Hi Mr Hopcraft. I note that you have already opened a thread in the Welcome and Orientation section of the Forums a couple of days ago. You have received responses there already which you appear not to have read yet.

I am wondering if you are having trouble finding that thread again? When you are logged into the BB Forums you should see 3 tabs near the top of your screen. They read (from left to right) All Posts, New Posts, My Threads. Select the My Threads tab and it will take you to a list of thread you have previously posted to. So it should currently include this thread plus your Intro thread called:

Forums / Welcome and orientation / McKenzie

I would encourage you to find your way back to this thread to check the responses you've already received there, and to post a reply. You can post there as many times as you like.

As Sophie has pointed out, this thread is for very specific questions, put to our 'resident' GP and counsellor.

I hope to see you back at your original thread. If you need further instructions on how best to use this site, I would be happy to provide them to you there.

Taurus

Im 17 I turn 18 in two months from this date, I know somethings wrong with me my parents tried to have me tested when I was younger but I got scared I feel like I should but I don't want to get my parents involved what should I do? whatever is wrong with me is effecting everything even school what do I do?

cursegirl said:Im 17 I turn 18 in two months from this date, I know somethings wrong with me my parents tried to have me tested when I was younger but I got scared I feel like I should but I don't want to get my parents involved what should I do? whatever is wrong with me is effecting everything even school what do I do?

Hi Cursegirl,

Thank you with trusting me with this most important question.
 
I think you need to check out what is happening . You need to talk to someone who is trained, to check with them if your hunch is correct , and if so , what to do to help you feel better.

So I would start by writing down the things that you have noticed . 
 
Maybe divide it into headings like 
1. Things that worry me about the way i feel
2. Things that worry me about the way i think 
3. Things that make me feel that I’m not behaving in a way that I think I should be .
4.Things that make me not perform as well as I think I should at school
5. Things about me that are affecting my friendships or relationships
 
Also think about what your family members might say … would they be similarly concerned ?If so , what do you think they have noticed about you that makes them worry?
 
Make an appointment at your nearest Headspace centre to discuss this list with a psychologist there as they are used to dealing with young people in that setting. 

If you are nowhere near a Headspace centre , maybe try your GP if you have one or try your school counsellor or else you can call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 to discuss options or look at this directory for ideas on therapists in your area to go and work this out with 
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional
 
You don’t have to involve your parents if you don’t want to and they will not insist on it . However , at some point it would be a good idea for you to explore why you feel so strongly about keeping them in the dark about your feelings.

I don’t know your situation but in general I do try to get parents on board if there is any chance that they can be helpful on a young persons recovery.

thank you I will give it a try

Hi, im a 15 year old teen who has anxiety and aspergers and im going through a really hard time at the moment. I am arguing with my parents a lot and the other night when something didnt go my way i was upset and said hurtful things and grabbed her. Im really prone to outbursts but have been getting better at controlling them. But im really upset because im making no friends and feel like i cant relate to them because i have different interests where as im not into stuff like them and i just cant fit in and make friends. My dad thinks its because i look down upon people sometimes because i whinge about them taking drugs and wrestling. I find it hard to understand social cues and not many people understand that. I just dont know what to do anymore because i want to have friends and find happiness but when i try i just cant succeed. Im just tired of getting upset all time and want to find happiness

Bronson02 said:Hi, im a 15 year old teen who has anxiety and aspergers and im going through a really hard time at the moment.

I think it must be really tough to feel misunderstood and lonely. However, I am  happy that you making some progress on regulating your outbursts and are wanting to find friends and happiness . I think that is totally reasonable .

However I do think that sometimes being happy comes from not just looking to the outside world to change so it accommodates us , but also we have to look at what we can do to fit into it (even though that outside world is often imperfect and tough!) 

I like that you are only 15 and have already been mindful enough to see that your anxiety and Aspergers are causing problems in your interactions with your family and friends. This is really common with both of these problems.

I highly recommend that you ask your parents to help you find a therapist who has an interest in Aspergers and start working with them to really work out ways to minimise the impact  of your issues on your relationships. You will be able to learn ways to manage your interactions with people so that you fit in better and make friends .

But it is unlikely to come naturally like it does to many others . Don’t beat yourself up about that . Its not your fault . Its the Aspergers that does that. 

The good news is that this condition is well recognised now and finding help is getting less difficult.

You can ask your GP for a recommendation or use the help on this website to find a therapist with an interest in this area 
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional

This website also has a lot of reputable info on it 
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php

Another good organisation is the Reach Foundation . This might be a good safe place for you to learn &  practice your social skills .
http://www.reach.org.au/ 

Hfor the past 2 weeks especially the past few days i have had i think a few panic attacks and feeing of lossing everything.

I am a strong and determined woman at 50 and been loke most hell and back. I am a mother of a young child and i feel like i am spining and have heart pulpatations most days. I talk to my small group of friends but i dont have family to support me i havent since i was between 5 and current. I feel for some reason very insercure and so very worried about the future for us that i shake and feel sick and cry all the time over anything related to my family my child, i was abanded and abused very young untill i was 16 from my father and mother, then for the next part of my life pritty well left to fend formyself again with further abuse along the way. I have attracted the most aggressive narcissistic men. And stay allways away from drugs because they scare me completely, i dont drink or smoke i gave that away when i fell pregnant, i wonted a healthy baby. Sorry i get run away with my story, i hope this sheds sum insight. All i can say to top it off is i am a body of stress right now and i need help.

Hi Dr kim,

I am just wondering if there is support out there for womb trauma whilst you were in the womb?

When my mum was pregnant with me, she lost her mother (5mths pregnant) and then lost her husband, my dad (7mths pregnant).I feel like i went through every emotion with her. That i felt all the stress and grief and loss that my mum suffered. My biggest fear now is losing my partner. And i feel like i am pushing her away because i dont deserve to be loved. The trauma i experienced in the womb and growing up without my dad had had disastrous effects on my life!I suffer from anxiety and depression. I am constantly worried about losing my partner. I have this unexplainable sad feeling deep within me which affects me daily. I am trying so hard to improve but i feel stuck in the negative cycle that im in.

Can you please point me in the right direction for support. Please help!!!!

Just adding to my last post...my mum never remarried so i didnt have a father figure at all. My mum is super amazing!!! She brought us 4 kids up on her own and worked full time. We had to grow up fast and be very independent. When my dad died, mum had 3 kids all under the age of 5yrs old and was 7mths pregnant with me. It was a very difficult road.

I have seen the doctor and have neen diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I haven't actually really spoken to anyone about the womb trauma but i feel deep down that it is the root cause of my difficulties.Abandonment is a massive issue for me. When i become anxious i tend to depend on my partner for support and this has taken its toll on her! She has resentment and anger towards me and cannot deal with my anxiety anymore. She said she is over the anxiety and just doesnt have the strength to deal with it anymore. This leaves me in a very difficult position. How can she just switch off when i need her most??

I also had a heart attack due to chronic stress in 2015 and that is when my anxiety and depression were triggered. After the heart attack i pretty much had a breakdown and so the last 2yrs have been so tough.Every time i feel anxious or depressed i seem to revert back to my childhood immediately and to the loss of my father. It has had a devastating effect in my life. Im at breaking point and dont know where to turn to, especially now that my partner cant deal with it anymore too.

Hi Dr Kim.

I am in early stages of being diagnosed (with what I can't say because there have been many names put on the table) however I am only seeing a psychologist at this time. She is a clinical psych in training and I believe this is probably an advantage as she will be closely monitored by a supervisor who will ultimately be making the calls. She has said to me that next time we visit she will do an assessment. I am under the impression that this will be information gathering for the diagnosis. This will only be my 4th visit with this psych - and even though I think it will end up being referred on to a psychiatrist, is this amount of visits enough to make this kind of judgment?

One of my children was diagnosed Asperger's after just a few visits with psychologist and psychiatrist. He is very obviously on the spectrum though.

I am tired and feel like I cannot be on the road to recovery on incorrect medications and without the proper psychological supports. This being said, I would be so happy if this process would just hurry up. I do understand the importance of things being thorough and informed but I feel that being well into my 30s I have all the answers they need in my head, they just need to ask the right questions.

Thanks

Kymbo7 said:

Hfor the past 2 weeks especially the past few days i have had i think a few panic attacks and feeing of lossing everything.

Firstly, I love the resilience in that you state clearly and proudly that you are “ strong and determined” and I think , reading between the lines, your life has not been easy so these personality traits have been so valuable. Go you!

You clearly have survived childhood abuse which is just an awful thing to happen to anyone.Clearly you have some deep well of strength that keeps you going. However, it is no surprise that you are have some psychological “scars” or emotional problems  from your early experiences.

These  may explain some of the feelings and thoughts you have now.
http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/complex-trauma/effects-of-complex-trauma
 
Some of the scars and emotional bumps may be  part of the abuse scars… when your brain mixes up time and space , so that dramatic events that should be firmly locked into the “memory” folders of our brain somehow keep popping open and FEEL like they might be happening or about to happen in the present.

Obviously this then causes our bodies to become geared up for something”bad” to happen and out comes the old “flight or fight” response and we end up feeling all jittery, anxious and stressed.
 
I have also noticed that it is not uncommon that people who have had difficult parental relationships can struggle with happy and healthy adult relationships. There are many theories as to why this happens, but the gist of it is its not your fault . It is due to you trying to find love in the wrong places. An old pathway set up in your brain from your childhood.
 
The constant loop of this faulty brain wiring can of course make us feel down and like we are going crazy , but its not your fault and it is treatable.
 
I feel you do need a good therapist to teach you and guide you through the healing childhood trauma . The Blue Knot Foundation specialises in this area and may be able to give you the name of some one close to you who has a good understanding of this work . Ring their helpline to enquire: 
http://www.blueknot.org.au/Helpline
 
You sound like you are trying hard already - trying to be a good mum & NOT drinking or smoking and writing this post. Maybe visit your GP too and see if they can help develop a good team of HEALTHY support around you. 
 

Cmb80 said:

Hi Dr kim,

I am just wondering if there is support out there for womb trauma whilst you were in the womb?

I think what you call “womb trauma”,  i call "grief and loss". There is no doubt that your mum must have been struggling in your post natal period . I don’t know the details of your particular case  but if you read  attachment theory , you can see that so many of our deeply held beliefs about our worthiness come from those early years and our desperate need to form attachments to primary care givers .

Sometimes these attempts to connect are not met due to the mums ( or dad’s) post natal depression or illness, or poverty or family circumstances beyond their control. 

There is  a lot written on this , but check this article out for example
https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

To help you sort out the maze of all this stuff, I would head to a therapist who has some experience in this. In general , family therapists are pretty well versed in this stuff: https://www.aaft.asn.au/find-a-therapist/

Your hunch is probably right that early events are still causing ripples in your present day life. Good news is that , with motivation, you can make changes. 

Kid_in_denial said:

Hi Dr Kim.

I am in early stages of being diagnosed (with what I can't say because there have been many names put on the table) however I am only seeing a psychologist at this time.

You write so beautifully .

Is it being slow ? Maybe … I don’t know but you did say that there have been "many names put on the table in the past" which indicates to me that things are maybe not straight forward. 

Some conditions are super easy to diagnose .. and others are a bit more tricky .. so it is hard to be sure what is happening with you. 

What I do know is that you should feel like you are in partnership with your health professionals and if you are feeling impatient and agitated by the slow pace , maybe you can state that in a calm and non threatening way. Just ask them where they are along the journey ..How are they going ? Ask for an update . Maybe that will help you to feel like you are part of the “team” .

Maybe write down the answers in your head that you feel they need to hear and haven’t asked for yet , and ask if they might like to see that list.

I would stay on the ship even though it's hard not knowing the route or the destination. 

Ive got 9 week old baby and am suffering from postnatal depression. Imjust suffering from overwhelmed n emotions are all over the place and think im not doing enough for my son . Wanting some advice.

dr kim im curious whats the best way to recognise depression in elderly parents i have an elderly father (73) years old whom for thirty years at least maybe more argues with himself on his own then when you try and talk to him about what hes arguing about he says oh its nothing if there is family discusson at any time and things go awry then he brings out the blame game of his inlaws have ruined his life he swears and curses at small things ( like a spanner falling of a bench and i call it carries on for ten minutes yelling and swearing ) he will fall asleep as soon as he sits down after doing something small.he will always bring up the bad things that have happened in his life .when i do get to have conversations with him if i ask him does he have any plans in the future i get the same answer (oh we will see what goes ) which is frustrating to my self he lives in a messy house and expects family to be there to do his bidding clean up after him all the time . when we have cleaned up after him before within two months the house or the shed is back to the same state as before . my question is does he in your opinion need help for depression and if so where do i start ( i will say one thing he wont recognise if he has a problem as far as hes concerned hes as healthy as a horse and will tell you so ...........he has to be right all the time and if you start to try to gently push the point it ends up with him yelling and screaming to get you to back away . knows he how to manipulate to get what he wants with arguements ) so once again where do i start and where do i go thanks any advice hopefully will help