he has created. If not, that is okay as well.

    Yes Elizabeth, I do believe in life after death. In my mind last night I saw my Dad hugging my children for me and being reunited with his own son, my brother who died so young.

    We all have many happy memories to share about Dad.

    Once again I thank you all for reaching out to me, it means so very much.

    I want to encourage you all to reach out to those around you. We never know how long we have together.

    Cheers form Dools

    5 people found this helpful
  12. Elizabeth CP
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    5 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    reading your comment 'In my mind last night I saw my Dad hugging my children for me and being reunited with his own son, my brother who died so young.
    We all have many happy memories to share about Dad.'

    brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you had that lovely thought to hold on to. I remember my brother arranged for a friend to help him pick flowers & greenery from dad's favourite plants in his garden to decorate the coffin. I remember imagining him looking down with his parents & brother & sister pointing out the beautiful plants he'd grown & sharing that part of his life with his loved ones. We never saw his family after we left UK when I was little. Enjoy any piece of comfort you can get at this time. Memories are precious!!!!

    3 people found this helpful
  13. smallwolf
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    5 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey Dools :(

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Not sure if/when you will get to see and read this post, but know that I am thinking of you.

    Peace to you,

    2 people found this helpful
  14. Just Sara
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    5 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    My kindest and warmest thoughts go out to you in this time of grief Mrs D; 💌✝

    By what you've said, your Dad seemed a strong and productive man filled with community spirit until his untimely death. That's a credit to him and a wonderful legacy for his family and community.

    I hope time with your sister can help heal each other's pain. As has been said, sharing memories has its place in the grieving process, so give your inner child a hug as well.

    My sincere commiserations;

    Sez xo

    1 person found this helpful
  15. quirkywords
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    5 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    I found that your image of your dad hugging your children to be so moving.

    I hope being close to where your dad lived will help you.

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    6 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Thank you All,

    Your words an sentiments mean a lot to me.

    It has been a very different Father's Day.

    As a family we went to one of Dad's favourite places and spent some time there.

    My sister and I went for an early morning walk to the area Dad was working on for the community. In my mind, Dad was there talking about the area and pointing out special bits and pieces.

    Not sure what else to write. This is a strange time. It feels like I have been here for a week already.

    Cheers all from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  17. quirkywords
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    7 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    when a loved one dies suddenly it means one is in shock. There was not one prepare unlike when a loved one is sick. It must be hard for you but I am glad you have your family offering you support and love. It must be comforting to b e in a place where your dad lived.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8003 posts
    7 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and All,

    This is the place where I was born and where I grew up. People have offered to help to put on an afternoon tea this week.

    People are stopping to say hello and offer condolences if they see any of us up the street or out the front of the house.

    We are all so thankful we are not in a state of Australia with strict Covid restrictions. My heart goes out to everyone who is in that situation. We are truly blessed to be together and able to share Dad's memory with others.

    I still expect Dad to walk in the door telling us this has just been a joke!

    Cheers all from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Shelll
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    8 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Gentle hug Mrs D

    Shelley

    1 person found this helpful
  20. SapereAude
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    15 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    I’m so sorry Dools. Wishing you and your family all the best. Don’t be afraid to seek professional support. Everyone deals with their grief in their own special way. I hope you can keep us updated if you feel up to talking. It won’t be easy and will take time but you have our support.

  21. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    16 September 2020 in reply to SapereAude

    Hi SapereAude,

    Thanks for your kind words. My Dad's funeral is this week. It has been a time of many mixed emotions. Thankfully as a family we have managed to stick together. Some moments have been tough.

    In the past I have sought out grief counselling, after the loss of our children, with various degrees of unsuccess.

    One lady told me I should be thankful I don't have children. Another told me to write about my sorrow to the tune of Happy Birthday. The third used the whole session to tell me about her dead baby brother, when ever I tried to turn the session back to me, she talked over the top of me.

    Maybe it is just me. I didn't find those sessions to be very helpful.

    People are now telling me I should be thankful Dad died so quickly. I am but I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

    One lady was surprised I took time off work the day after he died! He was my Dad, not some goldfish you just flush down the toilet and replace the next day.

    I know people mean well, or at least I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that is their intentions!

    Saying goodbye is tough.

    Cheers from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Quercus
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    16 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    Hi Mrs D,

    I finally found your thread, sorry to write so late. My brain hasn't been functioning well lately.

    One thing I'm learning about grief is there is no 'proper' way to grieve. Whatever you feel is what you feel, anyone who judges or tells you how you should do perhaps needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

    I'm sorry about you not getting to speak to your Dad. Unexpected passings are very hard to cope with I agree.

    Also am so relieved you get to have a funeral for him and m farewell and celebrate him at least. I find it very hard to accept our friend is gone without the funeral.
  23. Quercus
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    16 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof
    Grr. Phone is crap.

    Just wanted to add I don't know how to help but wish I knew.

    You said you keep waiting for your Dad to appear and say it was a joke and that hit home deep. I hear a truck from the house and think it is our friend and I'll get to ask him about his skiing holiday and show the progress on the rock walls. It hurts.

    Massive hug to you Mrs D.

    Love Nat
  24. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    16 September 2020 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Nat,

    Sorry to read about the death of your friend. Yes, we are very fortunate to be able to have a funeral, to be together and to celebrate my Dad's life. We are all very thankful for that. I don't know how people manage to say goodbye in their hearts and minds otherwise. I guess people find a way.

    Grief is an individual experience. We all deal with it in our own way. I'm not sure what my way is yet with my Dad.

    Being here at home is very different for me than it will be for my Mum who is going to be returning to a home without her husband.

    I've been wanting to write Dad a letter. Maybe the words will come later.

    Thank you for your kind words, they help a lot Nat.

    Thinking of you and your own grief.

    Regards from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  25. quirkywords
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    16 September 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    Grief is so individual yet we often compare our grief to others. I cried in a supermarket in frozen section but not at the funeral when my mum died.

    My first letter to my dad a few days after he died was just I miss you I love I didnt say goodbye and just repeated that for half a page. You will write when it feels right.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Ggrand
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    16 September 2020 in reply to Quercus

    Hello Dear Mrs. Dools..

    Thinking of you and you’re family Mrs. Dools...

    Grief can come at any time, and any place precious lady...and their is no wrong way or right way to grieve...

    I believe our heart, soul and emotions needs to release the grief at the time they needs to..

    Hugs and Peace...🕊.

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Doolhof
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    17 September 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Quirky and Grandy,

    Yes, we do all grieve in our own ways and I have read previously there are various steps to grief.

    Grief has been a part of my life since my babies died. The pain and sadness can become less intense, the memories linger.

    I need to be kind to myself and to allow my thoughts and feelings to be expressed somehow.

    Thanks for your understanding and caring.

    Cheers from Dools

    1 person found this helpful

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