Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Relationship and family issues / Used and tossed aside

Topic: Used and tossed aside

25 posts, 0 answered
  1. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    22 July 2016
    A couple of years ago I was on Facebook and one of my female cousins had a friend who I'll call TC short for her name. I saw her profile pic and instantly found her to be exceptionally beautiful. At the time she was on again off again with her partner and was pregnant with his child so I never got the opportunity to meet her or take her on a date. I then moved away from Adelaide to Sydney for 18 months. I relocated back to Adelaide on the 3rd of June. Since I have been back I have asked if she would be interested in meeting up and she expressed interest in doing so. About two weeks ago on the 8th of July she rings me up at about between 11pm and 12am drunk and somewhat scared because where she lives there are multiple units and some guys that live in the other units had propositioned her and it freaked her out. She called me because she had no one else to turn to and I wanted to be there for her to show her I care. I spent the night sleeping next to her nothing seedy happened. I've liked this girl and I thought this might be a way to show her who I am not from chatting online. Anyway the next day I go home and get a message saying she just wants to be friends and how she is happier being single and looking after her little boy than to have someone in her life. I say I understand...even though it's not what I want. But I felt she has already made up her mind. Since that happened some of her other support network friends severed their relationship and I was resolved to offering too help her out whenever she needed it..was bending over backward so much just to show her I cared and liked her and wanted to be there for her and her son...his father doesn't want anything to do with him anymore..anyway fast forward to tonight..she posts a pic of herself on facebook cosied up to some other guy despite saying she was happier being single. That hurt a lot. I would have done everything in my power to make her happy and feel cared for and this is what I get..not even a chance at all
  2. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Hi there so sorry she has treated you this way as they say if u love them let them go and if they come back it was meant to be. You sound like such a beautiful person with a beautiful nature never stop being u there is a girl out there for u i know thereis there r lots of girls who would love to have such a sincere guy by their side u don't to see her posts they will just upset and dishearten u believe me u can and u will find the girl that's meant to be with you. And u definitely didn't deserve that slap in the face she gave you always here for u to chat glad you have joined us xx hope to speak with you soon venessa
  3. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    22 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    It just honestly never occurred to me that she would be like that. All I could see when I saw photos of her is someone kind and caring. When I was at her house on the Saturday morning I let her sleep because I felt she needed to catch up on rest and while she was sleeping I looked after her little feller...not that I did so because she was sleeping but I just wanted to help her. Not alot would have done that and I'd do it a million times again if it meant it helped her
  4. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Yes girls will seem to amaze u there is probably stuff in her head that she needs to sort out but she is not ready to face it that is very sweet of you looking after her little one while she slept ur right not many would have done it the fact that you would do it all over again and more i can c u really love her which is beautiful but please look after ur emotional well being in the midst of it. Your a very special guy thanks for coming back to me xx venessa
  5. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    Not long after writing my first message last night on this thread this woman TC texted me telling me her son has a virus and she has a chest infection and that she needed me. So like a fool possibly I caught a taxi all the way to her house just after midnight. We drank some wine. Had some soup and talked a bit. Then this morning just left me with a lingering thought, that she only seems to want my company when she needs it. At the point when she will stop needing help I suspect I will become useless to her. She was saying she could have called some other guys to help her but they would have expected sexual favours from her in return. Where as myself I don't want to be there for her only if I get repaid with sex. I want much more from her. Something along the lines of a romantic relationship
  6. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    23 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter

    Hey man. You're a nice guy, don't let her take advantage of you. The only way to sort his out is to escalate. Make a move. Take it to the next level. If she doesn't respond don't take it to heart just move on. You need to get out of the friend zone. I'm not trying to be nasty, I just want you to get out of this rut with this woman so you're not stuck in no man's land

  7. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Ok well u need to be direct with her then don't just let her think she has u at every beck and call i don't want to c her take advantage of ur beautiful soul u deserve more xx lay it out on the table if she is worried about the whole commitment relationship thingy then u must let urself move on from this and find someone who recipricates those feelings. Its a two way game u deserve the happiness owed to y thanks for coming back to me xx
  8. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    I asked her about this other guy she was taking pics with and she kind of brushed me aside. During our conversation she went to sleep. Think I will seperate myself from her for a while. Don't need to be treated like that. Already feel bad enough
  9. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Interesting i believe that is a good idea to save ur sanity use it as a learning experience after all life is one big learning curve xx always here if u need to talk and I have no doubt u will be snapped up with the love u deserve xx take care and feel free to post anytime you want ☺
  10. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    Thanks Fairy Wings I appreciate your input. I don't really know if I believe in love anymore. Nothing has ever made me convinced it exists. All I see is a world of hatred. People that take advantage of others. That's not love at all
  11. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Anytime your very welcome. It will come to you when you least expect it xx in a situation you never imagined that it could pls take care venessa and yes the world is full of nasty things but in you are sure to find goodness in those small little pockets in life u would have never thought of looking in.
  12. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    I doubt that it will ever come to me. I've been waiting about 12 years for something long lasting and in that time I've seen 17 weddings take place. Here I remain pretty much alone every day because it's hard being around married couples and they never take the time to visit or check on my well being. Living the perfect life is a full time effort. I guess I'm just wanting what they have so bad I put myself in situations that leave me a little more broken every time it fails
  13. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Hi pls don't doubt urself everything in life happens for a reason its just not ur time yet im really sorry to hear that it has been so long for u its not u the right girl hasn't come along yet. They say good things happen to those who wait but i get it how long does one have to wait for love xx I want u to focus on u for the time being i would love to know more about you if ur comfortable in saying so. School work do you have family supports around? Do you have single friends that u can hang out with?
  14. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings

    I'm 30 years old. I have done quite a few courses since leaving high school. Yet find it difficult to get a job. Maybe my anxiety that I have plays a part in my efforts...somedays just don't feel like trying to find work because I don't see a glimmer of hope on the horizon. I don't have much family support. My father has a mental disability and while he says he loves me he's not someone I feel I can to turn to for guidance or support. And my mother doesn't give a damn about myself or my siblings. I also don't have single friends either. Like I said I have seen 17 weddings take place since 2006 either as an invited guest or as me hearing about it over the internet. I'm pretty much alone all the time. At night and on the weekends it's really bad because I'm stuck in my place and only have the inner voice in my head as company and it's a bad place to be in. I feel like I can only try to reach out to one friend and I did so a couple of weeks ago. I asked him if he wanted to hang out etc and haven't heard back from him yet

    TMC

  15. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    24 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Ur still young. Yes i did that as well after leaving hs in the end chose to follow thru with youth work and now at 36yrsold that is what I do. I no longer work in the field anymore bc i have a 3yrld little boy who has autism and a hubby who has chrons disease so I am really full time carers for both of them its very exhausting some days. I also suffer from bipolar disorder boderline personality disorder and have been medicated for quite some time. I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have much family support how is ur relationship with ur siblings? I would suffer with really bad anxiety at night too its not easy but I found talking myself out of that state is what helped me get thru i would also call lifeline and talk to someone when it all got a bit too much for me. The bb hotline is open 24hrs to help you thru those lonely nights u have us as well who r all here for u so ir def ur not alone in any of this xx yes being in my own head is a nasty place to be in as well again i have learnt to fight these demons in my head and not listen to them that is when they get weaker and u will become stronger bc ur not allowing them to dictate what u do. I really encourage you to get out of the house and go and sit with nature for a while walk along the beach just sitting amongst nature can be so therapeutic for ur soul. Its what helped me and I understand it may not b for everyone but I haven't heard that it hasn't helped someone who is just feeling a little lost at times. One thing I have also learned and that my illness has taught me is that the more time u spend alone its a good way to find yourself again i call it soul searching never c it as being a loner bc ur not xx I'm sadend to hear that u tried to connect with an old friend and haven't heard back from them. Don't worry some people are just like that. Never question ur intentions with others actions i just say to myself they are not worthy of my friendship if they are going to have that level of curtosy towards me and move on in life ive learned to keep my friendship circle fairly small yes it can be lonely sometimes but I try my best to distract myself
    1 person found this helpful
  16. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    25 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings

    Hello FairyWings

    I'm writing this at 3.34 on Monday morning. I woke up not long ago and decided to check Facebook. Upon doing so I discovered this female I have liked for a long time is now seeing someone, in a relationship with the feller she was taking pictures with. How could I be so wrong about her? She's been a mother for almost 2 years now so I thought when I met her in person which was more than 2 weeks ago she would be kind and considerate on account of having to grow up but her actions these last couple of weeks have shown me she is still just a silly little girl kind of like how females are in high school but with a son...she hasn't grown up at all. In addition to having me over at her house she was actually sexually intimate with her son's adopted Poppy/Grandfather. They liked each other and apparently during when they were doing that he said he would leave his partner for her...but ended up changing his mind and now he and his partner and their whole family have broken off contact with her all of them blaming her for them two hooking up. I don't know much about this new bloke of hers..what he is like etc but I feel sorry for him. And I know all this information is supposed to make me feel better that I didn't end up with such a messed up woman but I don't feel better at all. I feel terrible like I can't cope any more with all of life's difficulties bearing down on me and having to deal with all of that alone

    TMC

  17. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    25 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Hey there, Sometimes we don't find out who people really are until like urself stumble upon something that you weren't expecting. I know you love her and i know it hurts to c her with someone else but for ur sanity it would be wise to pull back a bit i can see discovering new things about this girl is quite upsetting u don't deserve to put urself thru that. Ahhhhhhhh facebook I am with u on that one i wish it didn't allow us to c what we don't want to c but it does. It sounds like she is going thru some stuff too herself and trying to find her feet. In the meantime is a time when she will explore options that are going to work for her and that's ok she is trying to work it all out in her head too. And for u not a good idea to take her actions behavior on board given that it is only going to upset u. When u love someone and u c them in a way u don't want to it's time to distance urself and let nature take its course. Ur not having to deal with this alone u have all of us here to help you get thru i know we r not there in person that we r virtual but its something you can also ring the bb hotline that is available to u 24hrs when u feel ur not coping with things also i would start keeping a journal let all these feelings thoughts emotions out on paper its better than keeping them in your head and in ur heart its a great tool to us when u want to just let it all out. Xx
  18. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    25 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    This whole situation doesn't apply anymore. I asked her what was going on and one thing lead to another and she has broken off contact with me. Probably what she wanted all along. Just not good enough I guess
  19. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    25 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Never the admirable approach but at least u have closure now. U need to focus on u now and go chase ur dreams and get what u deserve in life xx
  20. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    31 July 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    How messed up must my head be :/ that even after realising she was using me there is a part of me that misses her. Not that I like being used but the fact of the matter is she was the only one I was being able to spend time with. I have extremely limited contact with anyone outside of family members who I don't feel close to. There's her who comes along and despite knowing she just used me I miss the time I spent with her.
  21. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    31 July 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    No ur not messed up at all its called love and it can hurt xx u can't help who u love i guess I am sorry to hear you don't have many people around xx
  22. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    2 August 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    Why do I even love or have strong feelings for someone I only saw on two occassions and was never more than someone to come to her rescue when she needed it. She only spent time with me to make herself feel better not that she actually wanted to spend time with me. I sleep in bed some nights and just wish I had her next to me as screwed up as that sounds...because while I was content in her company during those two nights she was probably wishing it was someone else instead of me next to her
  23. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    2 August 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Bc u can't help who u love xx and love hurts xx u guys may be soulmates if u feel that strongly about her its just not her time in her life to realize that on her end meantime it would do u more harm to sit and wait xx and im sorry u r still struggling with these feelings but u need to let her go for now if feelings r not being recipricated for ur own sanity xx
  24. themadchatter
    themadchatter avatar
    50 posts
    2 August 2016 in reply to Fairywings
    I don't believe she and I are soul mates. She clearly doesn't see me as anything more than a chump. I'm just a stupid guy who cares to much about her :(
  25. Fairywings
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Fairywings  avatar
    652 posts
    2 August 2016 in reply to themadchatter
    Not a stupid guy a loving natured guy who yes does care alot and if u open up ur heart to it any girl would be lucky to have a guy like u ur a rare find ☺ the universe will help u find her believe me xx
    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up