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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / the love of my life is gone

Topic: the love of my life is gone

12 posts, 0 answered
  1. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    26 June 2014

    I recently broke up with my bf of 2 years due to his bipolar depression. Its heavy in my heart because there is so much love, respect and intimacy in our relationship. He was a kind man with a golden heart. However due to his depression he wasn't able to cope with the relationship challenges that every couple goes through on a day to day basis. Im gutted that he has given up. However i know he didn't intend of any of this to happen. My ex-partner had issues in expressing his anger, communicating and confronting. I was the total opposite of this. I believe that opposites do attract and no excuses of not being together. Sadly i have tried to communicate with him in a calm and understanding approach every time a disagreement happens but he would shut down completely and would result to breaking up. In the past 2 years he had challenged me into breaking up but i knew he wasn't thinking properly and after a few days he would realise he didn't mean too. Because i loved him and understood the illness i gave him chances. After all this we seeked help and see a psychologist, he did go for a few session but just gave up. because it wasnt working for him. I tried to convince him it takes time to find the right therapist. He inherited the depression from his dad's side and as i know all of the family member suffers from depression.

    Our trip overseas was cancelled and it saddens me that we no longer live together. The break up was mutual and we both understand why we can't be together. I'm devastated that the love of my life is not with me, I know i tried very hard with communicating and seeking help for him but at the end of the day i realised i couldn't fix him. I miss him very much and wish he didn't have depression. I'm so lonely and not sure how i can get over this. I know i have done the right thing. But this sadness in me would hopefully fade away. Its only been a month, i know in time i would be ok. Its very hard  as i am missing him very much and the love remains. He need to help himself in order to fix himself. Im not sure if he will do as he gotten used to growing up and just ignoring the pain.

    I would like to hear your story if you have experience what happen to me. It would give me hope to help me go through this unpleasantness.

  2. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9167 posts
    27 June 2014 in reply to pirana69

    Hi Pirana,

    What I suggest is a direction. Separation takes a lot of time to get over. The grief is so hard to jump. Do some serious thinking. Hobbies, sports, interests, groups, property etc.

    I only started to overcome the grief of separating from my wife when I bought a block of land. It took me 3 months to clear it by hand then 10 months to build my own home. It really helped.

    Finally....you would feel like he was the only one you would ever feel such love for.  I dont believe that.  We humans are capable of falling in love with others. And you just might find a more suitable partner.  Be positive. You've done your best.

  3. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    27 June 2014 in reply to pirana69

    Hey mate, yeah it really hurts right now and given that you loved him very much it's going to hurt for a while yet. Virtual hugs, man. It's a cliche but it really does fade away in time, and we are capable of loving more than one person in a lifetime, but it's impossible to see that when we're in the thick of it. I have felt just like you, so I do know the space your head is in right now.

    Like white knight said, you really did do everything you could, and you'll make a great man for someone in the future. A lot of guys wouldn't have had the balls to stick it out through the tough times like you did, so you should be proud of yourself as a person.

  4. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to white knight

    thank you White Night. I know i have done the right thing. And yes we are capable of loving again. I just need time to heal atm. Reading your posts makes it a little better. I know in time i will be ok and will find the right one for me. Cheers.

  5. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to justinok

    Thanks Justinok. Its hard right now because its still fresh but yes the wound will heal in the right time. I feel your vitual hugs:). Im lucky that I have good friends around me which gives me support at this hard times. Deep inside i have accepted what has happened is for the best, But time will help me recover and be happy again. I know there is someone out there for me. Cheers

  6. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15084 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to pirana69

    dear Pirana, thank you for being able to post your comment, as sometimes it's so hard to decide whether to or not to, but you have to heal after this relationship.

    The love from you can be so strong, which you have shown, but it can not be enough if the other person is suffering from depression, and unfortunately it's in his family, which then makes it so much harder for someone like you.

    Your boyfriend does need help and without any of this then he won't be able to control his bipolar, and even pleading with him or even forcing him still won't work unless he wants to do it for himself.

    You seem to be such a happy gregarious type person in that there be will love for you just around the corner, and I'm sure you won't have any trouble to find someone else who truly loves you. L Geoff. x

  7. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to geoff

    Thanks Geoff. It does help getting feedback from outside my circle of friends.  Yes i have accepted that i couldn't fix my him, certainly he has to try. Sadly im not sure if he ever will. I guess its not for me to worry anymore. It breaks my heart though. I know it will take a while to be whole again but hey Im on the right track. When the time is right i shall be with someone who is right for me. For now im embracing the loneliness and being alone. It will be good to reflect on being a much better person.

  8. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15084 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to pirana69

    dear Pirana, thanks for replying.

    I think from what you have said is being a very sensible attitude, it's never nice for this to happen, but life is a long learning curve, and everyday we learn something different, and please believe me that instances like this only make you a much stronger person. L Geoff. x

  9. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    28 June 2014 in reply to geoff

    thanks mate. i will get here eventually.

  10. Heavy Hearted
    Heavy Hearted avatar
    3 posts
    4 August 2014 in reply to pirana69

    Sad story I too know the heart ache of a failed relationship

    perhaps research in to the Kubler Ross five stages of grief would give you some insight in to your situation

     

    Bargaining

    Agression

    Depression

    Denial

    Acceptance

    Research this on the web and it may be of some help

  11. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    31 August 2014 in reply to Heavy Hearted

    thank you.. counselling helped me a lot with dealing. 

  12. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    2 September 2014 in reply to pirana69

    Hey pirana, glad to see you came back. Awesome that the counselling has helped. What else have you been doing to keep yourself on track, hanging out with mates? Doing things you enjoy?

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