dear Bananie, I'd like to welcome you to the site, and please don't worryabout being eloquent, which you aren't anyway, but there are no 'airs and graces' here, because people have questions they want to ask, or they have problems which are causing them to have depression issues, so they write down whatever they like, and nobody is at all worried.
I would presume that between the years 2011/2013 was definitely a bad time for you, but you were able to overcome it and get a good job, financially stable, plus you have a home, and to achieve all of this means that you should be congratulated, however deep down there is a nagging problem for you that seems to be a continual thought process that is plaguing you.
There are many scenarios, but the way I feel is that once we have had depression, gone through all the horrific periods from mildly low to absolutely extreme being down so low and thinking it will never get any better and then managing to overcome it, we are left with some stigma that it is possible for us to fall down again.
If you have overcome your depression in 2013 and achieved what you have done, you have to remember that it's now 2014, and that's only a short time from being depressed to feeling how you do now, so these thoughts are going to linger around, until they eventually dwindle away, but before I end this reply, can I just give you a thought;
the strength from what you have done will build up, and if by any chance you happen to fall, and please there is shame or harm if this happens, because you can recover once again, but the determination from someone like you should be honoured.
I would love to hear back from you so we can talk again. Geoff.