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Forums / Grief and loss / Never done this before

Topic: Never done this before

  1. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3286 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    I am finding this situation of "grief" very strange and inconsistent. I feel out of control about everything pertaining to my life....death of my partner, CoVid restrictions especially state borders preventing me seeing my sons, continuing my social activity and much loved hobby (which involves crowds, but we are not "protestors" so we're not allowed to gather ) crashing my car, and continuing to have nightmares......is like the grief is compounded and added to by these other events.

    I have no one to turn to. I lost my partner last month so no one refers to it any more or asks how I am. No one touches me. My GP said she would refer me to a grief counsellor, but I am hoping this can be done face to face, not over the phone. I need face to face....will it be face to face do you think?

    after I've had a nightmare the next day I am confused, useless and non communicative...numb. It's been over a month....when will I be through it?

  2. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10422 posts
    25 June 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon

    you have been through so much....the loss of a loved partner...crashing your car..nightmares....ugh

    Since there is no such thing as a dumb question on the forums....can I ask one?...What do you think about making a double appointment with your best GP and having a real talk? I bet you will feel better Moon...You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so x

    I used to have awful nightmares when I was in the family court and I was a mess the next day....confused..useless...numb and non communicative....I feel and understand your pain Moon

    Bear Hugs...and then some :-)

    Paul

  3. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3286 posts
    26 June 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Thanks Paul

    I have made the appointment with my GP as she suggested, so I can get the referral to a grief counsellor. I would rather spend the longer time with the counsellor than the GP as I know her primary responsibility is people's physical ailments, especially with the Corona hysteria....

    thank you for the bear hug....God I wish it was real, and not just a virtual one. If our Premier allows my son over the border I will hug him and never let him go......

    1 person found this helpful
  4. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10422 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hey Moon

    You are very strong...seriously

    Good on you for being so proactive with your health and doing your best to cope after everything you have been through. The Bear hug was real! I joined the forums in Jan 2016 and have never used the word 'virtual'...until just now :-)

    my kindest always

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3286 posts
    28 June 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Thank you Paul....you're so kind to me always. I have been wondering something...regarding grief and when a close friend or well known associate loses someone close e.g. partner, as I have, someone who loved them.....why do the majority of their friends suddenly "disappear".

    Don't they care? Didn't they like me very much in the first place? No one rings me just to say "How are you going...are you handling things OK? Do you need to talk?".......I let an old close friend of more than 30 years know the news via email when it happened....and he replied at once of course.....and since then...nothing!

    Another long time friend rang me that day and we spoke at length...since then...nothing! My neighbours with whom I get along fine and knew my partner as well.....nothing. No one ever mentions him. It's as if the death never occurred at all. It's as if I am the same person as I was a couple of months ago...the person they've always known.....except....I'm not!

    If someone were to ask sincerely and seriously "How are you? How does this feel and are you doing OK?"...I would burst into tears and wish with all my being they would put their arms around me and comfort me. No one ever asks. Maybe I have been guilty of doing this exact same thing? I am not ascribing "blame"or criticism here...this is all new to me.....I am just wondering why human nature seems to be this way...any clues?

  6. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    10422 posts
    30 June 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hey Moon

    I hear you loud and clear when some people dont call us after the loss of a loved one....and it does seem like we have been 'kicked to the curb' so to speak

    Thats an excellent question Moon....it is common for some people to 'break contact' so they can grieve as you may be a solid reminder of the person you were close to....Just my humble opinion

    Human nature can sometimes work in ways that arent in our best interests.....that said....I dont think it would be a huge ask to have one person text you and say 'How are You?' after what you have been through with the loss of your partner Moon

    kindest always Moon

    Paul

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