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Forums / Treatments, health professionals and therapies / Confused and anxious in my relationship of 5 years :(

Topic: Confused and anxious in my relationship of 5 years :(

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_826
    Guest_826 avatar
    1 posts
    18 August 2018

    I am really struggling. I need help, I know I love my boyfriend so much but as heaps of people posting on here I always ask myself questions “do you love him?” “You would be better off on your own”. From questioning myself, I am now starting to think that I don’t love him and I am SO anxious because I know I want him in my life and I want children with him, and I feel as if I would be so lost without him. Every time I see him, I feel so anxious and feel like I can’t act normal and this is so upsetting. I question if I’m attracted to him, and my anxiety tells me thag im not not and all this shit and it really upsets me. We haven’t had sex for so long because I just feel anxious with him! I want this feeling to go away, I care about him so much and couldn’t stand him being with anyone else if we broke up. He is the most amazing guy in my life and I’m struggling so much. I want these anxious and constant OCD thoughts to go away, they are making me depressed! I’m so worried for us, I don’t want to be with anyone else!

    please help, any advice would be appreciated, any psychologists please answer. I feel like my anxious thoughts are sabotaging my relationship, I just want to feel normal with him again. Thankyou

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    7035 posts
    18 August 2018 in reply to Guest_826

    Hello Confused,

    Welcome to the forums..

    Im so really sorry that your confused and anxious.

    We are not Drs or psychologists here just people like yourself trying to heal, find answers and help others along on their journey to wellness..

    You said....."I know I want him in my life and I want children with him, and I feel as if I would be so lost without him"...also you said..." I care about him so much and couldn't stand him being with anyone else...He is the most amazing guy in my life"..... I feel These words are coming from someone who loves this person she is talking about....

    Maybe confused try some deep breathing excercises to calm your anxiety....breathe in..1-2-3-4-5-...out..1-2-3-4-5..or some form of distraction...

    You sound to me that you love him very much..(only my thoughts)...

    Grandy...

    1 person found this helpful
  3. FJDad
    FJDad avatar
    4 posts
    18 August 2018 in reply to Guest_826

    Hi Miss C and A, Can I start by patting you on the back for trying everything you can to save your relationship. That seems to be a rare quality these days. I also was in a relationship with the same types of feelings, without my wife my life was over. I genuinely feel for you and what you're going through. Unfortunately no one can tell you the answers your looking for as there is no quick fix.

    I notice you seem more confused as to how you'll handle him being with some one else then the love you have. I do believe you love him yes but how much "brother/sister or "Lovers". You need to find that answer first on foremost. If it lovers fight hard to save it but if it's not please look at moving forward it is not fair on you to spend time trying to build what you can't and this will likely leed to long term depression for you and that isn't good for you or your children. It would also be unfair on him, if he is the great guy you say he deserves to be with some ( as you both do) that the lust and love are reciprocated. You'll get past the gelousy we all do that just takes time.

    Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but I hope this helps.

  4. diamonds21
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    diamonds21 avatar
    1 posts
    12 September 2018

    Have you considered seeing a couple's therapist to talk about how both of you can work through this together? Remember that you're a team, and that you are NOT your anxiety. The anxiety is just a heavy bag that's just currently too heavy, but with some team work I know you can both do it together. I highly recommend Relationships Australia.

    If and when you feel confused, ask yourself this: Why [insert his name here]? What was it about him from the start that caught your eye?

    A handy podcast that I listen to is "I Do" podcast, and it's a relationship podcast where they interview therapists and counselors who give a lot of advice. https://idopodcast.com/

    Hope that helps!

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