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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Desperately needing help!

Topic: Desperately needing help!

19 posts, 0 answered
  1. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    27 June 2021
    My partner and I have endured a whirl wind of a relationship. I have been to see a psychologist who has advised I am seemingly ok! My partner on the other hand is not at all in my opinion but won’t seek the help he needs. I have begged and pleaded. On a good day this man is amazing, we have a 5 month old baby now and he is a brilliant Dad. He is kind and caring, he does anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. My partner has a very insecure other side, a completely different persona to say the least. He can be cruel and evil, his words are horrendous. He accuses me of cheating almost daily with every single man alive. He wants constant reassurance. I’m busy with two children, I can’t always be at his beck and call. We stay on the phone all day long, we spend every waking moment together when he is off of work but if I offend him in the slightest, he goes on a tangent. He breaks up with me, he calls me horrible names and he is just the worst person in the world. I wonder if he has bipolar, Borderline, I have no idea. I have researched a million possibilities and I try to approach with caution. I’m not a psychologist at all, I just try all avenues to see if any other form of communication will help him in fits of rage. I am desperate and cannot take anymore. Currently I have just cut communication. He is blowing up my phone, texts, calls and emails suggesting I’m a terrible person. I’m not, I’m truly not. I have never cheated, not even slightly. I stay home all day with our baby and clean and cook and just wait for this man who I truly love to no end. I just need help in trying to understand what I am dealing with. Does he have a disorder or is he just nasty, controlling, a horrible person deep down. Any help, any advice is so very much appreciated!
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
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    Sophie_M avatar
    5929 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13
    Hey MissPink13,

    Wishing you a very warm welcome to these forums and well done on taking such a brave and important step in reaching out to the community- we know that this is not an easy thing to do. We are so sorry to hear about what's been happening in your family and with your partner- it must be incredibly difficult to be treated like this, and please know that our community are here to help support you and offer their caring support and advice. We think you are such a strong person to be going through so much while caring for your two children, and understand that you are wanting clarity and understanding on his behaviour. 

    We think it would really help to get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. Our friends at 1800RESPECT are also available to you 24/7 on 1800 737 732 or anytime through online chat at https://www.1800respect.org.au  and specialise in providing advice and support to those in situations like these. We hope that you also always feel welcome to talk these feelings through with our Beyond Blue Support Service, available  anytime on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for more ongoing support if this is something you may be interested in.

    We hope that you can find some solace here on the forums, and feel a little less alone through this. Our community are all here to help support you through this, and please continue updating us here on your thread whenever you feel ready to.
     
    1 person found this helpful
  3. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    64 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13,

    Welcome to the forums and having the bravery to post about what must be a very distressing situation for you. You will find lots of support and useful advice here.

    I am not in the situation, or a professional, so it is difficult to say. What you have described sounds like you are in a controlling relationship with a controlling person. Google this. There is advice on what this type of relationship looks like and links to where you can get help to work out what to do about the situation to keep yourself safe.

    I hope this helps. Take care of yourself and if you are able and feel up to it, please let us know how you are going.

    WaterFront

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1568 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13
    Hi there. While none of us can say what’s going on, it sounds to me like relationship anxiety on his part. It doesn’t make his behaviour ok, but might help to explain it. I think it’s appropriate that you’ve cut communication, as that demonstrates you’re not willing to accept his behaviour. Sophie has provided some great resources, and if it is relationship anxiety, your partner can work through this.
    1 person found this helpful
  5. therising
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    2184 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13

    My heart goes out to you during this overwhelming challenge you're facing. You sound like an incredibly tolerant person already facing the challenging work of being an amazing mum and managing your own mental health.

    I suppose it's a matter of starting with the facts and working from there. While you're unsure of what's going on with him, you know for a fact what's going on with you. Sounds like you feel you're in an intolerable relationship, which is somewhat anxiety inducing and potentially depressing long term. Would you say that's the case? Would you say the relationship is impacting your self esteem and exhausting you to some degree? Are you walking on eggshells when it comes to a lot of what you say and do? Is the relationship somewhat fearful and stressful?

    If this is the case and you feel you can't lead him to seek help, is it possible to seek help for the relationship? Is it possible for you to say to him something like 'I can't tolerate what's happening with this relationship for much longer. It's deeply challenging my mental health. I feel relationship counseling is needed. I feel if we don't go, I can't manage staying in the relationship'? So, it's like focusing on the health of the relationship as opposed to his mental health. If he eventually agrees then it's up to the counselor to bring up the issues with him.

    I can remember going to relationship counseling some years ago. I actually went by myself, as my husband refused to go, stating that our relationship is no one's business. For me, the marriage was becoming intolerable due to his controlling and unreasonable nature. I learned a lot during those sessions. The sessions boosted my self esteem and gave me a clearer direction in regard to what I deserved in a relationship. Two of the take home messages that impacted me the most, (1) you deserve a relationship that raises you as opposed to bringing you down and (2) your opinions and beliefs matter no matter what your husband thinks. If you believe the relationship needs help, that matters, no matter what he may think. Maybe you could even say 'If you don't care enough about saving this relationship, I will go on my own', if that's your choice. Another choice may involve you ending it.

    Take pride in the fact that you're accepting the challenge of evolving the relationship. If he doesn't accept this challenge that is not your fault. You could be facing his fault, to blame rather than take responsibility.

    Take care of yourself :)

    1 person found this helpful
  6. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to therising

    Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. I am very grateful!

    I have researched controlling relationships and it does seem to ring true in a lot of aspects. This makes me sad in a lot ways. I think perhaps it does relate to some underlying issues from his past, I do know he was cheated on but given he accuses me of it so often, I wonder if this ex partner actually did do this or if he just convinced himself so truly that she did. I just know I have never given him a reason to suspect.

    I am so unhappy in this relationship. I feel somewhat defeated because when I feel like everything is going well, something causes him to lose his bearings and get mad about something again. He mentioned in an email, when he looks at me I’m never present, I’m always thinking. I feel like I can’t express myself and I want to cry my eyes out, tell or scream, I just keep quiet and plod along. I imagine this would contribute to his concern. I can’t help it, I’ve expressed I need to be able to hVe my own views and opinions. I just cannot trust him when my views and opinions don’t match up to his. It’s so disheartening and disappointing.

    I am very grateful for all of the resources available to look into. I especially appreciate the first hand advice from experiences.

    We are still currently no contact. I did receive some very toxic, nasty emails last night suggesting he was moving on now. He has said this very often when I don’t respond. I am still not responding, until my mind is positive enough to communicate productively. I’m no saint, I’d love to tell him a peace of my mind but appreciate that makes things worse and then I end up feeling lousy for it anyway.

    I am going to phone Relationships Australia and see what I can do with that resource and then perhaps reach out to him to see if this would be an option.

    @therising May I ask if your husband ever did attend these sessions? Are you still married today? And did anything change for your relationship?

    I am due to attend my study course tomorrow in floristry, I am so extremely excited so that will take my mind off of the situation for the day at least!

    Again, to you all I am so incredibly grateful for you all taking the time to respond to me ❤️

  7. Guest_3256
    Guest_3256 avatar
    324 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi my friend.

    You are very courageous and supportive for reaching out for support which shows how much love you have for you man. I would like to add some insight from my own perspective as I have suffered from his type of behaviour. Whether it's toxic or not is really up to you. As you are asking for support, I can say from what you have stated that he may be experiencing difficulties managing his self-confidence - as in he doesn't trust himself enough to value his love for you. What ever his past-trauma/experiences are that have led him to this moment in which you read here, your partner is living in the past. One of the hardest things; is to accept that he may not value (love) himself and therefore may have difficulties being able to challenge his thought and emotions which appear to be not real. He may feel quite abandoned and when he breaks away from you, this is possibly due to the inability to accept that he feels extremely ashamed of how he is treating you.

    You have the power to help him help himself. It may take some time, however, if you can bare the progress, it will be worth it in the long run. As we need to water our garden, so will he become flourished with joy and love. He loves you, he needs to be able to accept his shame/guilt and grow and be the best version of himself, he just needs you to push him in the right direction.

    You have a beautiful family created by two amazing people.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2184 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13

    I'm so glad everyone's been leading you to wonder in new ways. I think wonder can often lead us away from perhaps being too harsh on our self. You know what it's like sometimes when you find you're making statements about yourself based on believing what you're told by others. Your mind can be tightly closed, clutching onto the belief 'I'm unreasonable and unfair. I'm too brutal in regard to how I express myself and lacking in compassion'. If someone can lead you to wonder 'Am I unreasonable and unfair? Am I too brutal and lacking in compassion?' it can become mind altering. If you wonder enough, sometimes you can actually find the truth, which may be far from what you've been led to believe. Imagine wonder leading you to the realisation 'Heck, I've tried reasoning 'til I'm blue in the face. This makes me incredibly reasonable. And fair? If fairness was an art form, I'd equal the productions of Rembrandt. I've expressed so much compassion that I just aint got no more left. The well of compassion is empty, now it's time to express intolerance. I'm allowed to express it. It's okay.' Wonder can be a magical natural self esteem booster, once you follow its lead.

    No, my husband never went to any of those sessions but that's okay. What I got, for my efforts, was the reward of greater consciousness. While I continue to change on my quest of growing consciousness, he remains largely unchanged. I've come to realise that's okay too. I've gradually disappointed him from a lot of the roles I'd originally appointed him. While the process of disappointment has held some grief, it has also enabled me to discover who I naturally am. While we're still together after 20 years, I've grown so much through the challenges he's given me. He's challenged me to vibe low, through doing little other than watching tv together. I've discovered through my intolerance of this that I'm naturally a high viber. While I can easily trigger my 2 grown teenagers to wonder (it's one of our favourite pastimes), I can rarely lead my husband to wonder about most things. Through this I've come to discover I'm naturally wonderful (full of wonder, like a kid). The list goes on when it comes to what the challenges have led me to discover about myself. In a way, you could say, I could not have come this far without him.

    While you give your partner a piece of your mind on occasion, would it be the piece that holds the ability to naturally express who you are and what you feel?

    :)

  9. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to Guest_3256

    Hi Jsua,

    How I appreciate this response as it is the kind of response I think I wanted to hear rather than needed to hear, thank you!

    Although I do sincerely appreciate your perspective, I’m not sure he does lack self confidence. He is incredibly vein, he works out, he gets his hair and beard done at the barber each week, he has had many past relationships with stunning women. He tells me often how good looking he knows he is.

    Sometimes I feel like he thinks he is too good for me now and that is why he is so nasty.
    I’m a just a daggy Mum now, I haven’t had my hair done for over a year, I stopped working out, I don’t tan or do my nails, I look ok but I’m not the vibrant, up-kept woman I was when we met. I just don’t have any spare time, he’s too busy on himself to help and honestly I am a little scared to look any better, because I sit at home all day now, he wonders why I would dress up. I’m totally ok with the bun and trackies look

    On one hand he will complain I’m not the same, actually importantly if we go out anywhere and I attempt to put in effort that is a huge deal because he thinks I’m trying to impress someone else. I have just about bled from scrubbing my face, removing makeup because he suggested I didn’t need it to go out. I was so mad at him, I took it out on myself rather.

    It’s like when he lashes out at something, he genuinely goes away thinking he will just find someone better or worse yet, has someone better already. He can just treat me how he likes knowing I love him and will always try to support him when he returns.

    Maybe he wants the security of a family but also wants to do what he wants away from his family as well because he’s better than us?

    Of course I just have so many possibilities constantly floating around my mind on how someone can think and act in such a way. It’s very difficult to not resent him to some extent.

  10. Juliet_84
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    Juliet_84 avatar
    570 posts
    28 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13,

    This reminded me of a comment I once read that “most people are in therapy to try and deal with the people who refuse to go to therapy”. Your situation sounds very similar to my last relationship, which was a domestic violence situation. Whirlwind romance, moved in together very quickly. My partner was the most loving, understanding, caring and charming person, until he wasn’t. It would build up gradually over weeks, he would become hypercritical, extremely jealous and then a huge blow-up when the mask would slip and you’d see the ugliness underneath. There was no insult that was off limits, no insult that was too vile. And then it would be almost like a release for him. You’d wake up the next morning shell-shocked and dazed, as if you’d done 10 bouts in the ring with Mike Tyson and be expecting remorse and an apology and instead no real acknowledgement, minimizing, it wasn’t that bad, rationalization, you both said things etc. Very occasionally an apology and groveling or more charm when felt you were pulling away. When someone shows you who they are, you need to believe them. It’s not often these things get better, in my experience (and others) these types of people become too comfortable violating your boundaries. They have a need for control and it’s never really enough, because it’s not about you. There is a free ebook called “why does he do that? Inside the minds of violent and controlling men” it is well worth a read and will help to shed some light on the behaviors that you see.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Guest_3256
    Guest_3256 avatar
    324 posts
    30 June 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Good to hear from you MissPink13.

    Going off your recent response, I'd defiantly believe that he may be experiencing grandiosity, again, from what you have stated. If he may have a grandiose attitude on life, than may be more difficult for you to navigate. It reminds me of a little boat trying to navigate around a big ship, how hard it must be. I also wonder if you have attempted in many ways to speak to him about your concerns and if he becomes easily offended about your feedback. Grandiosity usually implies digging for a reaction. They throw mud at us to see how we react. Reaction gives grandiosity fictional empowerment and the belief that one great (power).

    I also want to clarify that you mentioned, he may make you feel somewhat of lesser value? You said: "I am a little scared to look any better, because I sit at home all day now, he wonders why I would dress up." I would never make my partner feel of lesser value as this is not benefiting me to live a happy and prosperous life in any means. Food for thought.

    Relationships needs to be balanced equally and there needs to be open communication between both parties. If your partner is thinking that people are better than others, you may need to dig a little deep to see where this belief has come from, it could have manifested from past issues i.e. family upbringing. Sometimes we need to acknowledge that someone can grow to be a better person or change because that all they know and think that their behaviour and attitudes are totally normal (healthy).

    For you, I can only suggested that you focus on what you enjoy doing, being as happy as you can, especially with you little family.

    May be it's time for a boundaries chat with him.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    1 July 2021 in reply to Guest_3256

    Thank you for your response, again!

    When I am stern on the no contact phase, he has all of these epiphanies suggesting why he’s the way he is.

    He definitely thinks he is much better than the world and without putting him down, he doesn’t have any reason for it. He doesn’t have the best job, most money, best looking. He’s just a normal man, he’s not better than anyone in the world at all.

    In light of the new covid situation, he picked up nappies and formula incase SA were due to lockdown. In saying that HE or his parents? I am not sure, nonetheless our baby was thought of and I appreciated that.

    With him coming over, he asked me to sit and talk to him. I reluctantly listened as I have heard it all before..

    He expressed how he self deflects and understands that he has a lot of issues. He said he has been trying to pinpoint the situations he’s experiences where he became the way he was.

    I find it all so hard to believe, I think that is resentment. I said imagine carrying two bags, full of hate and anger and everything he has hung onto, now imagine I’m trying to give you a gift, love, compassion, all good things. You can’t hold it because you’re hands are full of what you don’t let go. He does see my perspective sometimes, I have to tweak the way I think to communicate sometimes but that is ok.

    His timeline of events just don’t truly add up at all but without being able to confirm. He’s expressed being bullied as a chid. He understands now, he prefers to be the bully. He has expressed his parents were very abusive towards each other, violence, checking phones, again questioning movements etc. I told my partner we all experience some kind of pain and trauma, it’s our job and ours alone to ensure nobody else feels like we have in the past.

    he described it as, if he feels like I’m attacking him, he will attack harder.

    Why would we want to intentionally inflict pain onto someone we love?

    Also I appreciate your concern so much! I don’t feel lesser value, I just get frustrated I am questioned for wanting to look and feel good. Somedays I don’t care, I think I’m a grown adult, I’ll do whatever I want!

    I think as the days go by, I’m genuinely sensing myself let go of this relationship. The more independence I have again, I’m feeling like myself before the relationship. I missed myself so much! I’m not hurting a single soul in the world, so why should I adjust to be someone and something I’m not.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15301 posts
    1 July 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hello MissPink, excuse me for interrupting all these great replies.

    He can't keep telling you that he knows what may be wrong but do nothing about it, and although he may be terrific with the baby, that's not the issue here, it's his treatment of you, is what is concerning, you can't love one member and not the other person who has a mammoth job doing what you know is best.

    You are entitled to wear makeup when you go out, you've been pregnant for 9 months and want to dress up, good on you and of course, you are not going to run off, what on earth is he thinking and to wear a dress after 9 months must make you feel beautiful, you deserve to.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  14. therising
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    therising avatar
    2184 posts
    1 July 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13

    Sounds like you're reaching an understanding that's going to naturally direct you when it comes to which way to go.

    Re-membering yourself, kind of like bringing your self back together after some form of depressing disintegration, is such a natural and liberating form of self guidance. 'I re-member the me who loves joy, who loves peace, who loves ease, who loves the freedom to be myself, who loves the excitement of life' and so on, is a way of not only bringing yourself back together but it's also a way of falling in love with yourself all over again. This is what I'm finding in my own relationship. Not sure whether you feel the same but I found the disintegration process so gradual that I really didn't see it happening over the years. It's like waking up one day to suddenly find you've lost yourself, perhaps proclaiming 'This is not the life I'm meant to be living, one of ongoing sufferance'.

    Wondering if it would make any difference to the relationship if you said to your partner 'You need to now fast track this process. You've expressed you know what the issues are, so now you need to find someone who can help you sort through them in a timely manner. If you don't, I'm not sure I have the patience or ability to wait this out, for you to gradually work out your challenges by yourself over the years to come'.

    If he makes a commitment to not fast tracking his progress (for his own sake, for your sake and for the sake of the relationship), I imagine you have your answer when it comes to how many years this may go on for. The question is - can you tolerate that? Will you tolerate that?

    He should love the person who pushes him to evolve beyond his own pain.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  15. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to therising

    Thank you for your kind words, again!

    I have definitely remembered who I am in the no contact stage. I didn’t forget but I kind of pushed her aside to appease someone’s insecurities. I think I woke up and thought, if I’m “not that good” then no problems, leave me be.

    I am generally a happy person anyway but now I’m sensing some relief when it’s time for him to leave.

    I have asked him many questions, including some some social media accounts I’ve discovered over the day or two. I never looked but I confronted him and asked if they were his. I felt extremely disappointed he had his full blown lying face on. I approached with confidence as if I knew what he was up to and he did seem concerned. If he’s off talking to other girls, what the hell am I still doing on these forums asking for help! Why am I still trying to be understanding and listen to him when he doesn’t care enough to change anything in the world. I feel sorry for myself and the time I’ve wasted trying to be supportive. I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help them self.

    In saying all of this, every comment has made me realise this man is the problem in our relationship and my life period. I kind of knew but as always, it ultimately has to be my own epiphany to the situation.

    I’m happy to let it go, of course I feel disappointed and sad of a future that doesn’t exist anymore but even in questioning him and knowing he’s lying, I know deep down, he’s not going to change his own behaviour or attitude towards life and so I’m equally wasting my time and life living with his demons and self grandiose. I’m not him, it’s not my burden.

    Thank you again to all of your advice and guidance and the advice and guidance of everyone that has followed this thread. I am so eternally grateful ❤️

  16. WaterFront
    WaterFront avatar
    64 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Stay strong, MissPink13. For yourself and your baby.

    You seem to be navigating the situation with intelligence and sensitivity. I wish you the best of good fortune as you work your way through this. You can encourage him to get help in dealing with his issues for sure though this becomes his responsibility to do so.

    WaterFront

  17. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2184 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to MissPink13

    Hi MissPink13

    I'm glad the path ahead is clearer and you can dedicate more time to loving yourself back to life. It's kind of a mind altering phrase, 'To love yourself back to life'. It's a bit like...Where did life go? Oh, there it is, away from all the drama and challenge that was beginning to bring me down. Alright, here we go, ready to reconnect...5, 4, 3, 3, 2, 1...Houston, we have lift off' :)

    I wish to express my gratitude to you too. You've managed to raise my consciousness, in regard to my marriage. With you being able to identify key aspects regarding your own relationship, you've given out a few guiding lights/epiphanies. I do wish to thank you deeply, from the heart.

    I imagine you can relate to the occasional wake up call in your relationship, where you're left thinking or wondering 'If this man loves me like he proclaims to, how could he possibly do or say something so highly questionable?' While your own psychological slap in to full consciousness came with the social media situation, my latest one also came with a bit of a sting. When my 18yo daughter expressed how much she, her brother and myself are bored with the house we live in, I added for grater clarity, so as not to trigger my husband 'I am deeply grateful for this house and always have been. We simply wish for us all to move on, to the next exciting adventure (a new home), as we'd done 16 years prior which led us to this one'. He could have expressed understanding, he could have asked 'How do you think we could make this one a little more exciting?' or he could have even expressed 'Why not, let's do it!' but be didn't. The man who proclaims to love us all sooooo much responded with 'Well, if you're that bored you can all leave'. Not sure if the sting came from his dismissiveness regarding our feelings or from the revelation that he feels this is his house, not ours (we can leave him in his house).

    Myself, my daughter and my 15yo son have started living the dream. My daughter's been buying Tatts tickets toward our dream home :) Nothing quite like imaging the future the way you want it to appear. Imagination can gradually lead you out what what you don't want.

    Miss Pink, we shall imagine only the best :)

    1 person found this helpful
  18. MissPink13
    MissPink13 avatar
    8 posts
    4 July 2021 in reply to therising

    It really is such a mind over matter scenario! Life goes on, happy, sad, mad. It’s what we make it!

    Seems we’re both imagining up and to some extent striving for a better tomorrow as well as appreciating our lives today, we’re not promised tomorrow after all. If we don’t live today, we MAY wake up tomorrow regretting the days we’ve been fortunate enough to have. Appreciating everything we have!

    Your children sound like an abundance of strength for you and true clarification comes from our little blessings. We are their mirror image, so imagine their positive outlooks in their short lives, how beautiful and bright their outlook on life is. Well not to toot our horns, they had to get it from somewhere and it’s without saying, if we remain positive they too will follow with that.

    You are amazing beyond measure and those beautiful children show that with their strength and courage to fulfil life in anyway they wish.

    The best advice comes from unfiltered little minds, navigating life is equally difficult and rewarding, we just need to remind ourselves and others, we only get one let’s make it one to remember and always be grateful for.

    Wishing you all the luck on that amazing home, you have to be in it to win it ❤️

  19. Baffi
    Baffi avatar
    7 posts
    4 July 2021 in reply to MissPink13
    Hi MissPink13! Your story sounds familiar to mine, which i had just posted today. I had once bought new stunning bed linen and changed it because i knew he would come for the weekend the next day. I thought he will be happy but he lost it. He yelled in the phone why would i change the linen now, when he is not even here yet. So i took it all of and never used it again. I was so upset. Also the name calling sounds familiar. He called me names, i am too ashamed to even write or to say. He would always say later that he didnt mean it. I had the feeling he is Mr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One moment “ i love you forever” and the next “ i hate you”. I hope you can stay strong and me too. I honestly dont believe they will change. As u said yourself. How can someone say they love you and treat you/ us so badly?!!!

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