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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Topic: Alone..Depressed..Sad..

  1. demonblaster
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    21 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 and lovelies out there 😊

    Always so good seeing you precious hope you're holding ok darl 🤗 not easy at times but I do think you're having more up days than before which is Gold and shows you have the goods which we know

    Ah July yip I remember now.
    Wow they're being ultra careful which is good. Has to be but I can imagine it all being quite daunting.
    Is that usual to feel so tired like that after it.
    I'm glad you slept well but not if it's so strong to do that geesh.

    Oh Grandy you're going to get your cool on the face..mm 🤔 must relieve a sheep 🦁..oop 🐑of some of their wool ✂️ and knit some ugg boots for my bbff...might take more than a full 2 seconds...I'll have to find 🔎 time 🕣

    So my gorgeous one, things not great but you're holding you dear love by the sounds. It's such a battle isn't it. [ IT's ] xx relentless and the secret is we have to be just as stubborn. Maybe we're in sync I was feeling a bit average today too. A sleep helped.

    Grandz I feel you're talking a lot of sense with the internet games.
    They're great fun and everything you said pro/con them I agree.
    I'd like to add honey that there's a great deal of cognitive positives too.
    • Hand eye co-ordination
    • Observation
    • Immediate action
    • Impulse control
    • Figuring out how
    • Skills developed
    • Perseverance
    • Achievement etc...

    I love that it blocks pain honey. You've found a way to cope and keep beasty brat a bay for a while.
    The hard parts meeting beasty head on is best in baby steps as we know.
    Grandy imo your wise to what needs to be done. There's SO much deep set pain darling wayy too much to take on at once. You're doing fine it's not like you're not still working on getting through it all.
    I'm sure a psych would disagree but I think just do what you're doing.
    It's also filling a void darling Grandy. Loneliness is a terribly cruel way to be feeling. I'm excited that this ww is slowly getting you connected. Stoked the new girl at work too seems sweet.

    I do get nothing holding your interest. I admire that you you try and do things hey good on you about the shading. Yes I've looked at shading at times true it's flat without. Kinda 1 Dimensional.

    Oh thank you darlin that sounds a beautiful meal. What flavours do you put in?

    Oh Grandy you're so important and I know not just to me.
    Love and care so much about you.

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝😍🐑🦄
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  2. demonblaster
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    23 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies hiyaz 😊

    Hey beautiful just happened to be going for a vrroom 💨 💨💨 (so 😂 that Grandy love) and happened to go Left ⬅️ Right ➡️Right 🚥 Left ⬅️screech 💨💨💨 oop took the wrong turn meant to go ↗️ thatta way then over the hill...so quickly in one foul swoop jumped into your super dooper ultra state of the art turbo Tina 🚜 to do some 4 wheel driving..vroom vroom ...starrrt your engines... oh my 😲 it is steep ...thank goodness you installed the roll cage and no one was looking 😶 I just did a 360 ° but no no I'm fine I wore your beany that transforms into rubber when needed..so I boinged boinged 🎠 a bit further then came across a huge creek 💧⛅.. by gum Tina you need to go into 🦆 duck mode...thatta girl even Tina puffed before 💨...so after we wobbled 💃over several stray massive crikey 🤤 tree trunks 🎋...ok ok ...they were small sticks on a second looksy.. that I had to get out and remove ⛏ 🤺 and boyo was I grateful I had my 1 weetbix 🎄 for brekky that I could use a bit of muscle 🏋️‍♂️ on picking them up ...more puffing mind you...then gee there was the mud track Grandy now that was tricky but I managed to get down the sheer cliff sideways 😲 wow you must've just installed that side ride feature 🚀phew so who'd guess after I zooomed through a tsunami ..rode the waves like a true pro 🚣‍♀️ tho was a tad awkward when I found a leak in the canoe but no probs I just put Tina on top of the leak 🚿 so after we landed 🛫 from being airborn🚀...mmm wears a parachute when you need one 💼 anyhooo so I hobbled 🏃‍♀️over the snow barefoot cause I lost my 👠 ...climbed the huge gorgeous gum 🌴 tree and too my surprise 😲 there you were sitting on the balcony watching the beautiful 🕊🐧🐣🐪 birdies and enjoying a lovely hot cuppa tea 🍷🍨 and cream free but tastes like it frappe.

    Hey gorgeous you ok honeyheart 🤗

    I know we're not to pressure anyone to post but I thought what about just an ever so gentle nudge even just an emojis enough gorgeous.

    Love you lady SO much. You're precious dear friend. Couldn't bear 🐻 being without you 🤗☺😚

    Be well beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🕊🐧💼🍨🚣‍♀️🐣🚿

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  3. Ggrand
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    23 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone..🤗..

    Oh Deebi...Thank you so very much for the 😂😂 you gave me today...I so much needed it...💙..

    Your list on internet games is so true..We do need some types of skills to do them😁..Idk...It seems to me that is all I’m living for and I don’t like me very much because I can’t get myself motivated to do anything else..😠..

    S has booked us into meditation again on Monday..it’s the same support group each Monday....WW has booked the same group of 5 participants to be a weekly group for a while...looking forward to seeing little kitty kat again..more then the actual meditation class..😁..

    Big bear hug 🧸🤗...bbff...Love you sss...Yadimh...lysvm. wouldn’t it be so beautiful if we could feel them for real..💙🍫💚...

    Sending my love, care, and hugs to everyone...💜🦋🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱...🦄👼

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  4. demonblaster
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    23 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Thought you might have needed some Zany honeyheart. So glad you got happies 😀

    Ahh darlin 🤗 I think you automatically think the worst of yourself because in your childhood then marriage and elsewhere you've not been given reason to see the good in yourself 😠 How wrong people can be! Holds back naughty words (face nearly explodes)

    Grandy I think about you I couldn't tell you how often daily dear friend. Something you may find I hope helpful is everytime you challenge a negative thought so often bred from horrid people you're winning not them.

    They put you down and conditioned you to think you're inferior. They were wrong! very wrong and clearly to treat a child and adult like that they must've had something not right upstairs.

    So here's another way to think about not being interested in things.

    • Not your choice
    • You want to have interests
    • You would if you could

    • There's reason/s for not being able to...yet (when you heal more I think you'll find many positive changes)

    So beautiful lady I guarantee you don't think less of me because I can't get on doing things even though I want to or Paws or anyone.
    But you're down on yourself 🤗

    Sweetyheart it's ok, it's one of our many tangles that will take time to change.
    I often think about dear Paws 5 min doing things.

    Bottom line honey it's ok. Please don't listen to ugly horrid pathetic beasty you're way better than that.

    Darls what you have to live for is H*O*P*E* that it won't be like this always.
    One day Grandy here may change their rules and we could all meet up in rl.

    I love that 5 others will be regular at the meditation.

    Grandy it all takes time sweetyheart which is so daunting and frustrating but keep in mind lovey you've made incredible progress and that'll keep going.
    Oh darl believe me I do get it but try really hard not to focus too much on the negatives.

    My heart truly goes out to you.
    Seriously no need to reply to this and thanks for replying gorgeous I was getting concerned.

    Hey it's all possible I've been drawing again. Unsure if BP don't think so but ?

    Deep love always bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 Always close by 👀🤝

    Your 🐴 cows will be back soon.

    I'll zip around with Mr 😍 and we can all watch the ✨ have a 🍷and hear the birdies 🕊 together. I think of you when I see stars and hear birdies ☺

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝✨🦋🌱🍷⚘

    Grandy U R SO deeply loved 🤗😚

    🦋

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  5. Doolhof
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    24 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy, DB and All Reading,

    It has been a long time since I have dropped by here. I will admit I've only had a brief read of what has been happening here.

    Grandy you mentioned playing games and how you are feeling you should be doing something else. Maybe for now, keeping your mind occupied with the games is better than having nothing to do and allowing your mind to wander to dark places...as mine does when not engaged in something.

    I'm trying to make a list of alternative things I can do. Maybe you could enjoy the games for say 3 hours, then go and look out the window, write a poem or short story, draw a picture, look in a magazine, or anything else you can think of.

    You mentioned the worker suggested a coffee. Do you have a thermos? I often take a thermos of coffee and my own lunch and ask my friend if she would like to do the same. Sitting in the car would keep you both warm and you could park where you can see activity or a nice scene.

    It is not always easy to think of alternatives or to find motivation! Hope you are able to think of these things and see what you come up with. Putting them into action can take a bit of effort as well as I know from experience!

    Cheers to you from Dools

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  6. smallwolf
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    24 May 2020 in reply to Doolhof

    Hiya... After I read the post from Dools it sparked something in my mind from the last session I had with my psychologist. I had been talking about the difficulties I had/have working from home. That and the lack of joy I have in the things I am doing. So she pulled out (well that was the intention) the list of 300+ activities I could do that might help me. The problem was she did not have that sheet with her and had to be emailed to me the next day.. The link is here if you want to look...

    https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental%20Health%20Professionals/Depression/Depression%20-%20Information%20Sheets/Depression%20Information%20Sheet%20-%2006%20-%20Fun%20Activities%20Catalogue.pdf

    The other thing I have started for myself is a list of inspirational quotes. Have been doing for about a week and a bit has been helpful to me. My list is in my notebook on my phone so I can read it whenever I want. Every time I add other notes that list is visible. Almost a constant reminder. Something to think about?

    Every day is a new day of possibilities.

    Tim

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  7. Ggrand
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    24 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Dools, Tim...and everyone..🤗..

    Thank you all for your caring posts..I really deeply appreciate you all..

    Tim..thank you I will have a look at the link you gave me..I do have a journal of inspirational quotes, I started a few years ago with some poems that our caring Tony wk wrote at times for me...and continued on with quotes...all hand written into my journal...

    Mrs Dools...Thank you for your visit..it means so much to me, especially as I know how hard you are struggling so much right now.....playing games does take my mind of my dark thoughts..Yet while I’m playing them..Niggly little thoughts pop up and starts off my tears...because I feel so hopeless at being unable to be of use to anyone any more.I have been listening to you, and your lovely supporters, you done so well yesterday..you are always such a beautiful inspiration...

    Deebi....I would never think that about you or anyone else ever...I try hard to like me but it’s hard to sometimes..especially when I do nothing productive..I have been telling myself now for a week, I need to shower and wash my hair..for some reason I’m to scared to do so...I don’t know why...Or what has caused this...I know I my thoughts are silly..but can’t get over it enough to shower, and I’m supposed to go to meditation tomorrow...I only wanted to see the kitty again..not wanting to go to the class at all....I can’t close my eyes it’s scary...Like someone is going to grab me..or scare me, or is standing behind watching me, watching me and every single noise I jump up...not being able to see what the others are doing..

    I don’t know....a lot of the time I’m fine..then some silly little thing will pop into my head..to destroy my okayness..

    I am okay though..having more of a whinge then anything else..I’ll work me out to get me past this eventually...

    Tomorrow is another day..to try again..

    Special sss Love Deebi and 🧸🤗..💙💭..bbff..

    My love, care, and gentle hugs. Tim, Mrs Dools and everyone ..💜🦋🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..


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  8. demonblaster
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    24 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hi Doolsy Wolfy great seeing you both ☺ Hey everyone 💗

    Hey my/our beautiful friend. You're doing it hard atm 🤗 ohh darlin it's awful knowing you're so down you dear love.
    Please keep talking though when you're up to lovey.
    I'm meaning that out of caring and loving you beautiful soul 😚

    Grandz I wonder if when you were managing the nasty thoughts and memories that you were in mania fairly recently.
    I go through that too and exactly same was hacking them and now you're on your way down? Too much fun eh 🙁

    I can relate strongly you feeling so down about yourself which is a classic beasty brat! trait.
    Up to you sweetylove if you feel like replying. Wondering do you feel as down on yourself out of BP?
    I do/n't in " normal times ". It's like I can get by with dislikes but they're not in my face until BP. Sorry love I know this is yours just thinking it might be easier to answer if you want to with something said on the subject.

    You poor love feeling that way about showering 🤗
    I think honey but it's up to you leave it till you feel ok to wash your hair.
    Beasty plays hard and finds anyways to try to break us.
    Ahh Grandz so much to deal with 🤗
    In my hardest times honey I started to learn to keep in mind it'll pass which it did... eventually.

    It sounds insane saying feel it because that's what's causing the terrible pain. Then work the mind to think of anything else.
    As dear Starwolf 🤗💗 said...she'd look around and think about what she was looking at.
    It's a break and does lessen the nags.
    Might spark a good memory hun.

    I remember your journal you put a lot of effort in it and it's such a good idea.

    Sweets I wouldn't worry about closing your eyes.
    It's too hard for you.
    I can't imagine it'd be an issue.
    In your own time hun if at all.

    In fairness to yourself darlin you're unwell that's why it's so much harder to do anything productive.
    We🤝'll work it out. That's what we do.

    " If we don't believe...
    It's harder to achieve "

    Thoughts with love always dear Grandy
    Hold on honey you'll come through this.
    PubAok lysvm yAdimh precious friend 😚

    Excuse me Grandz.
    Awesome posts Doolsy (hi lovey been thinking a lot about you for ages) and same Wolfy. Several great people here I think about.

    I'm keeping an eye on you darlin. Always close by 😊

    Warmth to everyone ☺

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝✨🕊🐣🐻🤗🗯
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  9. demonblaster
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    24 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Grandy love 🤗☺

    You poor darling going through that it must be scary lovey.

    Huns would you be feeling up to a chat to someone here could help getting it off your chest honey. I know you've been happy with them here from before. 1300224636.

    Darlin can you have a good chat to S tomoz. She sounds like a really great person very genuinely caring it's fantastic she's there for you and I'm confident she'd do what she can to help. I'd feel a lot better if people know how you're feeling so they can keep an eye on you and it might help you not feeling so alone too. Too much to be holding in by yourself darlin.

    It is good hearing you're holding which I think you are but still need to ask R U O K honey. You know you can say.

    You're goin to see puddy tomoz and be around some familiar good people

    Really love you beautiful lady 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🗯

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  10. Doolhof
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    25 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Dear Grandy and Hi to All,

    Those niggly little thoughts are horrid blighters aren't they!

    This morning I have tried to log in to an online support system and I can't get past their password requirements! It has frustrated the daylights out of me and I became annoyed. I have had to tell myself to leave those thoughts alone and do something else.

    Sometimes those thoughts are going to hang around no matter what we try. I've been told to just allow them to be there, then tell yourself that is enough and try to think of something else.

    To me that is like trying to fix a leaking tap by watching it drip for a while then turn the tap off tighter. Next time you turn the tap on, the same thing is going to happen. Guess there just isn't a way to stop those thoughts altogether Grandy, just find ways to manage them.

    Is there something nice you can do for yourself today? I'm going to do a few jobs about the place and then will continue with a dot painting I am attempting.

    Hey Grandy, having a whinge is okay, maybe think of it as sharing or debriefing, either way letting out the pain and frustrations any way you can is very beneficial.

    Hope you have some extra peace today. Sending you a huge bunch of virtual flowers.

    Cheers from Dools

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  11. Tess2
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    25 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy,

    i have been thinking about you and you seem to be ok, in spite of some set backs etc. you actually sound confident. Don’t worry about the video games, they challenge lots of intellectual and motor skills . Just have breaks as demonblaster has suggested. Being occupied is important.

    i would encourage you to have that shower and wash the hair, that will make you feel a lot more comfortable with yourself.

    how are your doggies? I bathed mine last week and took their beds to the laundromat. So they were all sweet and clean. But they are all getting old poor things.

    it is miserable here in WA we had bad storms yesterday and overnight. It gets me down. And now I feel very anxious , very anxious indeed.

    I also need to go to the dentist, and they have just opened up again here so maybe I shall get onto that. I don’t want me teeth to fall out on top of everything else.

    do kind and gentle things for yourself and don’t put high expectations out their, small achievements are fine

    love tess

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  12. demonblaster
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    25 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hey there gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

    How's today going for you I wonder dear friend 🤗
    Always do, just thinking of you a bit more often.
    I hope you got some better sleep assuming you've had poor batches

    Sweets I've had those thoughts at times too and they really are awful.
    I think they're when we're hyper vigilant.

    Great post from Doolsy as always yes it seems to be the go to allow the thought. By then allowing others like that's my anxiety talking it won't happen etc
    Hard isn't it. Ahh darlin friend 🤗luckily they fade away until another time.

    You can handle it Grandz cause when negatives were coming in before I'm guessing in your mania it was your mind showing and teaching you how to handle it. It's amazing. It's ok to give yourself plenty of time to learn and habit it. You're imo starting to heal sweetheart. Looks like the good parts are helping. Cool

    I really hope today was ok for you lovey and you had a beautiful cuddle with puddy tat. I'll be keen to hear a name you give it honey 🕊

    Darling seriously I know how it is to be how you're feeling please don't feel you need to reply to my posts I just want you to focus on holding and getting through.

    Just great knowing how you're going. That's not pressure it's that we occasionally have a day off but mostly daily are in touch 🤝
    Don't forget our emoji chart if you need huns ⚘

    I'll leave you with some oh so gorgeous hugs from Destiny and Eternity 🐩🐕 and of course myself beautiful.

    You're a very strong incredibly beautiful person Grandy.
    Beasties clueless tell [ IT ] xx to go and play with the cars.

    Deep love and gratitide to have such an awesome bbff and people here 💗

    🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🕊🐩🐕✨🦋⚘

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  13. Ggrand
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    25 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Mrs Dools 🌷..and everyone...🤗..

    I went to Meditation today...S decided to pick me up even though I told her I wasn’t feeling the best with my thoughts..S said it’s okay if I don’t go..but now is the best time to go....Couldn’t be bothered debating her..so I went..

    I’m okay, but hard with words right now..Yes Deebi..coming down..I hate my mh, BP, PTSD...and what ever else my brain has decided to let inside it...

    Thank you Deeb👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Mrs Dools🌷, Tess and everyone else...for being here for me...I’m so lucky to know you all..

    Love you Deebi....I could never ever have a better bbff then what you are to me...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🦋💙...🧸🤗.

    You’re all very special friends to me.... my love, care and hugs.💜🦋🤗..

    Will talk more tomorrow...if it’s okay..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🕊🌱.

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  14. Ggrand
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    25 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi everyone...

    Life can bring us so many downs, then some beautiful people come along and show their love, kindness, care, compassionate and support..and it helps me to feel not so alone....

    Hellen Keller wrote this quote...

    “The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart”...

    You have all touched my heart many many times ...you’re all beautiful people....Thank you 🕊💚

    Grandy.

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  15. demonblaster
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    26 May 2020 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi my/our gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and hugs to all lovelies out there if you want them free of charge for 1 hr only 😊

    Grandy love you have all the hugs you like free...well for 2 hrs anyway because of bbff rates. You know how it is in business 😚

    So while I'm giving you a magic soul hug I'm talking gently to you saying ... I hope last night gave you some mind and body nourishing sleep precious lady to slowly build up again. You're in the hell hard part atm remember honey it's temporary and is the beginning of recovery sweetyheart.
    Normal times ahead hun ☺⚘

    I know you weren't up to it mentally.
    As hard as it is as you know some of my deepest Blacks I've had some temporary reprieve from constant nag going out.
    I'm really pleased you didn't resist and went. Boom to you Grandz you won that round against beasty... woot (Wolfy)🎈🎉

    It's something that you previously enjoyed and certainly a great way to learn how to gain control and escape to beautiful places and find peace.
    Along the lines of fantasy.
    I'm so glad you're doing it and being around some new people as well as familiars. I know lovey how hard that'd be too.

    I feel being part of a religion there's a good chance people there are a little calmer and welcoming.
    S is my hero she's got your back beautiful.
    Please give her from Aunty Deebi this award of appreciation and excellence in her work that she does from her heart 🥇wrapoed inside a 💗

    Grandy Floss thank you for your beautiful heart warming comment about our friendship. I feel the same. Beautiful friendships like these are what it's all about.

    The reason people touch your heart is because you do same magic lady 😚

    About time the scales start tipping your way. Honestly you're SO deserving Golden bbff 💛 (closest to Gold)

    Love you heaps darling lady. You sound like you're doing incredibly well in bloody hard times. You/we're getting there sweets ✊ power to us!

    When/if you're up to I thought we and anyone else is welcome to join in to draw something together like maybe that gorgeous big gum tree out the front and later we could put some cows around it, flowers, stars and each day we could work on it.

    If there's darkness

    If we look around

    Till we find some light

    In memories dreams hopes and pleasure

    No matter how small

    It frees us for moments of peace

    🕊

    👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🗯🤝🤗

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Ggrand
    Valued Contributor
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    Ggrand avatar
    6314 posts
    26 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩. .and everyone...🤗..

    The meditation was nice and was about Earth, Air, water, fire, space...I found interest in how each of the 5 elements can have an impact on our healing mentally...and my mind was listening to the teachers words, trying to take them in rather then visualising them into meditation....

    My GP.. phoned today unexpected as she was ahead of time and had some free time....She wanted my okay for her put an application in to get me into the “victims help services” .with a professional psychologist specialising in PTSD from sexual, emotional and physical abuse...she is waiting now, to see if I am eligible for their services...

    Mrs Dools..I agree that those thoughts are unstoppable, will always be popping up from time to time..finding a way to quieten them gets harder, the deeper I sucked into my mind..I think it’s an ongoing forever learning, we have to go through each day..and it’s tiring...it really is!..

    Today was a crappy day..it’s nearly over..and all I’ve done is play games or sleep...oh and talk to my GP...Nothing to show for it again...Tomorrow is another day..I have been telling myself all day that tomorrow will be better, and that I will go outside and attempt to draw the tree with you Deebi...and who ever else draws it..

    Friendships are beautiful things to have..Love you bbff..💜🧸🤗..

    Sending My Love..care..and hugs to everyone..💜🦋🤗..

    👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼..

    1 person found this helpful

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