Hi Irene

You have made a very helpful point re 'self awareness' and thanks Irene! I remember self awareness when I was having weekly therapy in the 1990's. Just for me I chose to adopt Dr Claire Weekes therapy about 'accepting our anxiety/depressive illness' Acceptance diminishes the fear and thus provides us with a better level of peace than what we had when suffering from a mental health problem.

Just for your info Irene.....I had the moderators change the title of this thread from "Do You Love Yourself" to "Do You Like Yourself" recently to help people know that they can 'like' or be 'gentle' with themselves :-)

Good on you for starting a course to be a mental health therapist. That is a huge positive step!

I wrote this thread topic in 2016 and its helped many people by providing hope along the rocky road to having some peace in their lives Irene. You are always welcome to have a look around the forums and see that the bulk of the members speak from their own invaluable life experience.

You mentioned " I think that most of us would agree that: "Accept Yourself for who you are" is a much better term or phrase for Therapists to use than: "Love Yourself." Your posts are always more than welcome Irene yet I think you are drawing a very long bow with assuming what most people would agree with

Have a look at the thread title Irene and post back when its convenient for you :-)

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Hey Skary Bill

You described yourself as "a fun person who was loyal, passionate and highly motivated". but I think you did it as the past tense...Can I ask what happened to him? Did he disappear altogether?

Who have you become now, this person you don't respect, nor what he stands for? You have aroused my curiosity, but at first glance, you seem to me a worthwhile guy to know...are you sure you're not being too hard on yourself? Have a peaceful evening......glad we met.

Hiya Moonstruck, I'm happy to share, but please don't think I'm having a whinge.

Old Bill had 101 hobbies at any given moment, and craved adventure, like mountaineering, white water rafting etc.. Making and playing music. Motorsports.. He threw a Xmas party every year for people who didn't live near family.

Short version of the long story is he got run over in traffic by a 4x4 and spent a few years learning to walk again. Lost his job, savings, career, hobbies, friends and ended up basically homeless in the bush on a bit of land he bought to go camping on with all his remaining belongings in a couple of rusty shipping containers. A setback, sure.. But not the end of the world.

The reason old Bill won't be back is that I physically can't return to almost anything I once did for fun. There will be no waterskiing, bmx riding or mountain climbing. No DJing or fire dancing. And fair enough, some might say I was going to have to grow up one day anyway. But today, I am a morbidly obese, partially crippled guy with no friends or money to do anything. Years of no phone signal in the bush badly isolated me. And as my anxiety and agoraphobia took hold I even secluded myself from family.

Where I'm at now is that after a 7 year battle with the other drivers insurance, I was finally paid out. I repaid all debts, including centrelink and medicare. Bought a 'reliable' car and spent the rest on workshop equip. I've been trying to tickle a little engineering/fabrication business to life out of a shed in my Mum's back yard. And she's planning to sell up and move away. So I'm packing for destination unknown. Most likely back to the bush. The stress of which is why I joined the forum a few days ago.

I feel like I'm trapped in the body of a guy who can't get anything done. Has let himself go badly. Gets stuck on every decision and moves frustratingly slowly. I know I still have some value to offer society and there is no challenge before me that I can't conquer. But I am genuinely worried that I lack the strength to do it alone. And so far my efforts to find people to share the journey with have failed. I've come to hate this guy who is in my way of just being happy and useful. I'm so tired of not achieving anything. And as I type this, I realise I'm extremely lonely and afraid.

Anyway, I'm out of space which is probably a good thing lol. Hope you're not too sorry you asked.

Bill.

Hi Scary Bill,

That's a crap thing (to say the least ) that happened to you. Thanks so much for sharing. I don't blame you for being scared...... not a "whinge" at all. ... the total opposite. Happy to chat to you anytime Bill. You have friends here.

Lee

Hi Bill and all 🖐

Matey what a terrible time you've had of it and with the extreme hardships you've endured I see a spark in you that's pure survival at it's best, you haven't given up...in your strong words which from reading your story you have an abundance of strength " there's no challenge before you that you can't conquer". Hold on to that Bill that's the grit that'll get you through.

You have every reason to feel frustrated lonely and afraid but from you bravely opening up here you're not alone anymore.

Very best wishes for you and keep at wanting to succeed cause that want it's the key to success.

Depression and pain are very good at convincing us that we can't achieve but the truth is we can and you're still here and wanting to rise above

I believe you'll achieve 💪🕊🌿

hello everyone

Bill, I suppose it is hard to come to terms with this new Bill who is so different from the old Bill in some ways and thought of liking him must seem nearly impossible at terms,

I seem some who has overcome many obstacles an even though his abilities have changed he has come through determined ,dependable and able to cope with changes and is very honest.

Thses qualities are very desirable . New Bill has a lot to offer and I am sure you and others will begin to see the same qualities I do.

Quirky .

Hi Paul and everyone ☺

I've recently become more aware of something that I knew but didn't really click as such to.

Depression closes in on us in a negative smothering painful way shutting out light and puts a darkness on our emotions. I'm assuming this is the same for others.

I'm fairly certain apart from a few other contributing MH (mental health) issues I've had BP (Bipolar) from birth. The depression goes incredibly deep.

One of the effects I believe including people being people often is depression also hits self esteem hard but I'm aware different folks different strokes upbringing etc. My self esteem gradually hit rock bottom starting at around 9yrs or earlier

Throughout life thanks to loving good parents and whatever, maybe wanting to like myself and being around some good people too (friends) amidst toxic ones at vulnerable ages, I've over the yrs managed to see good in myself as well as negatives. I might have been a little too enthusiastic previously here saying I'm at about 70% liking myself, maybe 60-65% but my point I'm slowly getting to is depression turns that completely around and self dislike/loathing becomes all consuming with only glimmers of light and self like if any

A valued lovely member here Sapphire relayed what a very wise psych told her once to which I imagine many here as I too are very grateful that she said...

"Do the opposite to what depression wants you too". GOLD!

So if depressions saying we're no good and worthless...I've yet to master this but I guess challenging these thoughts and asking ourselves constructively ... is this true?... if not then if we can counteract the thought and think of reasons why it's not. It could go a long way towards us liking ourselves.

With every negative if we can balance it with a positive there's less room for pain making way for light and belief in ourselves.

It becomes habit to think a certain way.

To break a habit by starting a new one we can start believing in ourselves. Repetitions a great teacher although not great in a negative way.

🕊

Hi All,

Yes, the festive season can get to be a lot of pressure and headaches and spending way too much money when we allow things to spin out of control. Sometimes I think we tend to forget the real reason for the season. This year we did a get-together with family and friends and had a singalong. Everybody contributed equally and what a joyous occasion it was!

How about downgrading 'love yourself' to 'accept' or 'like' since love is more two way? If you can feel depressed or anxious and write the way you do then I think you are deep and sensitive. Be reassured you are normal as mental health problems are a natural part of human existence and getting through these struggles, no matter how unwelcome, are an opportunity for personal growth. See anxiety as you being careful rather than impulsive.

I don't like myself much at the moment either as I am overweight, have been forced on medication and have been looking for work for a long period of time. Also, it is difficult to love yourself when psychiatrists and family are criticizing you and being harsh and unkind and I'm not sure that assertiveness helps here. Hopefully, with patience it will pass.

hello everyone,

miss T welcome to this thread.

I think we feel unworthy unlikeable and that we will be likeable and worthy when we do things, like lose weight, excel in out studies , get a new job, become well, etc etc. We feel we are not good enough until .... when we are good enough the way we are.

It can be hard to accept this but I have spent most of my life feeling like I was an underachiever as I was told this by teachers and doctors but I am ok. You are ok.

I may not be the slimmest, the smartest, the richest, the most musical , the most artistic, the neatest but I am me, I am alive and I care and help,others. I am learning to like that and ignore all insults.

Quirky

I think this question, “do you like yourself?” can be rather easy and difficult to answer.

If you are HAPPY you are more likely to like yourself. On the other hand, If you are UNHAPPY, you don’t usually like yourself. This is the most simplistic answer. I know it sounds silly.......but this is what I feel.

So whether you are happy or not it depends upon your circumstances:

I like myself when i do something nice / correct or when I achieve something or when someone praises.

i don’t like myself if I fail or if i fall short of my expectations. Likewise when i regret something which I have done or I discover I don’t do things right, I won’t like myself. And I wish I could undo it. In that case I really hate myself.

I think we as human beings have ups and downs at times. this is our emotions / feeling and that’s why it makes us unique. So there are different answers depending on what situations you are asking....

Sorry. I haven’t finished writing and it just posted ...

i want to say this (happiness and liking yourself) is a bit like chicken and egg which comes first.

1. you feel happy because you like yourself or
2. you like yourself and therefore you feel happy.

Hello all

I really liked when Quirky said, "I care and help others", and that this is helpful to liking one's self.

I have never liked anyone else because they are slim, attractive, rich, recently promoted or an award winner. Have you?

These things really don't matter, fortunes can be lost, looks fade, etc. I like people with a generous spirit who help others.

I want to suggest that this thinking is common and widespread. For example, I don't think it's a coincidence that our big banks are the most loathed organisations in the nation right now. It doesn't matter that they are profitable and internationally successful because we all know that they don't treat people well.

I think we can improve our ability to like ourselves by simply doing more to help others. And, at the same time, giving more weight to kindness as a reason to like one's self.

Hello all,

Sueettties, I found your posts very thoughtful. I think there is a connection between being happy and liking yourself but I also think it is possible to like yourself and not feel happy.

Also maybe it is possible to not like yourself also be happy. Just a thought.

Summer Rose,

Thanks for your very helpful post that has made me think.

I think we judge ourselves harsher than we judge others. While we may not like people because they are slim etc we may put these values on ourselves and feel we are less worthy because we are overweight.

Also many people In our society do value and like people because they are slim, pretty successful etc. You only have to look at social media and the images portrayed there.

You make a very interesting point and I agree with your values but alas there are many people who don’t . I think the banks are seen as institutions and not as a collection of humans, and they are seen as greedy. An individual who is successful and has made lots of money is often praised and admired.

I think within this forum there is much kindness and caring and nonjudgmental people but in the wider community this is not always the case. There are so many threads where people feel not valued as they are out of work, overweight, or not in a relationship, having money problems etc

This discussion seems to get more interesting with age!!

Thanks Paul for all work in making everyone feel, valued and welcome.

Quirky

Or Neither?

Last just past I was the happy. Why? Because when I got up I was able to read the paper uninterrupted. While the kids might have wanted brekky, they had to wait. So, being able to relax first thing in the morning, I was able to make myself feel better about myself for the rest of the day. There was a sour note during the day, but that did not last long.

Now, go back to an earlier story about the present. In summary, a gift to your partner and it was not quite right, leading to negative thoughts in the mind of the "giver". On a sub-conscience level you are reminded of every failure in your life. It may start with something more closed related to the current issue, but then grows to include other things. This instance then gets added to the negative pile. The funny thing is, there is no positive pile. While it might be implied that every non-negative thing you gave was a positive, but I cannot remember those. But can remember with clarity the failures!

For me, rather than ...

(A) going from feeling OK, going to failure,

need to be able to ...

(B) go from from feeling OK to "that did not quite work out as hoped"

and in these instances, if I can get to state B, my chances of liking myself increase, as the result of A is not liking myself.

It can be everyday little things that make us feel worse about ourselves which keep us trapped in this cycle of not liking ourselves. But the key to breaking this cycle takes time and persistence, knowing there will be other "failures" between now and then (in the future).

Tim

Smallwolf,

I really like your last post ans it makes a lot of sense tome. I am not sure I can follow the suggestions in it as time and persistence are not always my friends.

You wrote

"It can be everyday little things that make us feel worse about ourselves which keep us trapped in this cycle of not liking ourselves. But the key to breaking this cycle takes time and persistence, knowing there will be other "failures" between now and then (in the future)."

I think one can know that little things may make us feel upset ourselves but we still tend to react instinctively and not to think things through, or I know I do.

Quirky

Hello Everyone and thankyou for taking the time to help out too :-)

Hello Bill....I cant even begin to understand what you have been though....

Can I ask if you have even a small support network that you can rely on? (one or two?)

Thank-you for being a part of the Beyond Blue Forum Family Bill....Im sorry Bill for your pain..

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

Hi MissT

Thank-you for helping out with your great post. Your input is as valued as anyone elses on the forums :-)

Just a note if thats okay....I wrote this thread topic back in 2016 and have had the title changed from 'Love' to 'Like' just a few weeks ago so thankyou heaps for helping out with the change you have mentioned

You are spot on when you mentioned 'forced medication' and psychiatrists as that would make it very very hard to like yourself going through such a rough period

my kind thoughts

Paul

Quirky,

Didn't say I had mastered that part of it. That part is very much a work in progress. I still drift to (A) when things go wrong.

Tim

Hey Tim (smallwolf)

Thank-you for helping out with your life experience and for the great post too (Jan 7)

Smallwolf mentioned "the key to breaking this cycle takes time and persistence, knowing there will be other "failures" between now and then"

Nice1 Tim and greatly appreciated

my kindest

Paul

Hi Sueetties

Thank-you for helping out and posting with us!

There is no real answer to this this thread topic....I wish there was. I was in a dark place when I joined the forums and was feeling awful after being made redundant. I actually sat in the Beyond Blue Cafe and had a look around the various thread topics just to see what everyone else was going through prior to posting anything

If you (or myself) didnt like ourselves...even a tiny bit.....we wouldnt have joined Beyond Blue. I do understand you and your post though and yes it can be hard work to 'like' ourselves when we are doing it hard..for sure

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family Sueetties :-)

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Quirky

I'm so glad I got you thinking and that you took the time to respond to me. You also got me thinking about something that happened yesterday so I hope you'll indulge me and allow me to share a story ...

I am in Canada caring for my mother who is terminally ill. My two adult children arrive this weekend. My mum lives in a tiny apartment without enough beds for us all. Because we all want to be together, I decided to purchase an extra mattress that we could just place on the floor of a bedroom.

The salesman offered me a mattress, saying it was the least expensive in the store, and then tried to sell me a frame. I explained why I didn't need a frame or headboard. His expression became thoughtful and he then reduced the price by 75% and carried it to my car for me to save me the delivery fee.

By being kind and helping me this salesman gave himself a gift--a reason to like himself. Regardless of his other issues, concerns and worries

Hi Summer Rose

My heartfelt best for your mother (and family of course) in this difficult time..I hope your mother is as comfortable as possible and looking forward to her grandchildren arriving this weekend.

The guy that sold you the bed is a 'Gentleman' Summer Rose....not to mention his huge kind heart

I lived in NF Ontario for 10 years

We are here for you Summer Rose....How long has it been since you have seen your mum...if I may ask...?

I hope you are doing reasonably okay

Paul

Hello Demonblaster, such a lovely comment and all the other posts have been so exhilarating, but I like 'negative smothering painful way shutting out light and puts a darkness on our emotions.

There are too many other specific points made by those on this thread that I want to highlight, I really want to, but my reply would be out of characters.

It's a great thread Paul, and thanks.

Geoff.

Hi Paul and everyone

Dear Summer Rose I just want to offer heartfelt support to you your Mum and your family 💗

These are incredibly hard times to go through. I'm so glad your children will be with you for support for eachother as is your bb family here are with you too 🌹

I've read a few of your posts Summer and always felt lifted reading what you say and hearing your genuine kindness.

My heart truly goes out to you all, never an easy road to travel.

It's beautiful you're with and caring for your Mum.

That man as Paul so beautifully said was a gentleman and showed a kind act of compassion. It's warming to hear of that darl

We're walking with you 🤝

⚘

Hello Summer Rose, our sincere thoughts are with you and so very sorry to hear this terrible news.

Sometimes it’s not unusual to feel like you don’t know what to do, what to say and how to cope, but she may want to share how she is feeling, the good times and less so, the bad times, try and take her mind away from these thoughts.

Tell her what she means to you, and how you might remember her, she needs to feel important and the presence of you and your two children means that you love her.

Summer Rose please realise just how blessed you are to look after your dear mum and share as many close and lovely thoughts that you will always remember her with.

Our thoughts are always with you.

Geoff. x

Summer Rose

Thanks so much for sharing that story and letting us know what is happening in your life.

My thoughts are with you at this difficult yet very intensely personal , emotional and special time .

I had not thought that when you are kind to others you are giving yourself a gift and a reason to like yourself. Thank you for sharing that story.

Sending kind thoughts

Quirky

Hi Everyone,

There are parts of me that I don't like very much at all, including memories of the past.

I can not change the past, I can't even change what happened a minute ago, so the only way to move is forward or to stay stuck thinking of all the negatives and unhelpful events of my life.

A bit like the gentleman who helped Summer Rose, I can stop concentrating on just myself and be more concerned about the needs of others.

I have heard it said that accepting help and gifts from others allows the giver to feel like they have meaning and purpose and have been able to assist someone in some way.

Maybe we have very little to give away to any one. Why not try a smile, give one away to a complete stranger you might encounter this week.

Building up moments where we feel good helps us to like ourselves more.

Summer Rose I too hope the time with your Mum is special.

Cheers from Dools

Hi Dools, Demon Blaster, Paul and others

Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes. I've seen better days but I am okay. Knowing you guys have my back is a great comfort.

I didn't mean to hyjack the thread with my issues, but I thought the story would resonate with some and help to demonstrate the point I was trying to make.

By helping others, we can really help ourselves. And Dools is spot on. We can all smile at others or hold a door open or write a helpful post. We can all give ourselves a reason to like ourselves, even if it's just a little bit, and help make the world a better place.

Take care everyone x

Hi Summer Rose,

You haven't hijacked the thread at all, you have shared and provided us all with an opportunity to show our support to you, even if it is only through words and thoughts.

Wishing you well with all you are doing for your Mum and no doubt your children as well.

Cheers from Dools