Moonstruck said:

Dear Dr Kim

I don't think you can help me with this, nor if I can explain it properly. I seem to have a problem with "over thinking, at times leaning towards these thoughts becoming a bit paranoid".

Hi Moonstruck

You are being hoodwinked by your anxiety into believing that its messages to you are “real’, the “truth”. But seriously, many of our thoughts and feelings deserve to go into the garbage ! Just because to think it doesn’t make it real.
 
The job of your centred, mindful brain ( or your pre- frontal cortex) is to sort out on the conveyor belt of thoughts and feelings, which ones are keepers and which ones go to trash. I can see from your post that you suspect that your own “sorting centre” might be getting it wrong at times. That instead of sending the “bad scenarios" into trash, you are keeping them as “real”.
 
The thing is when people have anxious thoughts (which I think you do) the anxiety centre in our brain just keeps pumping out all this stuff that winds us up. It makes us feel panicky and upset as if we are in danger or something bad is going to happen or we are going to make a bad choice or we might regret things. ( This is your anxious brain :"imagining clearly in my mind possible bad negative scenarios, the dialogue that goes on, the scenes taking place - all imaginary.” )
 
So, you don't have “ paranoid over thinking “ , you have anxiety. 
There are many different approaches to anxiety management -  there is Mindfulness meditation , CBT, ACT, psychotherapy, medications and of course .. lets not forget my beloved life style factors ( exercise, eating well and sleep)
 
There are great self help books around,( Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman is a great start) and you can also see your GP to get a referral to a counsellor who can help you get the skills to be able to sort out those thoughts on the conveyor belt a whole lot more effectively.
 

Morethanmoonandstars said:

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm a 50 something y/o woman and have been depressed most of my life.

Hi, your post is so full of both gritted determination AND hopelessness and exhaustion , that I don't know whether to give you a cheer for everything you have done so far or sit down and cry with you for everything you still need to do. And I think maybe the answer is BOTH.

You have done so well.. you have come so far. You have battled this demon for years and years and come at it from every side. I feel for you. I really do and I think that it would sound flippant to give someone with that much experience some advice in a few lines and think it's going to “hit the mark”.

However, I think that there is something to be said for not doing the hard yards alone. The image that comes to mind is when marathon runners are trying to dig deep and find some resources to finish there race, push through pain and keep going , they say that having people standing on the sidelines encouraging them helps so much. The people don't come on the track and actually push them along, but just the helpful words of support make all the difference. 

So, my thought is that maybe you might get some value from finding some sort of community that can do a bit of support from the sidelines. Now you say that you don't have family or friends or hobbies or interests. I wonder if you might be able to find some relief  by revisiting this belief about yourself, that you are “fiercely independent” .. and be less so.

Find a support group, or at least some sort of supportive community that might be of value to you.

If you literally have no idea where to start on this - try a church group or a community support group . If you have no idea where to start on this, ring the Beyond Blue Help line to discuss how to make a start in this arena. 1300 22 4636

We might all need to take a look at the way we see ourselves at times and see if we can’t come up with a picture that is somehow more helpful than the one we are keeping in our minds eye.

tiahleighj said:

hey dr kim,

will do my best to keep it short. I am needing some assistance.

Hi , 

I am not sure if you are trying to support someone else or you are worried about your own mental health.

When supporting someone else , I think it is best not to take the responsibility to make those decisions for them or about them when something serious like suicidal ideation is involved. I think it would be best to get them seen by a GP or an Emergency Department . If they won’t go and you are really concerned you can get a CAT team to assess someone in their home by calling your closest Emergency Department and asking about that service.

If you are wondering about yourself and if an admission to hospital may help your depression and suicidal ideation, again I think that is a really hard question to answer without knowing more about your history and circumstances. However, i think you should definitely seek some opinions about this from a trusted health professional - your GP, your therapist , a psychiatrist, an Emergency Department, or a CAT team .

It is really hard to assess yourself and decide on the best course of own treatment when you are in the depths of depression ( partly because severe depression can affect cognition , motivation, concentration, rational thinking etc). So best to collaborate with mental health experts about this.

Good luck and get help/ assessed ASAP!

I will try and be as brief as possible but I'm not really sure how to put this all in words.

I haven't been to a psychiatrist in a while because I felt that it was doing more harm than good but right now I'm so confused about what I'm feeling. Since leaving my hometown, my boyfriend and I agreed to do long distance. It has been 4 months since we've seen each other and will be another 4 before i see him again. We called the past two days but when i see him on video, i feel anxiety. I had separation anxiety as a kid so i know what it feels like. I feel so afraid that I'm falling out of love with him. And when he tried to be sexual, I felt ill and just wanted to curl up and cry. I ended up hiding my face so he didn't notice. He hasn't changed and is still very sweet but for some reason I get the feeling that I don't even know him. I don't want him to know that I feel this way because I know he will think he's hurting me but he isn't. I have no idea what brought this on and I really need your help to cope. I feel okay when I message him but as soon as i see his face i feel so ill. Please help me. I love him so much and I don't want to hurt anymore people in my life. I really can't keep going like this.

Hi Dr. Kim

I got married in dec 2015. My husband is being very supportive. My husband's aunty she keep taunting me, whenever i meet her she keeps me stuff that I haven't done. She keeps saying stuff to my hisband as well. she always insults me and my husband in fornt of others. She keeps saying us that you are poor and my kids are best. But infront of her husband (husbands uncle) she pretends that she is nice to us. So many things had happened i feel so depressed about whats being happening. Last year me and my husband went to natural path and she said that i am suffering from high levels of anxiety. I took medication ( multivitamins for stress relief) for some time and then i stopped taking. From last two weeks i am feeling so depressed, my mood is always low, crying all the time. 4 days ago my husband asks me to go and visit him uncle. I already told him that i am not good. I am not going to their place. I cried so much that day that I didn't wanna go to their place. My husband uncle, he keep interfering in our life. That day we went there i was so quiet as usual when i visit them. My husbands aunty keeps showing that her kids are doing better and treated us like we are nothing. I was already so depressed i had fight with my husband,s uncle. Then, after two days my husband said you shoul say sorry to him because he is our elder. I said him sorry over the phone and he said that its all my fault. His wife haven't done anything wrong. I was the one who made stories. After that he said that is gonna this thing to my family and also threaten me if you raised you voice next time i will show my power what i am. My husband is being supportive through my suffering. He also suffered with me. My husband's aunty treated him like how she treats me. His uncle is keep saying me that i am responsible for all this problem. I am also having suicidal thought. I am so depressed all the time. no one is trying to understand what i am going through. He blamed me for everything. Now my husband also realised that he is protecting his wife and blaming me.

hi Dr Kim

i am 16 and scared, i don't know what to do. It always feels like i'm letting someone down. i have not been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but i often feel as though the world is crumbling around me. it feels like i do everything wrong, i haven't told my family because i feel as though it is my problem and that telling family will only make things worse. i often just feel sad and down on myself and i don't understand why. My boyfriend and a few of my friends know, but i feel like they don't really understand :((

i don't know what to do.

I just wanted to see everyone's thoughts on why I might be feeling like this...

I'm not sleeping great, I always feel sick or overweight (I'm average weight) and I just cry all the time.. like my life is great but the way I feel about myself is horrible, honestly I just hate the way I am

though I'm in a 2 year committed relationship my parents are happily together so I don't think the problem lies there. I think it's with me... any ideas?

ChLiv said:

I will try and be as brief as possible but I'm not really sure how to put this all in words.

I am so glad you opened up to me, but even more so i am so glad that you were open and honest with yourself. 

You need to be curious about these feeing that are coming up for you, you need to scratch your head and wonder about them .. because they are on the surface of things incongruent . You love him in some parts of your head and heart .. but you are repelled in other parts. I am wondering if possibly , just possibly , he is inadvertadly triggering something from your past . You may very well be rejecting some old feeling or situation from your past that you dont want to experience again … and that is a totally understandable and important protection mechanism .. but also one that may need to be understood better by you so that fierce protective side doesn’t “overdo” it and extend into places its not welcome , like your current loving relationship.

It may be time to revisit a therapist and explore these or other possibilities if you can’t get your head around your responses on your own . But whatever you do ,  do not try to just shove them into a bottom drawer somewhere and pretend like they aren’t there as that is unlikely you work out in the long run. the responses are too powerful. 
 

Pdf said:

Hi Dr. Kim

I got married in dec 2015. My husband is being very supportive. My husband's aunty she keep taunting me, whenever i meet her she keeps me stuff that I haven't done. 

I am so glad you are trying to find a way out of this and have written to us. I am wondering if possibly you and /or your husband come from a cultural group where the way one treats or is treated by family is understood through that lens.

What I mean is, that different cultures have different ideas about what is considered rude for example and what is considered “the right thing” to do.

So I want to be both respectful of any cultural norms that may exist in your community, but I am not at all apologetic in standing up for the need for you to be respected as a person no matter who you are. Here in this community I believe that we can only be happy if we feel that we have been valued ,heard and respected, that doesn’t mean we always get our way, but it does mean that we have been at least considered and treated kindly.

This applies to everyone - men, women , young, old , gay, straight, able bodied , disabled, Christian , Muslim ,Jew , or whatever !

So.. back to you and your dilemma with your husband's uncle and aunt who seem to be treating you with disrespect .

I feel the first place to start is with your husband. You say that he is supportive. You say that also gets bullied by them . I wonder if it is time for the two of you to sit down and think about putting some boundaries around yourselves so that this bullying does not continue.

It may mean that your husband confronts his dilemma with his family first. He may need to look at why he has permitted them to treat HIM is such a poor way and now why is he allowing them to treat his wife in such a poor way ? What is he fearful of by standing up to them ? Is it his culture that prevents it ? Or is it his personality ? Or is it his fears of rejection ? Or is it past trauma that has led him to feel that it is too frightening to assert ones own needs?

I wonder if both of you need support each other first to work out these things and then together build some firm boundaries around things that are ok and things are not ok for people to say to you.

Talk about how to protect each other .. What to do if people cross the boundaries, remember , that you may not change people but you don't have to be near them if they are being cruel . You have the right to leave , hand in hand .

If you need some more help , maybe see your GP for a referral to a psychologist to help you out . 

Hi Dr Kim
I've been diagnosed cPTSD and PTSD from multiple traumas as an adult. Any depressive or anxiety Period in my life has always been preceded by a significantly stressful event. By 2015 i had a toolbox full of coping strategies and positive lifestyle changes and I came of all meds and felt better than I ever have in my life. Eventually not even needing therapy. However for the last 5-6 weeks now I have relapsed into incredibly overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks. My tools don't seem to be touching this. I am now back to weekly therapy and just started back on Meds today. There was no obvious triggering event this time. The only real change I can determine is that I became vego in December. I eat almost an entirely vege based diet. But I do eat eggs daily. I'm quite health conscious and did my research. I'm careful to eat enough/balanced macro and micro nutrients from whole foods with a couple of supplements thrown in. My question to you is... do you think ceasing all meat could be the trigger for this most recent downturn? My thoughts are that this may be the case. Logically, as humans evolved the higher parts of the brain, meat was an important part of the diet. I'm someone genetically predisposed to anxiety and having also had brain changes from trauma. Perhaps that newly evolved part of my brain is already struggling to function without taking away (how good is hindsight) important combos of nutrients that are only available in meat.What do you think?

reeg01 said:

hi Dr Kim

i am 16 and scared, i don't know what to do. It always feels like i'm letting someone down.

Tilly1357 said:

I just wanted to see everyone's thoughts on why I might be feeling like this...

I'm not sleeping great, I always feel sick or overweight (I'm average weight) and I just cry all the time.. like my life is great but the way I feel about myself is horrible, honestly I just hate the way I am

though I'm in a 2 year committed relationship my parents are happily together so I don't think the problem lies there. I think it's with me... any ideas?

Hi reeg01 and Tilly1357, I'm going to answer your questions together as I feel you are both struggling with similar things.

I am going to suggest that it may be possibly negative thinking or obsessional thinking. 

Either way , this way of thinking is NOT your fault . 

Sometimes , one's  brain can give negative messages  or interprets things in a negative way for no rational reason. Likewise , with obsessional thinking , it can get stuck thinking the same thing over and over again with no rational resolution and often with the belief that if you don do something or think something, there will be a bad outcome.

It’s like it's stuck on that radio station and you are finding it hard to change it.

This can start up due to all sorts of things .. sometimes it's genetic , or things in ones past , sometimes it's learned behavior, sometimes it's personality style , sometimes it's just bad habits .. 

whatever the cause in your case it is treatable but there is some work involved.

Look at books from David Burns who gives very practical ways to challenge these thoughts or Sarah Edelman's book " Change Your Thinking". 

If you need more help to challenge your thoughts , ask your GP for a referral to a psychologist to help you get the skills .

Also , please don't feel ashamed of this style of thinking as it's not your fault and it is is also super common !  It may be useful to tell your family or your partner  . It may even be that others in your family have experienced the same thing and can tell you what they have tried .. it may be valuable for you to feel you are not alone in this .
 

Peace Seeker said:Hi Dr Kim
I've been diagnosed cPTSD and PTSD from multiple traumas as an adult. Any depressive or anxiety Period in my life has always been preceded by a significantly stressful event.

This is a tough one to be definitive on as I'm not sure that there is enough research in this area to be advising people to eat any way other than "healthy". 

By that I mean getting in the right number of calories and nutrients into your diet each day. My understanding is that as long as you attend to your nutritional needs ( and it seems that you are )it's ok to get them via a vegetarian or a carnivore diet . If you had concerns about things like zinc , omega 3 , B12 , iron in your diet , then you might want to discuss this with your GP or with a dietician to ensure your diet ticks all those boxes.

I suspect that your relapse may unfortunately be an example of a "triggerless" episode of depression. This is not as uncommon as you might think and in my experience many people can't really explain why they feel like they do. In fact it often makes them feel even worse when there is no obvious trigger to " justify" the feelings to themselves. ( not they are under such easy control or need a justification but that's how it can feel ) 

You may never work out exactly why you relapsed at this time and it's frustrating but you might have to just sit with that "not knowing".

You are doing ALL the right things though to get this episode under control and get yourself back on track .

The therapy , lifestyle changes, medications that have worked .. so I suspect that you will gain control again and get back to your life soon enough .

Don't be hard on yourself for having a relapse. Pat yourself in the back for having the resources and skills to identify what is happening and get on to sorting it out . 
 

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm slowly starting to feel better after a depressive episode lasting approximately 6 months.

How can I tell whether this is the result of the medication I've started taking, psychotherapy, or whether the depression is just starting to go away of it's own accord.

Some days I feel as though I'm completely out of the woods and that the last few months have just been my imagination, and then I'll have a few days of feeling really awful. Is this common?

Thankyou,

Ms H

Ms H said:

Hi Dr Kim,

I'm slowly starting to feel better after a depressive episode lasting approximately 6 months.

Hi Ms H,

I am so happy to hear that you are  emerging from your depression. Depression is often multifactorial and so is its treatment. I believe that it was probably not one of the factors that caused your depression to improve but probably a mixture of the medication TOGETHER with psychotherapy TOGETHER with the natural history of the depression just maybe getting better anyway.

The few steps forward and then a step back feeling you have is completely normal. I just hope that during your recovery you improved your skills and resilience  to be able to see it for what it is - a little step back , just a few bad days . There is no need to be panicked by it , just apply some good self soothing and calming strategies and ride it through until it passes. 

The thing is for many people depression doesn’t ever go away completely, it just takes a seat at “the back of the life bus” . This allows you to get back into the drivers seat of your life again .

However , every now and then , it tries to start to move forward and give you a hard time … your job is to look in the rear view mirror , see it coming and know how best to not swerve off the road , or allow the depression to unseat you .

Often , with practise you can develop your confidence at managing the dark presence at the back of the bus and know that ultimately, even though it spooks you from the to time , you won’t give up your drivers seat again. 

You are doing great , don’t doubt yourself but keep up with your therapy and meds and lifestyle work.

HI Dr Kim

im wondering if theres any form of desenatisiation or exposure type thearapy for sexual abuse victims- i dont think i can give to much detail on here about the event but it still haunts me. i had to do a pelvic and abdominal exam the other day and that in itself was extremely hard and theres a chance i might need another one in the near furture so im wondering if theres anything i can do to get a little more comortable with those procedures?

i am not curretly seeing a psychologist but i am seeking a permanent one now as this will be my 4th one. i wont get to see another psych until after these exams are done so i cant talk to them and when i ask a helpline they tell me to speak to my psych so not much help there

any help is appreciated please?

Hi I am in an age care facility and requested to see a psychologist, back in November. It took until April to finally get them to move on it. Now I got a letter from the GP, handed to management, referred to a psychologist. Who wants to charge me $20 per session over the fee medicare reimburse. I was under the impression that I got 6-8 sessions per year free. Who is correct, as I cannot afford the fees here and medication plus psychologist on top. Something is going to give. At least I know I need help and trying to get it. So there is 75% of the battle.

Kanga

Oh sorry when i say ill wait to get a psych until after the exams i am referring to my studies not the physicals

Hi kanga_brumby, this would be a question best directed to Medicare, they would be best placed to let you know what your entitlements are, and they'll have all your details in front of them. 

startingnew said:Oh sorry when i say ill wait to get a psych until after the exams i am referring to my studies not the physicals

Hi startingnew,

There are many programmes for managing sexual abuse.  There are some that work better for some and others for others. 

I am interested that you have tried 4 therapists in the past and not seemed to find a person or a type of therapy that works for you over the long term. I wonder was it the relationship ? Or the type of approach they had ? Or would a support group be better for you?

I think it is it so crucial to feel like you have genuine connection with the person - like they really care , but also that you trust their competency as therapists as sometimes it is rough and you need to trust that they “know what they are doing”.

I am thinking that assuming you may have tried more traditional methods, you may want to look at 2 new but very interesting ways at looking at PTSD treatment . EMDR has a lot of good research behind it but doesn’t on the surface seem to make a lot of sense! It does however seem to work and it doesn’t seem to be difficult for people to do. Every big conference I have been to recently has reports on EMDR and it is far from “ flakey”.

The Richards trauma process is a little more intense and not researched but seems to me to “make more sense” as it works with unconscious resistance. 

Have a look at these sites and maybe read up a bit and see what you think .There is a directory of practitioners at the sites.  Maybe ring one close to you for a chat.

I am just thinking that doing something different might possibly unlock you from the past and allow you to not be haunted by it in your present.

http://therichardstraumaprocess.com/

http://emdraa.org/

You deserve to break free of your own physiology and the old 'warning systems” that keep telling you and your body  that there is danger right now , but it is only really an echo of old trauma from your past. 

My most sincere good luck on this journey.

Hi DR Kim
thak you for getting
back to me
ive been diagnosed
with severe depression, severe gad, severe complex PTSD, health
anxiety and I do have mild social phobia.

Im up to my 4th
therapist yes. So the first one I was with for about 2 months but I
felt like I wasnt getting anywhere with her and I kept having
arguments wit my mum about her even though she refused to want to
help me. My mother only knows about the dog attack and not the sexual
abuse. Iv stopped telling her things as it makes it harder for me as
she doesnt support me anyway.

For the 1st
one although I liked her I felt I was going around in circles and the
constant aruguments with my mother and yes being 20 I shouldnt par
attention to it but I thought it was best.

The second therapist
I quite liked- she sent me to a suicidal prevention program which ive
just completed but during that time her fees have gone up and Im
struggling to afford them despite the medicare rebate and as you know
its only 10 per year.
The third therapist
is through the suicide prevention program and only does short term
therapy so just the program so I didnt have much choice to leave.

The 4th
theraist ive just applied through victims of crime and im hoping to
get a few free session to help me with the SA and to manage it so I
can move forward with this section.

Ive only been doing
therapy since novmber last year but ive been delaing with this stuff
for about 3 -4 years but I didnt know what the diagnoses were.

I was doing just
general therapy and then psychotherapy through the program and then I
was supose to go back to the 3rd therapist and do DBT
therapy.

Hi Dr. Kim,

I'll try to keep this brief, long story-short I feel so lonely and its making me depressed. I am surrounded by people all the time however I still feel so empty inside, like i'm in this sad void that never ends. I regularly go out with people so I don't feel so down, but the whole time I feel like i'm putting on a show by laughing so they don't think anything is wrong. I have talked about my feelings to close friends, and they are the most loveliest of people however I just still feel so sad, I usually cry myself to sleep most nights.

I am unable to maintain relationships and I dont know why... I never act sad when I try to get along with people? I think the fact that I just get used is getting to me? I'm trying my best not to get into a slump but its been getting harder to get out of bed every day to the point where I have been skipping university for no reason at all, because I have no energy even though I probably slept for 10 hours. What do i do?

Confused1998 said:

Hi Dr. Kim,

I'll try to keep this brief, long story-short I feel so lonely and its making me depressed.

You sound like such a lovely person. Trying so hard. I wonder if you are depressed and so feel lonely , or you are lonely and so feel depressed. 

You seem to think its the latter , so lets go with that but it could be the other way around too...

(If it is depression that is blunting your ability to enjoy things in your life, making you feel flat, exhausted and disengaged, then I suggest you speak to your GP about a programme for depression - probably starting with lifestyle changes and therapy at this stage …)

However if loneliness and lack of real connections is the issue then maybe you might need to think about what it is that stops you being a bit more authentic with people. I get the feeling that you feel that your real self would lead to rejection so you have to “act” not sad and “put on a show”. I think this sort of interaction with people does make one feel kind of awful after a while as the connections can feel kind of fake and like they are happening not to you but to a version of you. 

So.. my advice is 

1. See a GP and get a referral to sort out if you have underlying depression which may be making you have negative thoughts or see things in a way that is making feel sad and leafing to you crying at night 

2. Once you work out what the “real” you is - even if its not perfect , then allow your friends to see it. That is going to make it easier for you to be really present with them and not have to put on a show or feel weird about your true self .

This is the work of being open hearted - of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and trusting that you,  although not perfect, are good enough. Its a tough ask if you have depression though , so that why i suggest that you sort that out before you embark on the journey.

Check this out for inspiration 

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
 

Hello DR. Kim thanks in advance for helping me out understanding why I feel this way.

​Long story short I was with a girlfriend we had a baby and she ending up hurting me. Ever since then I've be extremely sensitive with everything. One small thing or someone lashes out at me or anything similiar I feel really upset and down. Even to the point I just cry. Even as I write this message I feel emotional confused. I don't feel happy nor was I feel empty, but for a strange reason I feel like I want to be sad.

If it wasent for my family and my daughter I would of already tried committed to killing myself as I have already thought and planned how I could do that.

But still after that I just feel like I am over reacting being stupid or asking for attention.

I have noticed some days I feel so tired and slow that I cant function properly no matter what I do.

My future for me right now just feels so like it's too long and unnecessary as I believe I don't want to live past 50 to 60.

Sorry for the rant, I just want to know if I can feel happy continuously even if bad things happen.

Jesse

Jesse2 said:

Hello DR. Kim thanks in advance for helping me out understanding why I feel this way.

Hi Jesse, thank you for writing in to me.

I hear from your post that you are pretty crushed by this experience. It seems like your girlfriend really took hold of your sense of self and gave it a good pounding. She hurt you. Getting hurt by people we love is tough. However, it is part of the risk we take when we step into the arena of intimacy… we just might end up with a few bruises or a broken heart .. but the alternative is never stepping in. I applaud you for your bravery.

The sense of self that I’m talking about is super important if we are going to be resilient to crappy things happening to us. That sense that we are good enough , that we have something to offer the people around us , that we have some value to the community , that we are ok people. For feeling that your daughter is going to be enriched and happier for having you in her life than not. 

So I wonder why your sense of self is crumpled right now ?
Is it because it was not really strong in the first place … Or was the blow just enormous ? Or do you think it might be weakened  with depression ? Or maybe a combination of all three ? 

Lets look at self esteem:
 
So many of us are plagued by unhelpful thoughts or feelings  that hold us back from saying the things we want to say , doing the things we want to do or living the way we know we can.  Some of these unhelpful thoughts may even have started way back in our childhoods.

They can be placed there “by mistake” sometimes by family members, teachers or friends. Some parts of us believed these things and now they seem to just be “true”. We might need help to open up the filing cabinets in our brains and sort through what is ok for us to hold on to and what to let go. 

It sounds easy , but its so hard as we get into habits of thinking and habits are hard to break . Thats why speaking to somebody trained in the area will make it easier for you to open up those filing cabinets , hang on to the bits you like and change or let go of the bits that are bothering you.

You don’t need to have diagnosed mental illness to do this process. You don’t need to think that it makes you weak to do this . I would argue that it only someone really strong would take up the challenge to take a good hard look at them selves and sort things out .

Have a look at this Ted talk from Brene Brown . It might feel inspiring to help you to face your  vulnerable side and take on getting help:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

If it is Depression, then I strongly suggest that you get some help immediately for that as it is TREATABLE . You are not being silly or “asking for attention” , you are seeking evaluation. Go to your GP and get a treatment plan. Please let them know of your suicidal thoughts . They won’t “lock you up” but they will take you seriously and give you a safety plan so that you know what to do if the thoughts get overwhelming. 

Please know that you can be happy even in the face of bad things happening. This called resilience and it is a crucial life skill that is not necessarily innate but can be learned. They teach it now in many schools! In fact Martin Seligman has a whole field of psychology based on this :

https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology

I believe that you Jesse CAN turn this around. You can change your story to show your young daughter how people overcome adversity , how they pick themselves up and dust themselves off and move forward. You can be her example of how to be when things DON’T go her way as it is inevitable that sometime in her life it will happen to her . You will be ideally placed to be her best side through those times. 

Find your strength . Nurture and grow your sense of self , treat any depression and find a sense of purpose. One day , you will be ready to bravely step into the arena of life again … and take whatever it throws at you only this time I hope one little girl will be cheering from the side lines .

PS Jesse , for immediate support ring Lifeline on 13 11 14

Hi this is my first time ever talking about this really and that's also sort of the question. I have depression (I think) and have suicidal thought almost daily but I can't tell anyone about it and I cannot get to a doctor or any sort of professional on my own I need to know if there's anything I can do other then just waiting until I'm older and do have the ability to see a professional by myself.

I have just packed my bags and moved from one state to another, it's been three months, and almost everyday in those three months I can't get out of bed, I'm constantly tired, I am eating non stop, I can't stop smoking, I don't like going out in public because I'm scared of the people here, I am petrified being in this house alone. I need someone to talk to, someone to guide me and help my decide what I need to do with myself ☹️

Hi Loatsoul23,

Welcome to the forums and sorry to hear things aren't so great at the moment.  It sounds like you need some ongoing support at the moment, and this thread is designed for one-off specific questions to Dr Kim, our resident GP and counsellor.  We'd suggest you start a new thread in the Welcome area and give our community an idea in the post of how we can best support you.

ZN said:Hi this is my first time ever talking about this really and that's also sort of the question. I have depression (I think) and have suicidal thought almost daily but I can't tell anyone about it and I cannot get to a doctor or any sort of professional on my own I need to know if there's anything I can do other then just waiting until I'm older and do have the ability to see a professional by myself.

Hi there,

I am so glad that you asked this question as there is so much that you can do that might help.

I am thinking that you might be young as you say that you can’t get to a doctor or health professional . If you are and you can’t go because you can’t get there or you don’t have family support to get you there then may be think of a couple of options

1. Talk to someone at your school or Uni or Tafe if you attend that sort of institution . They usually have free access to that sort of thing there so that might be a start. It is confidential and geared to help young people to understand their thinking and find ways though their problems.

2. Look online. People of my generation spend a lot of time bagging the internet and “ screen time” in general but it does have its up side. One is that it can allow people to access quality information and online support if you know where to go.

So if you think you might have depression and are having bad thoughts including suicidal ones I suggest you look at websites like 

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression
https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/depression
https://www.headspace.org.au/assets/Uploads/Resource-library/Young-people/Depression-web.pdf

However the next step is talking to someone about YOUR specific thoughts , feelings,. situation. I suggest calling eHeadspace 
https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

You can talk or email them to get more personalised advice.
Or you can contact Beyond Blue
https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/

Another great service is the REACH organisation
http://www.reach.org.au/we-are-reach/#who-we-are-section

I hope this gives you some leads .. The overall message is - you are not being a drama queen ( or king!) . You are being responsible in looking after yourself and strong in challenging the thoughts and feelings. Don’t ignore it. Talk to someone ..in person , over a phone or on line.

Thanks Kim

i have tried to see the counsler at my school a couple years ago during a really bad stage and then they pretty much forgot about me before I saw him even once and I never heard from them again I can't call anyone to talk to either but I can and will try the websites you linked but this is mainly to add on to my first post with some extra information.

anytime I've tried to talk to someone I've been either turned down or forgotten e.g. My school telling me that I will get to see the professional they have then never talking to me again really or my mum saying she'll try to find if there's anyone I could see then ignoring and forgetting about me other then occasional disgusted remarks about my self harm after these events I don't feel safe telling anyone anything anout me or my feelings this is the first time I've questioned that wasn't in my head I'm not sure what to really do but I will check those websites

thanks again.

both my husband and myself went to the doctors for help but got no where what can i do now?