I read your post and saw the following
feel so useless and like everyone hates me. I just feel like everyone
has these massively high expectations of me and I am failing to live up
I'm no doctor but I think you fell into the same trap as I did. With depression, anxiety and other matters I very much felt a failure, useless and a burden.
The trouble was that I'd applied the expectations one has in normal life when healthy to someone who was ill. To put it simply if you break a leg you can't walk. If you have a mental health conditon then the whole world changes and normal actions become impossible, even small everyday things like brushing your teeth become a steep mountain to climb. Accompanied by tears, worry about how others think of you, employment and your job, the future and all the rest makes for a terrible life.
May I ask if you have proper medical support, a diagnosis followed by treatment, possibly medications and therapy?
If you have please go back and say it is not working, your coping skills with your current uncertain world are pretty much zero.
Of course if you so not have medical support now would be exactly the right time to go to your GP in an extended consultation and say how you have been feeling and what has been happening to you. Ask to have both a physical and a mental health check. I'd expect things would change after the examination.
I never improved, no matter how hard I tried, until I had the proper medical care, and like you a loving partner.
It does not really matter if he understands what is in your head, provided he recognizes you are ill that is enough. My partner did not know to start with I was ill and rather blamed herself. Later she was told the facts and it was not her husband, but the symptoms of the illness that she was facing. By trial and error she found the best things to do for me
She had her mum for support, both with practical things and emotional support. Does your husband have any such support? He will be going though a tiring and worrying time and somebody, a parent or family member perhaps, might be able to help his current load.
My partner never gave up and I got better, now I'm good and those days are in the past.
I hope to talk with you some more