I live alone and my partner lives in Sydney. We have missed a number of opportunities last year to see each other - I finally saw him after 8.5 months in early December, then their outbreak meant he had to cancel his flight to Melb on Xmas Day. Now he's due to fly here on Thursday but I have no confidence that things will go back to normal on Thursday - especially when, in July, '6 weeks' turned into four months.
I'm grieving and angry. Seeing borders 'slam shut' (as the media loves to say) when we can't travel 5 km anyway makes me feel more upset and constrained. And having a national employer and my colleagues - including my manager - living interstate is so hard because I have to ensure hearing about their eventful weekends etc. I just can't bring myself to be happy for them at the moment.
But what is hurting me is the fact that my partner, being from Sydney and having only gone through one (comparatively less strict) lockdown, try as he might, just won't fully understand the trauma I feel. For instance, yesterday after radio silence for the whole morning, sent me a text saying he popped by his parents' place - knowing how close I am to mine and that i cannot see anyone - and sent a photo of his haircut from the morning - when he knew I had been looking forward to a hairdresser appointment yesterday that had to be cancelled. I don't think he meant to rub it in my face but it showed me how there is a lack of appreciation of the significance of this lockdown for me, when I am still recovering from my feeling of last year. I just feel so resentful towards him.
I know we can exercise two hours a day but I can't bear to put on a mask just to get the pleasure of leaving my driveway. I was happy to wear masks indoors but I have always struggled deeply with the idea of enjoying a walk in nature with a mask when alone. All I can focus on is is my obstructed vision - glasses fog up and also cannot see downwards - the smell of the material and not being able to breathe through my nose.
I feel so helpless that, despite all doing our best, it's still not enough because there is an ever present risk of hotel quarantine leaks. I understand regional Vic wanting the 'ring of steel' but I'd also argue that they have the fortune of not having return travellers in their vicinity - we've had no choice.