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Forums / Long term support over the journey / Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

Topic: Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

  1. CMF
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    8 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    So I'm not so sure about us at this moment. Ive6expressed so many times how frustrating it is that his sis still lives there. She moved in weeks after we got together. It's been 3 years. He's told me recently that he's sure sis & bf would want their own space soon He's told me she won't always be intruding. Now I find out she'll move if/when they sell next year and they'll be living next door. I feel he's been telling what he thinks I want to hear. Since my blow up he has been mentioning us living together alot, wondering where we'd live. I've been very patient, very honest. I have no interest in meeting anyone else so I can sit and wait, see how it pans out, but I think I'll be withdrawing again, just a little to protect my heart. I know he doesn't have many options when it comes to selling/buying. Financially she owns him. He could live with me. I won't be going to live him, not next door to sis and bf. If they want their threesome, they can have it.

    A cord needs to be cut. Just not sure who's cord it will be.

  2. CMF
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    8 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Exactly rx. I've been waiting for something to change. I've told him that. I know he doesn't have alot of options financially but I'm not going from her living there to living next door, and you'respot on. I wouldn't visit much. She'd probably see my car and come over so it would be just as it is now. We're not in a hurry, but he's def talking about it more, asking where I see us living together. Again, I need to see what it's like without sis around. Can he even cope withbthat? I told him I won't move from here till the youngest finishes school. That's why I think he expects I'll live there cos I have said I'd sell and he is talking years away.

    I think he knows. He messaged tonight saying thanks for a great weekend. I told him see, he needs to come live in my area lol. He's always saying how great it is.

    Guess I'll keep dropping that hint haha. He did mention today that he's not a good planner, I am. I think ahead. He never does. He said he should start talking to his boys soon about moving out in the future, standing on their own two feet cos we ain't gonna live together with all our kids. He said he needs to start PLANNING. That's great but it's sis who needs the chat. He never looks at her, how she affects our relationship. He wants to prepare his kids for moving out , how about telling her it's time to move out? I can't believe he'd have that chat with his boys and not her.

    Oh, that's right...she owns him.

  3. randomx
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    8 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    God yeah l know how you feel regards anyone else , can't stand the thought of even bothering if gf and l don't work it out. Can't see anything with anyone else either.

    But yeah that's a biggie for him for sure , how does he talk to her about moving out when she owns half the house and probably did it for somewhere to live herself too. But at the same time yeah sounds like her and the bf might work out so they'd probably want their own soon anyway , we can hope right.

    He could invest the change of selling and come live at yours. l know your daughters not talking to his right now but who knows what his will do anyway and that stuff will probably blow over by then anyway. Beats e why he'd think of the other option instead of yours apart from the kids to figure out.

    Sounds like he is thinking about it all though for sure , that's something. 3yrs is a turning point too for sure and figuring out if you have a future and what's it gonna look like and it does sound like he is well aware of that these days.

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  4. CMF
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    8 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    I've always known living with all our kids would be a challenge. He's just realised now, after 3 years. That's why he saying when the older ones all move out where will we live together. I do feel he keeps suggesting I'll go there ie when my youngest finishes school, cos I won't move from my area till she does. He has said in the past we could live wherever I want but I REALLY realise now he says and does things things without thinking so what he says doesn't mean much to me any more. I guess it hadn't for a while, hence why I'm so non comital when he asks me. When we started dating and he spoke about us living together I felt a bit rushed and asked what time frame he sees it happening. He said 12 months. That was too soon for me, but he said it nearly 3 years ago and yet here we are. Sis still not moving,kids not talking.

    He does not think big picture at all. He did say yesterday he needs to be a better planner, needs to start planning for our future. So far all the plans still have sis in them. That's not part of my plan.

  5. CMF
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    10 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    M came past for a quick visit today. He mentioned his Mum has a bday gift for (my baby was in June) and she asked why she hasn't seen me for so long. She said to M she misses me and asked what's going on. M's reply to her was that we'd been in lockdown etc but he was shuffling his feet as he told me so I guess he knows that's bs and he's well aware why I haven't been over there. It's the first time it's come up since I stopped going there. His mum is so thoughtful and non intrusive. If she knew the truth, I wonder what she'd say. She has always been respectful of our time. I told M I could pop over on a Saturday, that I haven't seen his sis either since her op. He agreed. Thing is, I haven't been there for nearly 2 months and he's said nothing about it till now, cos his mum adked what's going on.

    Interesting. I don't think I'm gonna pop in on the weekend. I'm sure we'll still be in LOCKDOWN.

  6. Tess2
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    10 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF,

    alarm bell for me, if he can’t tell his mum the truth and perhaps discuss with her, she knows her children and may have had wise words for him. And you say she is not intrusive at all. Why not go there? Go see his mother, you may need to give an inch here

    tess

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  7. CMF
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    10 August 2021 in reply to Tess2

    Hi Tess,

    yes agree , but his mum lives 2 doors down from him so I'd have to pop into his place, possibly with sis there. Sis says she misses me too but the thought of her being there gives me anxiety. His mum knows how thoughtful & caring I am so she knows something not right.

    He just won't face the reason why I don't go there. The elephant in the room. Lockdown has been a total of less than 3 weeks in the 2 months I haven't been there. I reckon I could be honest with his mum. I reckon she'd understand.

    On another note, she hasn't been the gym to exercise cos of lockdown and too scared to walk in case she falls. M was lovely enough to take her out for a walk today. I wonder what they chatted about. Sis is on gentle exercise since her op, don't know why she hasn't been walking with her mum. I guess she prefers the spin bike and putting it on social media so everyone knows about the surgery.

    They are so different. Wouldn't it be funny if his mum asked me and I just told her the truth lol. I should ask M why he didn't. I reckon she'd understand.

    Few years ago, after their dad passed we went to the cemetery all together. We were going to all go for lunch but his mum said no. She said she wanted to go home cos Sunday was the only day M & I had together. His sis said she didn't care, she was coming to lunch with us.

    That says it all. Just can't tolerate her.

  8. randomx
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    10 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Haaa , she'd come too , sounds like sis.

    His mum probably knows is my guess , she'd know her daughter and put two and two together even if m didn't spell it out. My mum always knew damn well how some of the sisters could be.

    l know m's a rug sweeper but in this case and that elephant , l can sort of understand it.He'd have a loyalty to his sis bc they're close so he doesn't wanna be involved in any bad talk but then of cause at the same time a loyalty to you too . So it sounds like he's trying to keep natural in this one.

    rx

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  9. randomx
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    10 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    PS , sorry that was suppose to be neutral.

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  10. CMF
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    11 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    On another subject,we were originally against vaccination but can now see the need for it. M got his done without telling me. Saw a pop a clinic with his mate who wanted to get it so he did it. I have anxiety over it to the point it gives me chest pains. I saw my Dr yesterday for a chat and was going to do it but my anxiety took over and I backed out. I know it needs to be done but I'm not ready and don't want to feel forced. Part of my anxiety i realise is that if I don't, how do we continue in a relationship? He will have freedom, I won't if we have lockdowns. I'm disappointed that he got it done without telling me, wanted to support his friend and knew he'd eventually get it, but what Bout supporting me. I'm realising more and more I am upset with him for doing it. I wouldn't stop him but aren't we a team? Shouldn't we talk about these things? If I got a tatoo without telling him he wouldn't be happy.

    Thoughts?

  11. CMF
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    11 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    OMG, had a tarrot reading today over the phone. All i gave was my date of birth, all i can say is WOW! Told her i wanted to focus on my relationship

    First things she said said i have been on a rollercoaster and banging my head against the wall. She asked of we broke up and got back together cos there has been a change (me holding back). She asked if there is a 3rd person, then saw a 4th person connected to the 3rd (sis and BF). The 3rd person is pushy and controls M, . She controls him and he doesn't stand up to her cos he feels guilt, like he OWES her. He feels like that with his whole family. She has a strong hold on him, but he is worried he will lose me, he is a little insecure (he told me this about himself a while back about his younger days). He does listen when i tell him things but he is not one to speak up (BINGO). The 4th person (her BF) is lovely and wants to please her, she wants him too, but he is like me and wants their own space, he's not showing his true colours yet cos wants to please her but is pushing for it more. She is afraid to bring someone into her house as she is used to waiting forever for something. She suggested sis moved into M's house etc so she could have company. She misses me and listens to me but she is threatened whih she never felt with the ex. She wants us to be a big happy family, all getting along. She def wants M's attention all the time but wants mine too. M is happier then he has been with anyone and is scared to lose me, he has said something to sis. I need to be the one to tell sis we need boundaries. M really wants to be together properly soon , he's really wanting it. We may buy or rent together, in 3-4 years the kids will move out. He wants financial freedom and after being stuck the last 2 years she sees synchronicty now we have really good times ahead. She said she can see sis moving out by end of year, something happening with the bf's house (maybe lease expiring). She said we will be free of everything but i need to point out we need boudaries, she can't just walk in when she feels like it. She saw talk about moving next year (M selling the house). He feels guilty, like he's kicking her out, hence the reason she gets away with it all. when i speak up he listens and it's not me being nasty, just real and expressing myself.

  12. randomx
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    11 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    That is a big wow .

    Hence card rants on my thread bc they can be very accurate but if together with a reader that is genuinely intuitive. She's very good that's really rare most of them don't have that , how did you happen to find her , recommended or ?

    All fits too doesn't it . That's kinda nice about sis really too isn't it, that's pretty well how l've been reading her too , in that l mean she does want you as part of the family. Like she hasn't been purposely pissing you off .

    Really nice about m too really , same again. Never know hey cm , your troubles could be all worthwhile in the end eh.

    rx

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  13. Tess2
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    11 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF,

    two words of advice. Move on... tarot is not the truth and even so it didn’t look good. Here here is a man who says he loves you, but can wait forever, not usual. I don’t care how nice he is, you are being treated very poorly.

    tess

  14. randomx
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    11 August 2021 in reply to Tess2

    True l mean just bc she was all over it that doesn't mean that's how things are and how it will actually all go.

    So yeah depends but , supposing it was to play out something like that , how did you feel about it all CM ?

    rx

  15. CMF
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    11 August 2021 in reply to Tess2

    Hi Tess,

    Yes, he is prepared to wait but I too am not in a hurry to live together. Alot of finances to work out. We already know he won't speak up to sis.

  16. CMF
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    11 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    A friend at work referred her.I felt good, enlightened. That what I think and feel is Not in my head. First thing she picked up on was the roller-coaster, banginging my head against the wall and the 3rd person with a 4th attached. Pretty accurate. Him not standing up to her, feeling likr he owes her. Hesadmitted that himself. Yes, you did see sis in the same light, me too really. Not nasty, just controlling and needing attention. She also picked up these will be changes at my work this year (we are getting a new system) that I love what I do, I'm happy there and M changing careers next year, which he is. He's quitting teaching.

    She was really lovely to listen too. I'll be thinking of more to explore.

    I guess we're all in tune with different things.

    Cmf

  17. randomx
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    11 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm.

    Tell you one thing , your so lucky in that your not really in a hurry.

    lf my gf was a little more that way earlier it wouldn't have force me subconsciously into such hold back mode and things could've taken their natural coarse . And sadly would've been very different for the better.

    l think it's great though that they do all want you in the family , that is really how it's seemed. Awkward , a bit annoying for ya , but nice none the less. Well it's better than wanting you out of the family haha isn't it.

    rx

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  18. CMF
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    12 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Haha true rx,

    I told M about the reading but not all the details yet. Wanna do it face to face. I have told him alot was about his household.

    Will be interesting to see his reaction given that some of things that came up he has admitted ie that he feels indebted to her and can't stand up to her. Plus things that came up that I've brought up with him or he's told me.

    I feel more peaceful. Maybe the roller-coaster will settle?

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  19. quirkywords
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    12 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    Have you had a tarot reading before.?
    she really seems to be comnfirming what you knew already.
    I am open about Tarot as I know people who read cards and a friend who has written books on the subject.

    I know of people who have their cards read regularly.

    if it helps you that is all that matters.

  20. CMF
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    12 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    I did many years ago on a crystal/gems shop but got nothing put of it. I got alot out of this. Yes, she confirmed what I knew which I find amazing seeing as I'd never spoken to her before and told her nothing. I guess was wanting clarity on what I knew. M's sis has hers done regularly and they've been spot on.

    it's not for everyone but I went into it openminded and curious. How could she have known so much if we are complete strangers? The cards were spot on. It did help.

  21. randomx
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    12 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Yeah as you know l've used cards most of my life so l'm slightly biased but by no means just openly stupid too it especially with the 99% of shonks out there.

    But nah l don;t use Tarot never have , however my ex w did tarot 30yrs and my daughter also does Tarot.Both had true ability that's actually why my ex stopped reading. My daughter is just down right surreal , which l've always known she would be she's a very special girl in many ways and such an old soul. l am very surprised this one has given detail like that though , l thought you must've explained your situation. and asked about it from there. ls it possible she got inside info of your friend l wonder.

    rx

  22. CMF
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    12 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Nope. My friend at work knows nothing about my situation. We work in different departments and rarely speak as we're so busy. I purposely said nothing and only elaborated a little on a few things after she told me what she saw and I only did that cos she was spot on. She described M & sis to a T. 3 in the relationship as ive said for a long time. She's pushy ,& controlling by nature, doesn't respect boundaries, he doesn't stand up to her cos he feel indebted. She saw the change in our relationship ie me stepping back after the blow up I had. Said M feels the change,probably why he keeps talking about the future, living together. She said he wants financial freedom...probably from sis. I think he knows if they stay financially attached with that house she won't move out soon. Ive told him that too. She picked up there's a big age gap. The bit about sis being too scared to have bf live in her house didn't surprise me. She's never lived with a partner. Career change for M, changes at my work . All accurate.

    Interested to see M's reaction...if he has one. I'm curious if sis has had a reading lately, if it picked up on me. I reckon M should have a reading with my one, see if the same stuff comes up.

  23. randomx
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    12 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Yeah right.

    l've never used cards in that way or Tarot , l only use them in a one of question type sense but yeah as l was saying with my Daughter.. l've seen her give deadly accurate detail like that with some people.

    A lot of card readers give a lot detail but it usually all turns our hogwash so that was pretty amazing for sure. Haaa, wonder if m will just shrug it all off.

  24. Tess2
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    18 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF,

    are you ok? I do hope so. You have been very quiet. I think about you

    tess

  25. CMF
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    18 August 2021 in reply to Tess2

    Hi Tess, and rx

    How are you? Thank you for hink9ing of me, i am really well. Our lockdown has been extended so i'm working from home and have remote learning happening..

    I told m about the card reading, he looked a little awkward and didn't say much. I left it for a bit then asked what he thought. He said it's amazing how accurate they can be so i asked if he agreed. He was a little lost/shocked/uncertain/uncomfortable i felt haha. He sort of disagreed with a few things, to defend his sis i think but he did say it was accurate. I brought up that i never go to his house so i told him why- straight out. I also told him that the card reader said i should talk to his sis (Tess, i think yo also suggested that) , he looked a bit nervous about that which i found funny. If it comes to it i will very nicely tell her how it makes me feel. Nothing wrong with that. There is no denying that what came out in the cards was spot on with what i have been telling him. I think it caught him off guard cos i explained why it was so spot on and gave examples haha. Told him he should have a reading with her, see if the same stuff cones up. Now THAST would be interesting.

    Anyway, not gonna ponder over it. I'm glad i did it, I've always been curious and i know what came out was 100% accurate. He slept over Friday night and when he left 'Saturday told me go pop in for coffee later so i decided i would and i did. Sis got home later and she was fine. We went to see his mum cos he said she will very upset if she knows i was there and they didn't tell her. She hugged me, said she has missed me so much, which was really nice.

    So yeah, been good over here i guess. He knows i'm not gonna put up with shyte. I've spoken my mind many times and i will continue to. I'm no longer the timid girl who needs to keep everyone else happy. I have feelings and i'll be honest about them.

    Cmf x

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  26. randomx
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    19 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Haaaa , well l'm gonna call it all a win com , glad your doin ok.

    And so nice about his mum and stuff too , knew she liked ya. But don't worry we know m is gonna be all awkward about the sis and he'd probably rather be walking over broken glass barefoot but ohwell , ya getting there.

    rx

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  27. CMF
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    20 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    M didn't sleep over last night. His son had the jab and wasn't feeling the best so he stayed home to look after him. Apart from the fact of getting used to sleeping next to someone, this morning is nice and quiet. At 8.30am his alarm/radio comes on & he listens to the news on Tripple J. It annoys me so i go have a shower. Then as we have breakfast he has music playing on Tripple J which I can't stand lol. I like quiet, he always needs noise, music, loud TV. I'll have to mention something cos he's just doing what he enjoys, his routine.

    Still learning.

  28. CMF
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    21 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey rx,

    Can you help me lift this big rug please?

    Cmf x

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  29. randomx
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    21 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Haaa, no worries , you'll need a lift with that one for sure .

    Hope you can have a nice Sunday .

    rx. 0

  30. CMF
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    21 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    I don't want Sunday.

    I don't want anything anymore.

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