Thank you for your response, again!
When I am stern on the no contact phase, he has all of these epiphanies suggesting why he’s the way he is.
He definitely thinks he is much better than the world and without putting him down, he doesn’t have any reason for it. He doesn’t have the best job, most money, best looking. He’s just a normal man, he’s not better than anyone in the world at all.
In light of the new covid situation, he picked up nappies and formula incase SA were due to lockdown. In saying that HE or his parents? I am not sure, nonetheless our baby was thought of and I appreciated that.
With him coming over, he asked me to sit and talk to him. I reluctantly listened as I have heard it all before..
He expressed how he self deflects and understands that he has a lot of issues. He said he has been trying to pinpoint the situations he’s experiences where he became the way he was.
I find it all so hard to believe, I think that is resentment. I said imagine carrying two bags, full of hate and anger and everything he has hung onto, now imagine I’m trying to give you a gift, love, compassion, all good things. You can’t hold it because you’re hands are full of what you don’t let go. He does see my perspective sometimes, I have to tweak the way I think to communicate sometimes but that is ok.
His timeline of events just don’t truly add up at all but without being able to confirm. He’s expressed being bullied as a chid. He understands now, he prefers to be the bully. He has expressed his parents were very abusive towards each other, violence, checking phones, again questioning movements etc. I told my partner we all experience some kind of pain and trauma, it’s our job and ours alone to ensure nobody else feels like we have in the past.
he described it as, if he feels like I’m attacking him, he will attack harder.
Why would we want to intentionally inflict pain onto someone we love?
Also I appreciate your concern so much! I don’t feel lesser value, I just get frustrated I am questioned for wanting to look and feel good. Somedays I don’t care, I think I’m a grown adult, I’ll do whatever I want!
I think as the days go by, I’m genuinely sensing myself let go of this relationship. The more independence I have again, I’m feeling like myself before the relationship. I missed myself so much! I’m not hurting a single soul in the world, so why should I adjust to be someone and something I’m not.