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Forums / Staying well / "Grow a thick skin"

Topic: "Grow a thick skin"

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    12 July 2019

    Grow a thick skin, take it as- water off a ducks back, don't worry about it, get over it... are all comments we have endured. Why do people say these things and are the justified?

    As humans we perceive everything from our own perspective, our own eyes and other senses. That means we can never se things 100% from anothers viewpoint- ever! Some can possess empathy of a wide range that enables them to get some idea what the other is feeling but not all people have that ability, they are in fact, cold in comparison.

    As part of expression the ones that cannot project themselves to know what it is like to hold a mental illness they cannot understand a/ why we behave the way we do b/ why we cannot change it straight away. That might well be naïve with high expectation (from our viewpoint) but to them they are merely giving expression. What they don't realise is that our inability to act like them is ingrown, part of our illness or personality which, makes their demands quite unfair.

    In another thread I wrote (topic: so what are their mental illnesses) I pointed out that some seemingly "normal" people can have issues like- bullying, gambling, drug addiction, cruelty tendencies, manipulation, gaslighting and so on but they survive ok in society under the umbrella of "normality" when in actual fact their issues are quite serious yet they aren't approached to overcome their flaws. Why are we?

    It comes down to a few things, one is we often put ourselves out there as someone that is more obviously flaws (after all we have a label eg bipolar, depressed, anxious) so that is misinterpreted as an opportunity to give advice (rather than support).

    What is most important here is that your mental illness is a part of you. When people give unwanted advice like "grow a thick skin" they are indeed expecting you have that ability when it is highly unlikely you don't and by the way- you have a right to be yourself.

    I've developed a defence with this.

    "You need to grow a thicker skin" My reply "like you need to stop smoking"? (or stop playing psychiatrist, or stop being judgmental etc) . That might seem over reactive but I've learned, if you keep taking these comment without recourse- you pay a price- the comments keep coming.

    This is also mentioned in the thread (topic: wit, the only answer to torment). Feel free to put those threads in the search bar.

    Mental well being includes a broad range of remedies we can apply to our daily lives.

    Feel free to comment.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Soberlicious96
    Champion Alumni
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    Soberlicious96 avatar
    519 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to white knight

    Oh white knight, you write so well on here!

    One the things I loathe most in society is when people say to me 'You need to get over it" and "It's in the past, why can't you just let it go?" ...... I can't 'let it go' to so speak because it (my trauma) is a part of who I am now.

    I usually kind of 'freeze up' a bit and don't know what to say when people say those things. What I'd like to be able to do/say is a bit like what you said/suggested; kind of say something back to them that puts the focus away from the whole 'getting over it' crap.

    I think I am learning to chose more wisely when it comes to whom I talk to and what I talk about.

    Anyway, thanks. Always like reading your posts. xo

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    12 July 2019 in reply to Soberlicious96

    Thankyou S,

    You will like

    Beyondblue Topic wit, the only answer to torment.

    Cheers

    TonyWK

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