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Forums / Long term support over the journey / how do i stop crying

Topic: how do i stop crying

  1. Matchy69
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    30 September 2019
    I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.
  2. Aaronsis
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    30 September 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Matchy69

    I just read your thread and sometimes when i feel out of control and cant stop crying i try singing....sounds weird but putting on some music that you love and belting out a song helps so much. I am sorry you dont feel like you have people to talk to....i would be happy to chat to you...what are some of the things that make u break down crying?

    Hope to chat soon x

  3. White Rose
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    30 September 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hello Matchy

    You sound very unhappy and I am sad for you. Can you post here and talk to us? It's not the same as face to face I know but it can be helpful.

    I agree with Aaronsis about singing. There is something about music that can touch our innermost being. In my dark days I kept playing the same half a dozen CDs because they held meaning for me and I sang with them. Probably a good job I was alone.

    Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Are you at uni/work/school? What hobbies, if any, do you have? I enjoy reading/embroidery/knitting for my grandchildren. I am a member of a meditation group and have some volunteer work. If I stayed indoors all day I think I would cry a lot. The trick is to get out into the sunshine now that the days are warming up and before we run the risk of getting sunburnt.

    Come and chat to us.

    Mary

  4. Matchy69
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    30 September 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    I have depression,anxiety,ocd,panic attacks.I cant keep any friends because of all of this.It breaks my heart the friends i lost knowing its all my fault.I dont work,i just stay at home mostly these days,not game to go out.I do like gardening but finding it hard these days to even go outside
  5. Aaronsis
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    30 September 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Thank u for sharing that with us Matchy69. I cant even begin to imagine how full you must be feeling with all those emotions going on.

    Gardening is a wonderful outlet. I would love to be able to have a beautiful garden but i have this amazing skill that i cant even keep a plastic plant alive....

    However being out in the fresh air and sunshine is so great for your heart and mind so even if you can manage 10 minutes i am sure that might help...especially tomorrow it will be lovely weather.

    Friendships are tough no matter if you struggle with mental health or not. It is difficult in this fast paced world to make time and keep time for ourselves let alone our friends.

    What did you do for work when you where working?

    This might sound like another weird suggestiom but i sometimes colour in...in a mindfulness book. .i dont know how or why but that makes me feel happy.

    Do you have any pets?

  6. Matchy69
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    I have done an hour of watering this morning,just started crying again.I lose my friends from showing them to much attention,being to anxious that will hate me and then they think i am pscho.I dont think make anymore friends it is to heart breaking when i lose them.I was a labourer when i did work years ago.I have 1 cat that came with the house when i bought it.It is a very windy day here today
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  7. Matchy69
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    I did an hour this morning watering and just started crying.My proroblem is i lose friends because i care to much and my anxiety gets the better of me.I use to work as a labourer years ago.I have one pet cat that came with the house when i bought it.
  8. Aaronsis
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Matchy69

    That is so awesome that you have done some outside things this morning. The fact that you got up and chose to go outside is wonderful and you should feel so proud of yourself, you could have easily just stayed inside.

    This is not going to magically fix every thing for you overnight so please don't beat yourself up for crying, you have done a great job today.

    I hear what you are saying in that you have trouble keeping friendships because you care too much and then your anxiety starts to talk to you. Perhaps this is something that you can talk about with your friends to help them understand. I am just going through losing my brother to suicide so I have to let my friends now exactly what I need from them. It isn't easy and sometimes my anxiety talks to me saying things like "people are busy they are not going to drop everything for you"...but I know they would ....and they do. Sometimes we have to show people how to be our friends as we are all different and need different things.

    How do you feel these days about getting back into the work force? Maybe not in the same role as before but something even part time or a few hours a week?

    What sort of cat is he/she? I love cats and have three of them, they are my saviors sometimes as they listen to all sorts of stuff that I yabba on to them about. They always are happy to listen, and have a cuddle for that matter.

    Do you like reading? I have just found the joy in books and once you find your thing they can really help, almost like transporting you to another place.

    Thanks for replying to me Matchy69

    Cheers

  9. Aaronsis
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Match69

    I did reply earlier so will see if that comes up..lol..sometimes the posts take awhile..if not I will retype it...

    Cheers

  10. Matchy69
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thanks for your replies.I really appreciate it.I did just recently lose a really good friend to my anxiety,i did try and explain to them but they think i am now a psychopath and completely blocked me and all i did was care and worry about her.This breaks my heart.My cat is a stray with a mixture in her with orange and white on her.Her name is Bubbbles,follows me around like a puppy dog.
  11. Aaronsis
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    1 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Match69

    I am really happy to hear that I have been able to make you feel appreciative of the chat, that is such great news as I am more than happy to chat to you til the cows come home.

    I am sorry to hear that you have lost a dear friend, it is not easy and you can't help but blame yourself. However, sometimes I think that this says more about them than it does about you. I know that you might have trouble believing that and the only reason I know that is because it has just happened recently to me.

    Through my brother's death it has been very hard for some people to know how to deal with me or to know if they can say the word suicide or know what to say in case they say or do the wrong thing...so what do they do...they run for the hills and I feel like perhaps this is what might of happened to your friend.

    I think it is not because they don't care about you, it is because they do care and they don't want to upset you or provide triggers for you or know what to do...so they do nothing...or just run.

    I know that this doesn't help with maintaining friendships but I think it is a small piece of insight into other people. Sometimes it isn't about us, it is about them, and that is OK that they don't understand or can't manage us, but it still hurts the same when they leave.

    Bubbles sounds adorable and I have a ginger too...her name is Poppy, they are so loving and affectionate it is so wonderful to have. That is nice that she follows you around, it is like she is keeping watch over you, that is really sweet.

    I haven't managed to get outside my self yet today but it looks awesome out there, do you think you could manage another trip outside to get some of those beautiful rays?

    Chat soon

  12. Matchy69
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis
    Two years ago i lost a close family member to suicide and can understand what you must be going through.The grieving process seems to be different for everyone and takes time as i know.I am going through a grieving process for my friend who is still alive but i know i will never see again.I just have so many things i want to tell her and share with her.
  13. Aaronsis
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Good Morning Matchy69

    I am sorry you have had to experience the grief of losing someone to suicide, it really is the worst...the unanswered..the unknown...the why...living without them....a whole bunch of really shitty stuff. The best thing I have done is seek some professional counselling and she has been beyond amazing.

    ..and yes you most certainly are grieving again and sometimes it is harder when the person is alive. I had this idea and I am not sure what you will think but perhaps you can start with writing her a very detailed and personal letter. Let it all out and tell her all the things that you are thinking and feeling and that you miss her dearly. Get all that stuff out and really let go, have a big cry and then....fold it up....the choice is then yours....if you decide to post it to her..awesome..if you decide to pop it into a draw and never look at it again that is totally fine too....the choice is yours.

    I kind of have a tough relationship with my mum and up to a few years ago I felt really angry at her for things she didn't do as a mother to protect me. I sort some help and they suggested this letter writing concept to me, at first I thought "yeah right..as if that is going to help"....but it felt so wonderful to really let out all the horrible stuff I wanted to say to her....I didn't post it but it felt sooo good to get it out of me.

    How is bubbles this morning? I just introduced my cats last night to this scratchy wall thing that you stick on the wall and it has a brush attachment...they LOVE it...omg...is was so cute to see them all lining up for a turn.

    So here is a question for you...it is a gardening one..remember I said I can't garden for anything...well I have just found that I love Clivia's...I think that is the name..they are kind of orange bursts of love...I want to grow them....do you know anything about these things? I might be biting off more that I can chew.

    Chat soon

  14. Matchy69
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    First about Clivas growing is pretty easy.They are real hardy and like the shade with a little morning sun.Make a good indoor plantMy mum use to grow them.I like growing fruit and vegies and roses and few other flowers and herbs.

    It might be a good idea to puty thoughts on paper but wouldnt be able to post it as i dont know where she is now and she has me blocked so i cant contact her.

    I just spent an hour outside chopping up firewood that a neighbour bought over and now i am just crying again and feel guilty when i dont think of my friend.

    I have seen councilors and been in a psychiatric hospital in the past.I just dont want to go back there again.

    Bubbbles is good playing outside at the moment trying to catch birds but usally dosnt thankfully

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  15. Aaronsis
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Fantastic news about the Clivias, I am feeling positive now that I can perhaps have a crack at growing them so I might take a trip to Bunnings and see if I can find some. I love the idea of an indoor option as between work and kids I am not really in the garden much, hence why I am so bad at gardening....but..inside I will be able to see it all the time and really enjoy it..ok...stay tuned for the updates on that one!

    That is so cool that you can grow vegies and fruit, I love the idea of being able to go out to my own garden and eat the fresh food that I have grown, that is so cool that you can do that successfully. I bet they taste amazing.

    I am happy you felt like the writing might be helpful, I understand you don't have an address to post it to and that might be a good thing for now. The fact if you can just grab a pen and put some words on the page, doesn't even have to be in any order, just have a massive purge and let it all out, that might really make you feel better.

    I hear what you are saying with regards to councilors and therapy, it isn't for everyone and that is fine, we just need to figure out together what works for you and can make you smile again, even just once a day, that would be wonderful.

    Chopping wood...wow you are a trooper....that sounds like a massive task, but is so awesome that you have managed that today, it really is Matchy..the fact you could get outside and swing and axe that infact may have been some good soul food too.

    You made me laugh when I thought about bubbles outside trying to catch a bird...unsuccessfully....they are so funny those felines!

    I am not sure where you are based but I am in Melbourne and it is going to be 26 today to a ripper day to be outside and I am sure bubbles in loving the sun too.

    My dad is 70, he had his birthday last week, he got his first tattoo to honor my brother last night..I was so proud of him and it looks awesome. I love tattoos and have a few so it was cool I could welcome him to the tattoo family.

    We have cakes at work on a Wednesday so I am off now to have a morning cake and coffee...

    Chat soon

    Sarah

  16. Matchy69
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Thanks again for you msgs and support allthough i feel it will suddenly stop and i wont have anyone to talk to again,probably my anxiety in me.

    I have one tattoo myself on my shoulder that i got on my 40th birthday.Its of a motorbike brand.I havent been gain to get anymore.

    I have been gardening since i can remember,my mum allways had a vegie garden and fruit trees.I lost my mum 5 years ago on christmas day to ovarian cancer.I was her full time carer for over 3 years.I lost my dad to lung cancer when i was 20.

    My afternoon was pretty quiet just stayed in bed reflecting on my life.

    I live in a small country town only one pub near Toowoomba in Qld

    Thanks for listening,

    Mark

  17. Aaronsis
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    2 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark

    If there is one thing I can do and that is that you have my word that I will be here as long as you want to chat. You might even find that one day you wake up and don't need to talk to me...but I will be here until you feel you don't want to chat anymore.

    That is a nice gift that you gave yourself on your 40th birthday, let me guess ..it is a Harley Davidson tattoo..lol...I am so addicted to tattoos I find any old excuse to get one. My next milestone is 50...but that is in like 6 years..lol..but I can start planning can't I!!

    Oh that is really sad that you have lost both of your parents, I am lucky in that mine are still alive, although I am not that close with my mum but very close with my dad. I can't imagine how devastated I will be to say goodbye. Not to mention on Christmas day, that is really sad, although any day would be sad it would feel worse on a special day.

    That is so great that you were able to care for your mum, it takes a really special person to be able to do that sort of thing for family. I am not sure that I would be able to do it, I don't know why I just don't think I could.

    That is nice that you have had some time to reflect on your life this afternoon, it is important to do. To take check of what you want and where you are heading. I hope you feel positive after it.

    Toowoomba sounds like a beautiful place, I was actually born in Brisbane and spent some time in Mount Isa. My dad is a meteorologist so we spent alot of time moving around as kids.

    It is my pleasure to listen Mark and I am just hoping that I am providing you with enough support as it would be so wonderful if you were able to feel some joy in a day, even in some tiny way to start with. Do you like to go to the movies at all? I know it is sort of for kids but I love the Lion King, it was sad but it was so amazing, infact I want to go see it again. I am really looking forward to Maleficent coming out to, I really enjoy Angelina Jolie and her acting.

    I am so excited about the Clivias that I am actually going to go tonight to Bunnings and see what they have....you have given me some gardening hope!

    Ok well I am off to do some last minute jobs before I head home for the day..

    Chat again soon

    S

  18. Matchy69
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    3 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,thanks again for talking to me,i really appreciate it.

    I to was born in brisbane and grew up there in a suburb called The Gap.I have lived in this house for about two and half years.I to have been to Mt Isa and was there when my father passed away in 1989.

    I am divorced with two special needs children who live about 15 mins away.My ex wife was my first girl friend and i was 29y.o when i met her.I never talked to girls all through my school years until i was well in my 20s.People find that strange.

    The tattoo i got was the embl for a Jawa Mototorbike.I have 2 and still have my first one that i bought when i was 15y.o.the bikes from Czechoslakia.

    I have planned to do my grocery shopping this morning.I have been a bit teary this mornining thinking about things.

    I hope you you have a nice day Sarah

    Mark

  19. Aaronsis
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    3 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Good Morning Mark

    Please don't thank me for talking to you, I am here for you to chat to and you may not believe this but..you are actually helping me too.

    That is good that your children live close by, do you get to spend much time with them. The extra pressures of having children with special needs would be some extra things to add to your already full plate also. I am fortunate enough that my two children do not have any special needs and I find parenting stressful, worrying if I am doing it right, thinking if I have thought of everything they need for their mental health, then there is the financial part of it too...so I can only imagine that parenting is also another thing that could make you feel sad too. Don't feel alone on that one though, as I said, I feel down about that too, we are only human.

    That is really sweet that your first girlfriend ended up being your wife. I think that is lovely. I wouldn't worry too much that people find it strange that you never really spoke to girls until your 20's, we are all different and the world would be very dull if we were all the same. Boys weren't interested in me in high school and I didn't really speak to them either, I don't think that is strange at all that you didn't speak to girls , we were like 16 or 17 years old and trying to figure out who we are.....lol...I think we are still trying to figure out who we are to be honest!

    I just googled what a Jawa Motorbike emblem looks like and it is so cool, kind of tribal looking with the circle and the lines coming off it, that would be a fantastic tattoo, I bet you love it and it looks awesome. The bikes are cool to, the kind of remind me of the "Worlds Fastest Indian"..have you seen that movie with Anthony Hopkins..I think you would really like it, you should check it out. It is a true story too about a guy named Burt Munroe..anyway I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it.

    Enjoy the grocery shopping, at least you will be out and about and even though it is one of life's shitty tasks..you can see the lovely sun and get some fresh air, I know I keep banging on about it, but it really does help, I find the sunshine makes me smile.

    I hope you have a nice day too Mark and I am here for a chat anytime.

    Oh..I almost forgot....Bunnings has failed me!!! There were not Clivia's...WHAT! so now the hunt is on to find my beautiful orange burst of love plant....I will have to check out the local nursery perhaps over the weekend.

    Chat soon Mark

    Cheers

    Sarah

  20. Matchy69
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    3 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,thanks for your msg.A note on Clivia you might be able to get them through a mail order company one i have bought hard to find plants off called Garden Express.

    I have that movie Worlds Fastest India on dvd,one of my favourites.I should find it and watch it.I love that movie as well as The Great Escape.

    My Jawa is model 559 so if you lool that up you can see what my bike looks like.I have 2 a 1968 and 1971 that i both restored.I have other bikes but the Jawas are my favourite.

    I am finding today easier talking to a girl with our phones where it is so easy to msg someone unlike when we were in school and you had to talk to them in person,very scary.I dont think any would have been interested in me.

    It is very hard raising kids in general but having 2 with special needs can really take its toll on me.They are allways seeing specialist and struggling coming up with answers.I have my kids most weekends and half school holidays so i have them alot.And me not feeling the best these days can be real hard for me

    I did my grocery shopping walking around in a daze trying hard not to cry.The checkout girl asked me what was wrong so people can notice.

    I was worried about my cat when i came home as it usually comes running but she didnt but i found her asleep in the garden

    I will leave it their for now.

    Take care.

    Mark

  21. Aaronsis
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    3 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark

    Thanks for the tip on Garden Express, I will certainly look it up and see if they can help, I am really keen to get a Clivia so that might be the trick.

    That is so cool that you knew the "World's Fastest Indian", I should have known seeing that you love motorbikes that you would have seen it, it is such a feel good movie and is so interesting as it is a true story. His sense of determination and ambition is so impressive. I looked up your Jawa 559, they are so cool, real vintage looking. That is really clever that you are able to restore bikes. I have a story for you about a bike that my son restored but I will save that for another message.

    You are so right in that talking to people on devices is so much easier, hence why we can open up on forums like this. In a way though it is good as you can say things that you would perhaps be too scared to and shy to face to face..I guess that has both positives and negatives..but hey if it means we are talking and getting to know people or getting our problems out then it can't be bad.

    That is so great that you still have your kids even though you are struggling yourself, you should feel really good about that as it would be so easy not to and that would be sad. I can't imagine how challenging it is to have kids with special needs and it is real credit to you that you are still present in their lives.

    That was nice that the girl at the check out asked how you were, some people are just caring and really do worry about if someone else looks sad. I feel proud of you that you went anyway and you persisted with your shopping, you could have easily just walked out but you didn't and that is really great.

    Bubbles is so naughty for hiding in the garden napping..that would scare me too if I couldn't find my cats, but once again it is on their terms so she was probably just soaking up the rays rather than greeting you.

    Tonight I am out to dinner with my friend for a birthday treat, we are having Vietnamese. I spent some time living in Thailand so that sort of food is my favorite, do you like Asian food?

    Well chat some more soon Mark

    Cheers

    Sarah

  22. Matchy69
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    4 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,how was your dinner out last night?,I love Asian food especially Chinese and enjoy cooking it and one of my favourite to cook is Honey Pineapple Chicken with fried rice.I also started getting into Indian food.

    Today i have my kids and i am taking them bowling.My 7 y.o wanted to go bowling so see how it goes.Not feeling up to do anything but i am trying.

    It is really nice talking to you,it makes me feel not so alone and have someone to share my thoughts with good and bad,I allways manage to scare peope away.

    My garden is really starting to look good with lots of spring colour.The vegies are starting to take off,I put in heaps of corn this year,my son loves corn.

    I have never been overseas and was planning to go about Years ago with a friend to Poland and Chzech republic as there is a Jawa Museum there.But i ruined that friendship and dosnt speak to me anymore.I have a great habit of losing friends

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  23. Aaronsis
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    4 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark

    It is really nice to chat to you too and I am glad that you are finding a friend in me, it is great to have someone to share your thoughts with both good and bad and you have been so helpful and a friend to me too.

    I had a great night last night, the food was amazing, we had this thing called duck donuts, which sounds totally weird and disgusting but it was possibly the best thing I have ever eaten! It was like shredded duck with all these spices and flavour and it was inside a crispy ball thing..wow it was awesome.

    Your honey pineapple chicken sounds delicious, I love pineapple in cooking, it makes things so fresh, do your kids like that recipe? I might try something like that with mine.

    That sounds so fun that you are off bowling with the kids and that you are trying to get out there and do things makes me so happy to hear. I am so proud of you that you are getting out as I know it is really tough for you.

    Ohhh I am so jealous of your garden it sounds so full of colour and those vegies will be so delicious all fresh from the garden, you are so clever to be able to grow these things, I am so bad at gardening so anyone that can produce that sort of thing is a genius in my opinion. I love corn too, especially the fresh stuff, just boiled but smothered in butter...naughty but so yummy...I agree with your son, it is the best!

    Overseas is pretty cool, it is a real eye opener to see other countries and to see how other people live. Especially places like Thailand where they are not as fortunate as us, it really makes me appreciate what we have in Australia, fresh water, electricity and fresh air, all the stuff we take in a day for granted. Perhaps you can put that on your list to do, to travel to Poland and Chzech republic, there are some amazing groups out there that cater for people that travel and alone and then you can meet some new people while experiencing a new country, that sounds pretty cool to me. I did an Intrepid tour to Spain last year and went alone. I felt kind or weird but there was 7 people in the group and in the end we all ended up like a little family. It was lovely. I still email one lady to this day.

    Well I will let you go and enjoy the day with those kiddies, hope you have some fun at bowling even with the daggy shoes..lol

    Chat really soon Mark

    Sarah

  24. Matchy69
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    4 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,i hope you are having a nice day.

    I took the kids bowling and i won by 2 pins from my 7 y.o son which was the closest hes got to beating me.And the clown shoes look great lol.We then played the games for tickets to get a prize.The kids decided to save the points for next time.

    The donut duck sounds tasty and would love to try it.Their are some interesting dishes out there.My kids love the honey pineapple chicken if i take half the ingrediants out like capsicum,shallotts and my daughter dosnt eat pineapple but my son eats it as he loves pineapple.

    The reason i had planned to go to Poland was my friend who i was going to go with was Polish and grew up there and came to australia when she was 16.But i had a falling out with her my fault,I was having trouble with my ex wife and getting to see my kids and got very depressed and took it out on my friend and told her to delete my number and never contact again.We use to do everything together.That was probably 4 years ago now.I have since emailed her a couple of times apologizing but she never responded back.I am my worst enemy,i dont think i am cut out for having friends.

    I have had a bit of a teary afternoon,i just miss that female friendship i use to have and sharing my everyday stuff with.

    I wish i could send you photos on here of my garden.It is starting to look nice,There wasnt really any gardens here when i bought the the place a couple of years ago.

    Take care,

    Mark

  25. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    4 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark

    So sorry for the late reply, I have not been at work this afternoon and just got home.

    I had my last counselling session today, well last one for now I suspect, I feel like I have come so far but still have some milestones to reach and that might see me back there, which I am totally fine with, she is amazing and has really helped me.

    The second part of the afternoon was confirmation that I am blind as a bat and need glasses full time....sigh...oh well, I picked some pretty cool frames I think, they are blue as they made my eyes look even bluer...lol

    That is really great to hear that your son is catching you with the bowling, some good competition is fun, you sound like you had a good time which is great. The shoe comment made me laugh too, they are so silly those shoes aren't they..lol

    I am so sorry that the loss of your dear friend is so painful for you. I really cant begin to imagine how difficult that must be. You seem to me like a wonderful friend and I am certainly enjoying chatting to you. I have noticed though as we get older friends to come and go in our lives and that is fine, but I do hear what you are saying in that you didn't want that friendship to end and that must be very hard to deal with. What are some of the things that you would like to tell your dear friend? Things that are happening in your life? I would like to hear about them.

    It has just started raining here and gotten really cold so I think it might be a good night for indoors and a movie...I might even see what dribble is on Netflix. What are you up to tonight?

    My daughter is turning 13 next week so I have to make her a birthday cake so I have to do some research for that as to what I will do....google "cake fails" if you want to have a good belly laugh, that is what my cake will look like.

    I would love to be able to see pics of your garden too, I get why tho that they don't allow such functions on here as some people may abuse it. That is so awesome that you turned your yard from no garden to a gorgeous flower and vegie filled yard, that is so clever to be able to do. I am heading out to the nursery tomorrow and not coming home til I find my Clivia...lol...well if I dont I am getting on the web site you suggested.

    What is your favorite thing to eat at Indian and do you like it really spicy? I love spicy food, the hotter the better...that was one of the great things about Thailand...the spicy food.

    Well hope to chat soon Mark

    Sarah

  26. Matchy69
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    5931 posts
    4 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,no need to apologize for your late reply,I know you have a life outside of this site.

    Thats good you finished your last counciling session.Did it help you?I have done them to and found it was just someone to talk to,i dont know whether it really helped me.Maby it did.

    My favourite ndian dish would be Rogan Josh probably because it made me a heap of money in the Melbourne Cup many years ago.I also like butter chicken,tandoori chicken,beef vindaloo just to name a few.I use to like it hot and spicey but since i had my gall bladder removed i find it hard eating it and have it mild these days.

    I made my son a Dondald duck cake and my daughter a cat cake for their birthdays.Turned out really good.Was told they looked professional.

    I have lost three female friends i was really close to.Two were my fault and i regret it and miss them.I would just tell them anout my everyday life what the kids are doing,what i have growing in my garden and just everyday things.I miss that and hearing about their everyday thinhs as well as talking about my problems and being there for theirs.My polish friend said i was the nicest guy she had ever met and my American friend said i was the sweetest man she has known.Now they both hate me and eont talk to me.

    Tonight i am just watching a movie with my daughter allthough shes on her laptop playing a game.

    I hope you find your Clivias.My mum use to grow them under the front veranda.

    take care

    Mark

  27. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    4 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Mark, I do have a life outside of this site but at the moment this site has been part of the reason I am feeling so much better and I am enjoying being here and talking to you and hopefully giving people that are feeling hopeless some tiny bit of hope, that there is a brighter tomorrow and things will not always feel this bad.

    I think that there is a common theme here and that the ladies that you have been friends with in the past describe you as "sweetest man she has known", "the nicest guy she has ever met" , I don't think people say those things to their friends unless they really mean them. I can see how caring and warm and interesting you are and I have only been chatting to you online and for a few days, so to have you as a friend is a blessing. I see what you said in your earlier message that you were having some issues with the kids and your ex wife and that you took these issues out on your friend and told her not to contact you. I can hear that you regret this now and that this is the cause of alot of your pain. Some time has passed now and also you seem like you have a great relationship with your children and perhaps your situation has changed with your exwife and there is less tension there. Do you think that if you emailed a note to your friend explaining that you are at a different stage in your life and realise that the anger you had for your exwife is no longer there and you would like the chance of a conversation. Do you think this is possible?

    Well I am enjoying learning some gardening tips from you and also hearing about your stunning gardens and how they are changing and growing, not to mention hearing how well you are doing at parenting and the fun times you are having with your kids.

    That is so awesome that you have made cakes for your kids, that is so special and will have some great memories for them that their dad made their cakes. The fact that people commented on them, perhaps your talents are wasted and you should be doing some baking and cake making on the side!!!

    Great night for a movie but yes, I hear you mine are addicted to the ipad playing games and doing all sorts of stuff, life is so different to when we were kids.

    All that talk of indian has made me hungry, I love butter chicken and chicken korma, I did laugh at the rogan josh part with the races..I remember that horse that won the Melbourne cup, not long til the next one. I am not really a horse racing fan but I am happy to have the long weekend.

    Sarah

  28. Matchy69
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    5931 posts
    4 October 2019 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah,its been an interesting night,watched a movie with my kids and my son had a total meltdown for no reason.Hes calmer now.

    Sarah you are a very sweet caring girl and remind me a lot of my female friends i have lost.I can tell through your msgs what a genuin caring person you are,you should be proud of the person you are.

    I dont know about being a professional baker,making cakes for my kids is enough.My mum use to be a wonderful cook and use to make the best birthday cakes.

    I sent my friend Sarah a lovely email on the may 15 this year.I just reread it tonight but i never got a reply back which was a shame i really valued her friendship and really amazing person.

    I remember when i first started dating my ex wife she use to say to me why was i so nice to her.I said isnt everyone nice to you and she said none of her exs were as nice as me.Unfortunately i had trouble in bed and she thought i didnt find her attractive anymore or that i was seeing someone else.She ended up cheating on me with a close friend of mine which really destroyed me.

    I hope you had a good evening.

    Your friend,

    Mark

  29. MyLadyGirl
    MyLadyGirl avatar
    129 posts
    4 October 2019

    Hello Matchy69

    I was exactly and currently the same situation as you are. I always cry for small little things and get upset for unnecessary things that I should not get worked up. I even cry at nigh thinking the worst and the bad that is to happen to me. I have no friend even in a foreign country. I have so much of feelings that I keep inside me and scared to express to anyone (even here) cause I am scared that people may not understand me.

    Then I learned that I can't do this to myself. I need to come out before I keep drowning myself with this anxiety, stress and sadness. I started to do something I like. I work in a place where I see smile and cute faces all day (even they cry for sleep) I realize what a beautiful thing it is. Looking at the happiness made me build up from a crying baby to a beautiful women. Yes people will judge me. People will try to avoid me from hearing my problem and complain and the situation that I am. Yes people will avoid being connected with you cause they feel that you bring them negative impact. Let them think what they want. You will be supported. You will be loved. People will help me as it takes time. People will realise that you are special. Until them believe in yourself. Take the leap. I can hold your hand but if you do not allow me to hold my hand we can't walk the path together. You need to take the lead.

    I know it's hard to loose a person. I have lost mine and up till now I do cry for the person that I have lost on the way. No one understand me that time. I started to talk to myself and people think I was mad and a psycho. As time goes by, I started to pick myself up and moved on.

    I am happy Mark has been a great supportive to you. If you feel like talking to me I am most welcome to talk to you. That is if you feel comfortable with.

    I do hope that you have a lovely day

  30. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
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    2459 posts
    4 October 2019 in reply to Matchy69

    Hey Mark

    Wow it sounds like you have had a rough night with your son, I am glad that he is calm now.

    Thank you so much for those lovely words Mark, I don't really hear that sort of stuff much, in fact not really at all so for you to say that to me that I am very grateful and grateful to that I have made a new friend.

    I didn't answer your question before about the counseling sessions and if I thought that they helped, the answer to that is sooo very much. I was lucky I think in that I found someone who I connected with straight off. She put so many things into perspective for me and really made me see things so much clearly. For example I felt like after Aaron died I had to go out and save the world from suicide and make sure that no one else died by this method, she helped me to understand that mostly people don't die by suicide, that I can't save everyone and nor is it possible to. She was right of course but I was so determined to make sure that no one on this earth had to experience what my dad did with receiving that phone call..as you and I know, this is not possible. She roll played tough conversations with me, she taught me how to listen and that I don;t actually have to fix everyone and I don't have to agree with everyone either.Well these are just a few things really and I could go on for days, but she was so proud of me today and I actually was able to say that yes she helped me but also, and I hope you don't mind, but I told her about our conversation and that we were helping each other too. she was so happy to hear that.

    That is another reminder for you of how wonderful you are as your exwife is right, not all people treat each other with respect and love in relationships, that is why some fail, and that goes for friendships too, some people have trouble actually knowing how to be a good friend. I am so very very sorry that you had that experience of being cheated on, that must have been so devastating for you. Then on top of that that the person was a close friend must have just been horrific. I am very thankful I have not had to experience that and I hope I don't ever have to. It is so common that men have issues with intimacy so you are certainly not alone there, I think that the trick is to find other ways to love each other without it always having to be about sex or actually having sex. Hugs, kisses and just fun time together is sometimes way better.

    Well off to bed for me now

    Have a wonderful sleep and chat tomorrow

    S

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