I had an exH who never apologised for a thing, ever, and did the worst things imaginable. I know now that it was all intentional. But he was raised by narcs & he was worse.
He would say "how come when YOU do something wrong, the argument is over in a minute. But when I do something wrong, it goes on for ages".... I think he was talking about his silent treatment to me...
My reply was .... because when I do something wrong, I apologise immediately.
Almost always my mistake was unintentional.
And he could also be the life of the party in mixed company & I would think he's talking to me again but the second the last people left, he'd be straight back into silence. Yelling usually & then silence again. Horrible.
I don't think "sorry" was in my mother's vocabulary lol. She cut the end of my finger off whilst she made us both use the same chopping board to cut veg. No sorry, just anger that my blood came out.
The one thing that's worse than no apology is a "SOR-REEEE then" & "are you HAPPY now?".
Yeah I'm doing cartwheels lol.
For me a confirmation that someone is actually sorry is that they avoid doing that thing again. Or try to. Sincerity is important in an apology, otherwise it's not a real apology IMO. I used to apologise for everything to get that behind us... but that's not a healthy relationship. I quit that.
Now I do apologise & always have when I know I did something wrong, or forgot something important etc.
But if it's a bit of an iffy apology then I frame the words pretty carefully like, "I'm sorry I hurt you by saying that, it wasn't my intention" if that's true etc.
Reading all this is making me even more sure that I can't do marriage again.
I had another exH that, AFTER we were married, just started merrily doing all sorts of stuff almost every day; drinking to excess, gambling till there was zero left in bank account, borrowing money from all & sundry, when he started staying out at night, & we had a young family, I was done. He'd say sorry (when he was found out) & expected I'd be thrilled with that?
The apology wasn't sincere because there was ZERO effort at changing anything.
He actually said "You'd never leave me, you NEED me" (that was his assessment of our marriage, clearly).
Hmmmm no I didn't. I needed that garbage like rocks in my shoes.
I left the same night and NEVER went back.
Another apology I can't stand is "You made me do it, but SORRY" seriously dealing with a toddler's attitude there.