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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    8268 posts
    8 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark,

    Yes, she is a treasure. I think you are right, he may not know how to express it and he does struggle with other people's tears, he openly admits that as he doesn't know what to say. I was full of anxiety today and left work early. I went to his house and when i walked in he out his arms around me and asked what's going on, why was i so anxious. We sat and talked about the death and he gave me the comfort i needed yesterday. I know he loves me, he is wonderful and generous in every other way. We had some time together but of course his sis had to come home and interrupt it. I lost it, in a sort of joking way. Told him his bloody living arrangement needs to change as we never have any frickin privacy. His sis and bf have heaps of privacy, we get none. Told him i'm sick of it, it's been 2 & 1/2 years of her interrupting our lives. We did laugh and he told me not to get upset about it. I should have told him to come to my house.

    Anyway, we didn't discuss last night, no need. He knew today what i needed and he was there for me.

    I'm so exhausted

  2. Matchy69
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    8 April 2021 in reply to CMF
    Hi CMF that post sounded more positive from you tonight.I have always had trouble expressing myself showing my emotions.I do have Autism but don't want to use that as an excuse.I think sometimes we need to except people the way they are when we know they do care but just struggle showing it in the way we expect.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. CMF
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    11 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    So M thinks i like being angry haha. Told him I don't like it but i do like being honest about how i'm feeling and the way i feel towards things is different to the way he feels. for example, he thinks its ok that we are constantly interrupted when in the middle of a conversation or other things, he thinks it s ok that he knew i was upset a few days ago but when i went over there for some comfort he was too busy, left me sitting alone in his kitchen,m and didn't seem to care about how i was feeling when I just left. Anyway, we had a noce lunch and saw a movie today and when we said goodbye i told him i don't like being angry. We laughed about it and he said that ignorance is bliss I told him ignorance does not resolve issues. sweeping things under the carpet does not fix anything. I just don't know how he does it. I feel like I've been putting on a sort of happy face all day, trying to hint about things that upset me to start a conversation but he just ignores it so deep down I'm hurting a little. He just will not talk about things, chooses not to acknowledge that something is bugging me, just ignores it thinking it will go away but here i am, overthinking and feeling upset while he goes home to his happy family with no clue. I have mentioned a few times this week i am so sick of his living arrangement with his sis, so over it hoping he will say something but he will not engage in a conversation.

    No wonder i feel angry all the time, i cannot talk to him about things, about us.

  4. CMF
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    11 April 2021 in reply to CMF

    When i had issues with a work colleague he used to say to me ' you need to tell her, tell her how it makes you feel. You need to so something about it'. Yet here i am, trying to tell him how i'm feeling about things and i get nothing. No acknowledgement, no conversation, just him ignoring what i'm trying to tell him and then telling me i love being angry.

    I just cannot get through to him.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Matchy69
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    11 April 2021 in reply to CMF
    Hi CMF it does make it hard when you can't have an open conversation and discuss the issues that are troubling you.That is an important part of any relationship that you both are able to discuss the things that are bothering you. This living with his sister seems to be really effecting you and your relationship.It is really hard when he didn't want to talk about it.Being angry is something none of us want to be.
    Take care,
    Mark.
    2 people found this helpful
  6. Tess2
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    11 April 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF, I feel concerned for you as your emotional needs are not being met in this relationship, well not consistently. I feel M is lacking in emotional intelligence. But I don’t know him, you do.

    And I am not sure that his sister moving out will be the answer you are looking for, as it all seems so complex and who is in and who is out is not clear always.

    you take care of yourself

    tess

    2 people found this helpful
  7. CMF
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    11 April 2021 in reply to Tess2
    Thanks Mark & Tess,

    Yes, he does lack emotional intelligence and he admits it. He also admits he's easily distracted but I only see that with me so I feel unimportant. The fact that he said today I love being angry tells me he still doesn't understand why I was so upset during the week, which we never discussed, and why I was annoyed today for a reason I've mentioned so many times yet he still doesn't see or acknowledge. He denies it, saying I'm exaggerating . He knows he can be insensitive and has said I am so much more compassionate &understanding. That i have more emotional intelligence than him. He's admitted he sweeps things under the carpet, hoping they'll go away. He's admitted all this, he knows he's like this. He is a wondetful man,generous, loving, positive, affectionate. Is it a case of taking the good with the bad? I have many faults too,he never complains or mentions them or maybe he s 'sweeping them under the carpet? His ex was needy, told him they have no emotional connection and had 2 long term affairs that he s aware of. I wouldn't do that,but sadly I think I can see why she did. It is becoming more and more evident that he just doesn't pick up on people's feelings. That he doesn't understand people's emotions, that he doesnt want to have to deal with them cos he doesn't know how, therefore he ignores them. Ignorance is bliss he told me today. This is not real life. H e just blocks the hard stuff out. When his dad was very sick with cancer couldn't understand why he wouldnt get out of bed. He was peeved at him, saying he should get up and move around. He shouldn't just give up. This shocked me, I had to explain he couldn't. He had cancer and he couldn't get up anymore. M couldn't accept this, didn't want to understand . So it's an issue he has,not just toward me but with everything. It's an avoidance , a condition & I don't know what to do about it.
    1 person found this helpful

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