Thank you Dr Kim.

Hi

I do not suffer from aanxiety or depression but I work for a very big company

Just recently an employee of my company was sacked

He committed suicide

I did not personally know him but today I was very sad

I kmow some people who knew him

I am considering asking some questions of the company and drafting a strong letter regarding their policies relating to these issues

We have been given no answers to our questions

Only rumours and innuendo

My question is should I proceed and should I be concerned regarding my employment.Thanks

Hi Phil1956, so sorry to read about the death of your colleague. This isn't really a question that Dr Kim can assist with, but we would recommend you read the following section of our Heads Up website for guidance:

https://www.headsup.org.au/supporting-others-in-the-workplace/suicide-prevention-and-awareness/support-after-a-colleague-has-died-by-suicide

Thanks everyone for your questions this year. Dr Kim will be back in January, and this thread will re-open then.

Happy new year everyone! The ASK DR KIM thread is now open again for your questions in 2017.

Hi there, I would like advice on what I believe, at the moment, is mild anxiety. I do not trust the privacy of my employer's Employee Assistance Program provider, they asked so many questions when I tried to book an appointment which would quite easily have identified me to my employer. I told my GP this and was advised by her that if I did not go through the EAP service, I would have to pay for each visit to a psychiatrist as I was unable to have this bulk billed. I can't afford this. I just saw another thread somewhere else on this site which suggested the first 5 treatments are government funded. Is this correct? I think I need some assistance soon, I'm really starting to struggle and it's not fair on my family.....

Hi Dr Kim,

My husband has had an episode and is currently taking lithium, antipsychotic, suboxone and a another unrelated health drug.

I am concerned by his behaviour with his sleep and cases him falling asleep in the bath and swallowing water while doing so. The other night i had to pull the plug out as he did not get out of bath after been alerted three times of his behaviour. Could this be the medication as if it was just being tired he could get up after being woken up the first time.

Very concerned about this as there was an incident of falling asleep in the shower unconscious mid last year and now has a very mild brain trauma.

Going to my doctors to talk about this tonight as i am worried.

Gen

Hi dr kim my name is isabella i am 17 an i have recently been having panic an anxiety attacks it has only started recently because i over think things and i start to think the possible worse is there any strategies that will help me calm down and move on from this. Thank you

Hi Isabella, please have a look through this section of our website for the information you need on understanding and managing anxiety: https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/understand-what's-going-on/anxiety

lightworker17 said:Hi there, I would like advice on what I believe, at the moment, is mild anxiety. I do not trust the privacy of my employer's Employee Assistance Program provider....

My suggestion to to follow your GPs advise on this one. I am no expert on the EAP and she probably knows your particular situation best and is in a good place to give personalised advice. My concern is that you are worried about being “outed” to your employer. Why? Is there a stigma in your workplace in taking advantage of the EAP scheme ? Do you feel there will be repercussions in seeing a psychiatrist ? Is the reason you are seeking help directly due to your workplace and you are concerned about privacy?

I think you may want to discuss with your GP your issues around accessing the EAP and why you feel that being identified as using the scheme will be detrimental to your employment or an invasion of your privacy. It should be neither of those things.

Remember that it is in your employers best interest that their staff are in good health , both physically and mentally .. so I can’t see why any one would not want you to be performing at your best.

gld said:

Hi Dr Kim,

My husband has had an episode and is currently taking lithium, antipsychotic, suboxone and a another unrelated health drug.

Hi Gen , I can certainly see why you would be concerned about this behaviour . It is definitely not ok and I would check your concerns with his doctors. Are the doses right ? Is he taking the right combination ? Is he taking any other medicines unbeknown to the prescribing doctor (or to you) ? Is he using alcohol or other drugs of addiction? Is there a new medical issue brewing?

There are certainly concerns that need to be reviewed by someone medically trained and who has your husbands medical history.

Good luck and good on you for seeking assistance with this.

Hi Dr Kim,

Thanks for reply to my post.

I did go to my Dr who knows my husband as he has been under her treatment. After i explained what has been going on she did not hesitate making an appointment for him with his Dr the next day and i went with him to his appointment. His Dr is getting him to take full blood test which we are going to do first thing Monday as i can not take any more time off work [one car and have to make sure he follows instructions before blood test]. The tests are checking lithium levels/ other drugs, blood sugar and other things.

I feel glad i did go as it has calmed me down somewhat. Just is difficult as he just has not been the same after the incident earlier last year because of his forgetfulness. His health issues are complexed with no sight of a resolution at present and some we need to adapt too.

He seems to follow the Dr's instructions.

Gen

My anxieties are 100% due to my Manager and work stressors which is why I have had concerns about the EAP. The Organisation does promotes use of EAP etc. and good mental health of their staff etc. Like a lot of employers what they say and what they do are two very different things. I now feel at a stage where I don't care if my employers know whether I have been or not. I will try the EAP and see if this helps. Thank you for your help.

Hi I'm a 18 year old that recently finished high school and came back from a holiday fromAmerica. I have had major anxiety and anxiety attacks in the past but ever since I can back from America I've had major panic attack each day where I can't breathe and I have screaming attacks where I end up crying. I've been have anxiety attacks about dying. I know we will all die one day but everyday I wake up thinking about it and getting super anxious to the point of a anxiety attack due to not wanting to die. I feel on edge all day and it's stopping me from doing activities. If I don't do anything at all my mind slides back to it and it starts all over again.

I was wondering what you suggest as a treatment or things I could do at home to train my brain to not think about it or to calm down when I have a panic attack. Any advice will be helpful.

I'll try to make it short. I'm 17 yrs old and have been dealing with depression for roughly 2-3 years. Lately I have been quite happy with myself and my life.

A couple days ago I found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me for a couple weeks. After I found out I broke up with her but I have been unable to cry even though I feel really sad and angry. I'm confused as to why I can't let out my emotions and instead become distant to friends and family.

Please help me to find out why.

my hubby is having ect , he has just had his 5th one, he has become so paranoid and full of guilt and anxiety even about things that happened 30 years ago. he feels it has made him worse, has anyone else experienced this after ect. I thought ect stopped negative thoughts. he wasn't like this before he had it

Hi everyone

My wife suffers from PTSD caused by a traumatic first marriage. I also have come out of a marriage where yelling and screaming was a normal daily thing.

We are mostly in a good space but when we have a fight, all hell breaks loose. It doesn't matter the content of the argument, as soon as I change my tone or show frustration, she falls into a deep PTSD cycle.

I am not doing a very good job at all...I do my best...She has lost trust with me and her emotions

I would love some guidance.

Jessi98 said:

Hi I'm a 18 year old that recently finished high school and came back from a holiday fromAmerica. I have had major anxiety and anxiety attacks in the past but ever since I can back from America I've had major panic attack each day where I can't breathe and I have screaming attacks where I end up crying. I've been have anxiety attacks about dying. I know we will all die one day but everyday I wake up thinking about it and getting super anxious to the point of a anxiety attack due to not wanting to die. I feel on edge all day and it's stopping me from doing activities. If I don't do anything at all my mind slides back to it and it starts all over again.

I was wondering what you suggest as a treatment or things I could do at home to train my brain to not think about it or to calm down when I have a panic attack. Any advice will be helpful.

It does sound like you are having classic, intense and distressing panic attacks. That is awful for you, but the good news is that there are plenty of people who have walked this path before you and have been successfully treated.

Firstly let me briefly explain whats going on

There is a primitive or reptilian brain (your amygdala) that sits on top of your spinal cord deep in your brain. It controls the “fight , flight or freeze” reflex that we have as a response to perception of danger . This was a very handy evolutionary responce when we were cave men as it allowed us to very quickly respond to predictors and not get eaten!! 

 Over riding that is our thinking brain or  mammalian brain (the cortex ). This part of your brain has all the filing cabinets in it with information about making sense of the world around us and deciding how to act . So if we hear a noise outside and use our cortex we can “ think “ about whether it is really a sabre tooth tiger, or just wind in the trees…( probably the latter given those tiger are now extinct!!) . 

Guess where your responce is coming from ? I think you are totally responding to what your amygdala has perceived is a threat . And your amygdala is super jumpy at the moment , seeing imaginary threats everywhere and going into going into adrenaline pumping flight mode.  Is it rational ? No! Does the Amygdala care ? No! the Amygdala is doing its job . It is protecting you !!! However, your cortex , later can see that is “ got it wrong” which is why you are writing to us and trying to stop the process.

So the treatment begins with you understanding your brain and body better. Look at Beyond Blue or SANE websites for more info on Panic disorder .
the 4 forms of therapy are 
1. lifestyle - better exercise, eating , sleep
2. Mindfulness programmes ( Apps e.g. Headspace or Smiling Mind ) or a programme ( e.g. Open Ground)
3. Therapy - ask your GP for a referral
4. Medication - via your GP

Some people need all four to control their symptoms. i suggest you get to a GP to help guide you through this.

Ashley2 said:

I'll try to make it short. I'm 17 yrs old and have been dealing with depression for roughly 2-3 years. Lately I have been quite happy with myself and my life.

A couple days ago I found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me for a couple weeks. After I found out I broke up with her but I have been unable to cry even though I feel really sad and angry. I'm confused as to why I can't let out my emotions and instead become distant to friends and family.

Please help me to find out why.

There are no rules about how you “should” express grief or loss (except that you shouldn't harm others) . There is no rule that says that you must cry in order to “ release” the pain or the anger etc. I think you should be mindful and observant in a curious and respectful way of what your emotional world is doing. I think it is ok to be kind to your self and just to notice and not to judge whatever is happening to you. So that if at this stage you are a bit distant and shut down , then just notice that and trust that maybe that is what you need at the moment . There may be a time where you need to push yourself to connect a little and then just notice how that feels. 
Its ok to just observe your reactions to this betrayal and the loss without having to feel like to have to do it in a certain way.
If you feel like your day to day functioning is starting to be affected though, then I would maybe check in with your GP or Counsellor 
Also , try listening to an APP like Headspace just to help you with the Mindfulness stuff .

jellydog said:my hubby is having ect , he has just had his 5th one, he has become so paranoid and full of guilt and anxiety even about things that happened 30 years ago. he feels it has made him worse, has anyone else experienced this after ect. I thought ect stopped negative thoughts. he wasn't like this before he had it

ECT is thought to be a helpful treatment for many people with severe and drug resistant depression. I am not an expert in this, but my understanding is that it can have some cognitive after effects. The main one that I have heard people relate to me is the memory loss. I am a bit unsure about his reaction and i would definitely bring your concerns to his treating psychiatrist. He or she may not speak to you alone, but go together as a couple and talk it through. 

Dean L said:

Hi everyone

My wife suffers from PTSD caused by a traumatic first marriage. I also have come out of a marriage where yelling and screaming was a normal daily thing.

We are mostly in a good space but when we have a fight, all hell breaks loose. It doesn't matter the content of the argument, as soon as I change my tone or show frustration, she falls into a deep PTSD cycle.

I am not doing a very good job at all...I do my best...She has lost trust with me and her emotions

I would love some guidance.

The good news here is that you both recognise that you are BOTH bring things into this cauldron that is causing it to bubble over.
That is a good thing because if both of you can take some responsibility for the problem, then both of you can take some responsibility for the solution too.

I highly recommend that you see couples counselling to guide you through the maze of this one. You may need individual work too (her for PTSD , you for learning better skills at managing your communication) but I think often this can be done all together in couples work . 

If you are reading book type people there are some great marriage manuals out there but i think they work better AFTER having face to face counselling- e.g. Harriet Lerner “Marriage Rules” or Jon Gottman “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”.

Get a referral from your GP or look up marriage guidance services in your state/ territory (Eg the Relationships Australia network). 
PS Dont Delay !
 

Hi Dr Kim I have a question about medication I have tried several for my depression I was on one and the Psychiatrist told me to increase the dose it didn't really do much just made me drowsy in the afternoon. He said next try another so I have been on it for 3 days and feel worse extremely tired and drowsy should I give it more time to work? Sick of these medications they seem to do more harm than good

Thanks Matthew

Hi dr. Kim

i will try and be brief.

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety.

After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions).

Her conclusions were partly spot on especially about the mother in law, and she was correct in saying this is where some of anxiety stems from. I was happy we figured out where some of anxiety stems from...now to work on strategies.

We didn't work on any strategies. She told me I have two options...stay in the relationship, suck it up and watch my mental health decline further....or end the relationship to save my mental health.

as you can imagine I was in shock. I never thought to end my relationship. I'm happy and I love him. I argued with her and justified that I love my partner and want to fix things. But hearing my mental health will improve if I let go was too good to hear.

when I left the session I was hysterical. I stayed at my parents that night. They said my psychologist was putting things in my mind and days before seeing her I was perfectly fine mentally. I had a huge meltdown where I hit myself, ripped my hair out and threatened to hurt myself. I haven't had a meltdown like this in 5 years.

i guess my question is....can psychologists tell someone to end their relationship? Only after two sessions, without hearing more about my life and relationship and without hearing my partners side of the story.

my partner and I spoke about everything. Things are good but what my psychologist said is still playing on repeat in my mind.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Rockstar, as explained at the start of this thread, Dr Kim cannot provide advice on medications. Please consult your psychiatrist with any concerns you have.

Hi Missbeckz,

This is a really tough one as it is so hard to know what motivated your psychologist to say those things to you in such a dogmatic way and why she felt she had enough rapport with you to say suggest such an enormous step. 

There are occasions where therapists or doctors will make a big call like that in a short space of time - I’m thinking of situations where you think someone is at risk, but I agree with you that even if she did think this, she clearly hadn’t invested enough time in the relationship with you to understand how difficult it would be for you to hear such a thing. 

I feel terrible for you that you had such a hard time recovering from the shock.

Now lets process where to go from here … What can you learn from this experience ? What can you take away that is valuable for you? What can you use to help you to feel better in the future?

I suggest 2 things

1. You said you went seeking help with Anxiety. I suggest that is what you start with. Really get a good handle on managing anxiety and being able to notice, understand and regulate your internal emotional world better. You can do this with a range of things . Starting with lifestyle factors - exercise , diet , sleep and daily meditation apps ( Headspace or Smiling Mind). If you have time, money and live in town ,a group anxiety regulation programme like Open Ground might even be valuable. I feel this it important to for you to learn to manage really tough emotional states without self harm and melt downs.

You can also try a good book called “Change Your Thinking” by Sarah Edelman if you can’t get to programmes.

2. Then I suggest you tackle the underlying issues again, once feeling calmer and more able to weather emotional storms. Meaning ,It may be worthwhile to look at why the statement that the psychologist said hit you so hard and why it repeats in your mind . 
Is there some iota of truth in what she said that made you upset or was it that it was a load of rubbish and it upset you because its a pattern in your life that people have often told you what you think instead of asking you what you think and you're sick of it!

I really don’t know as I don’t know you… but once you feel calmer, more in control of your emotions … that would be the time to lift the lid on the tougher issues. 

Ask your GP for another referral and make sure you explain what happened and that you need someone who is going to GO SLOW and work collaboratively with you.

Good luck on your journey and I feel happy that you have your husband and parents around you on the journey.

Hi Dr Kim, I am new here. My partner has just been diagnosed with depression. He took himself to the Dr on his own accord. For the last 2 years I have noticed a change in him, which I didn't associate with depression and always blamed myself for the way he was / treated me and lashed out at him for being distant, tired, lacking enthusiasm and what to me appeared laziness. I fear that I have made things worse by my own behaviour from not understanding over the last 2 years.

He works FIFO and when he is away he is even more distant, staying up late with his friends and then will briefly talk to me before he goes to bed, usually just 1 word answers where I do all the talking and then says he's tired and is going. When he is home he keeps his room dark and barely goes out, and stays in bed all day while I'm at work.

He is now on antidepressants and has been for 3 weeks. He has now just old me he doesn't know how he feels or what he wants with anything anymore, including me. He doesn't talk about his depression for most of the time and when I ask how his day has been and how he's feeling he replies with "Fine." However, he then sent me screenshots of symptoms of depression in men and said he feels all of the symptoms except suicide, but this was over text and he won't say it in person. He no longer tells me he loves or misses me, or shows any affection, unless I say it first and he'll respond with 'you too'. He no longer hugs me and turns his back on me when we sleep..

He's a shell of the person he used to be, we were bestfriends and always seemed to be in a honeymoon period (we've been together 5 years) until about 2 years ago when I noticed the change. I've known him for 10 years, but I don't know how to support him or know if his behaviour is normal.

I want to support him as best as I can and get through it together.

Will he ever "recover" and get back to his normal self?

Depression runs in his family, grandmother (on mother side), father, uncle and brother.

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm new here and its for my husband that i joined.
he is 25 years old, working with his dad, surfer, eats healthy, good friends.

Basically i want to make sure I'm doing the right thing, and not treating it too lightly if its quiet serious.
My husband is a perfectionist, he has these episodes as well when (especially when a decision needs to be made) he can't cope and he's said before its like he can't think straight and gets so stressed. He'll take over tasks if he thinks he can do it better. He can be very emotionally disconnected when i need him the most (i had a break down and was telling him to stop talking with my hand over my ears on the floor in a ball and he kept at it..with no emotional thought to comfort me etc). People feel at times that they have to "tip toe" around him if he is in a bad mood. He doesn't seem like a happy person..laughs at times when watching tv or with friends but never really in day to day activities. Can get anxiety..but never (that i know of) has had an anxiety attack, very selfish and defensive.

I have spoken to him about it and how he scares me sometimes when he is so unapproachable, and he does recognise that he is like that.

i have just bought him the Swisse-mood tablets and i was thinking maybe we could try that for 3 months and see how he goes and if that makes him "normal" then maybe try a Dr in town because obviously there is an issue.

i was reading a little on OCPD..some of those symptoms are very close to my husband.
I'm just a little lost. i love him so much i just want him to be happy and content and not be so anxious about making the wrong decision.

i don't want to take away his dignity.

JSMNE said:

Hi Dr Kim, I am new here. My partner has just been diagnosed with depression.

You are rightly concerned about your husband and it does sound like he may be depressed which is quite prevalent in the FIFO community.

I suggest you look at info on how to support and understand a loved one with depression 
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone
Or 
https://www.sane.org/families-carers

Don't beat yourself up for not diagnosing his depression. You are his wife, not a health professional. However , acknowledging the misunderstanding now might feel validating to him. Tell him that from now on you plan to not on his side , not in his back!

You will need to make sure that you are in the very best head space to be able to support him as this may be a long haul. ( it can take 6-8 weeks for medication to kick in and some people's need to try many before they find one that helps )

So keep yourself healthy - exercise, eat well , rest , keep up social contacts , get family on board , get a counsellor if needed .
Be strong and positive so you can support him back to health with patience & with a whole lot of love and hope.

People do get better from depression. Make sure he has a great team around him - a good GP , therapist +/- psychiatrist. Offer to go with him and meet the team . 

Be with him on the journey but not responsible for him .
Your " old husband " is still in there but under a cloak of depression. Keep faith that with both of you working hard , you can lift that cloak and have that guy back again , albeit a little bruised maybe  from the experience.
 

chachipaige said:

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm new here and its for my husband that i joined.
he is 25 years old, working with his dad, surfer, eats healthy, good friends.

Basically i want to make sure I'm doing the right thing, and not treating it too lightly if its quiet serious.

Hi There,

Welcome to the forum and thankyou for your enquiries.

I think you are in a very common position. That sense that “something” is not ok with a loved one but not being sure what it is or if you are over reacting or being intrusive or controlling by asking him to seek help.

A few things come to mind:

1. I am not sure what is going on with your husband but I am concerned that you feel that he is unapproachable and that you don’t feel he an openly talk to you about your concerns and feelings. That must feel pretty lonely and hard for you. You are doing the right thing for YOU to not just put your head in the sand and hope it all goes away.

2. I wonder if he may have anxiety but is trying hard to not acknowledge it or manage it effectively. Why, I have no idea? I suggest you read up on Anxiety in the book “ Change Your Thinking “ by Sarah Edelman as it may hep you understand this condition and allow you to maybe explore this with him more confidently. 

3. You speak about him being emotionally disconnected . Is that most of the time ? Or only when he is very stressed ? There are many things that cause emotional disconnection and i certainly don’t have enough info to make a diagnosis for your husband , but it can be anything from personality style to mild Autism Spectrum Disorder, Depression to Severe Anxiety.. .. Really hard to say. Your GP or a therapist should be able to help with that. My hunch is that it part of the Anxiety .

4.You can’t make people change or be different if they don’t want to be . So if he point blank refuses to see that there is any issue with his behaviour , you then have to work on what you CAN control - namely , what YOU do. So you may decide to go to a counsellor yourself and work on strategies for living alongside him as he is , or lowering expectations or developing more compassion.. OR you may even decide that you need to place boundaries on some of his behaviours whether the likes it or not. In this way you are not colluding with him that there is NO problem .

I applaud you for not wanting to take away his dignity BUT in the process… don’t sacrifice your own !
 

Hi Moonstuck,

I believe it's well within your rights to see more then one Dr if the need is there for your health but not everyone is capable of being that honest with themselves so i do see the point of the Dr's saying you can become dependent, this can occur within 2 weeks of daily dosing so objectively you can see how Dr's might be reluctant to give out scripts when people are known to be depressed &/or Anxious.

I found myself in the same situation severe anxiety and stress i began to get migraines no longer then 3 days apart and i really couldn't imagine living that way for much longer. I had 3 failed attempts at seeing the GP, Hardest thing i had to do was tell the GP "Im not ok" i was shaking with fear with about a million thoughts racing through my mind and i couldn't get any of them to come out. Luckily GP was could see what was happening and tried to get me to talk more about it but i just told GP i literally can't talk about it right now, then gave a script to help me 'for now' but only gave me enough for a couple days. The GP asked that i return in 2 days, i thought more about never going back just so i didn't have to feel so uncomfortable again but then again i almost always feel uncomfortable.

So here i go thoughts looping around and around in my head as to why i should not and could not go back. Well I somehow committed to a promise i made myself and went back, (after all that supply was only for a couple days), Dr told me alright but i want you to see a psychologist (CBT treatment) to put it bluntly the Dr is fine to give me the script because i never ask more then what i should be taking and because I'm seeing the psychologist. It hasn't taken anything away from the anxiety but so far it has shown me a lot more about myself and i now see that not having a support network is a big deal. At times others would turn to loved ones, friends and family i turn into myself because that's all i know.

Don't wait for it to get worse, do what you can with what you have to be who you are!

Peace out Moonstuck

Jaz13