Sorry to hear you're feeling low at the moment.
Personally, I think a lot of the things you're feeling are so normal.
- Doubting yourself.
- Feeling alone.
- Wanting affection and someone to care for.
- Feeling like a failure.
Doesn't everyone feel like that? I know all of these feelings. So no I'm not laughing...because feeling like this is horrible.
Another member pulled me up once and said not everything is related to MI. This helped me and I wondered if it will help you too.
I think it's easy on a low day to feel my therapy/meds are useless and I'm back at square one. But you're not. Because not all of the things you talk about are caused solely by MI.
You're sick of being lonely. That is understandable. Yes your MI and social anxiety have a huge impact on your isolation but they don't restrict you from trying.
So when is the last time you asked someone out? Like it or not it's still mostly expected that the bloke does the asking. Have you tried?
You're not a pansy. Or any of the other put downs you said. Tall is awesome. This is you putting yourself down so you give up. Making yourself feel worthless so you stop trying.
Saying "I can't" because of my MI is not fair on yourself. You are able to talk to people when you push yourself. You're creative and smart. Just like everyone else you have positive features.
Yes you're anxious... So what? Embrace it. My hubby told me once why are you so worried about what everyone else thinks... Letting go is liberating. He's right. It is difficult to accept who I am. But I'm trying. And it feels good to stop caring. We are all messed up. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.
I spoke to my cousin today about his tattoo. Usually I'd be polite. But today I didn't feel like it. So I told him about my plan since uni for full sleeves and full back tattoo. Blackwork. The artist I'd picked. How hubby was horrifed to hear my plan and so relieved when I was told by my specialist no tattoos... you won't heal. Bye bye dream. Hello happy husband. How I regret waiting.
He and my uncle laughed like mad and looked at me like they'd never seen me before. What? She actually has a personality? It was nice. I'm weird. They like me anyway. How strange. Apparently foot in mouth is funny.
My point... You're ok as you are. Give up the high standards you set yourself and let people know you. Find activities you find fun where you get to meet interesting people and talk.
What do you think?