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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Sad and not dealing with life's issues

Topic: Sad and not dealing with life's issues

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Not dealing with life issues
    Not dealing with life issues avatar
    1 posts
    2 January 2022
    My sadness began with the loss of 3 grand parents my brother in-law and step father in the past 5 years my marriage broke down during all of this ,the main cause is me being a alcoholic ,is why my marriage broke down always angry ,mood swings memory loss and depression which has crippled me most of my adult life the last straw was yesterday for getting done for low range drink driving 0.084 I was at my ex wife's house we were all having a nice day together so I decided to get a few drinks it all changed when I got a little tipsy which for the life of me I'm still trying to piece together as my memory is bad more so when I have been drinking I just feel so sad and ashamed with myself .
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    white knight avatar
    9754 posts
    2 January 2022 in reply to Not dealing with life issues

    Hi, welcome

    Last year we lost my wifes step dad, her mum and her father. I understand.

    I'm not a drinker of alcohol (one cinzano twice a week) is all we have. My Air Force days 17-20yo (I'm 65yo) was my only major drinking period for popularity only.

    But I do empathise with you making one mistake. The question is- can you empathise with yourself for making mistakes? If not then are you being too hard on yourself?

    In these or similar situations we bury our heads and punish ourselves. That isnt a bad thing at all, like grief it takes time to rebound. An outsider like me sees it totally different in that I can visualise 6 moths down the track when you get your license back or maybe looking forward to getting it back, that you'll feel a lot better.

    The saying is "do you cry over spilt milk"? It spilt, it's done!

    My wife's auntie is a reformed alcoholic. Hasnt had a drink in 28 years. In that period she fell out of the whole family over things she said and did. Last year when her sister was in hospital a few days from her passing she visited and made peace with her. Then my wife walked in and she made peace with her. All but two of her siblings has forgiven her. We've now learned that during that 28 years she has studied and became a counselor for alcoholism. AA has been her support for all those years.

    Perhaps you can use this experience to give up the drinking and do it with the support of AA? Turning a negative situation into a positive life changing one is probably the most honourable achievement you'll ever make dont you think? You certainly have the courage as you posted here.

    TonyWK

  3. Sophia16
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Sophia16 avatar
    275 posts
    2 January 2022 in reply to Not dealing with life issues

    Hi,

    Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open. I can see that you are feeling distressed and helpless at the moment.

    Firstly, it is good that you know what you want and you know that you need to improve on yourself.

    It takes a lot of time to get up and start to make a change. You need to be motivated and need to put in the effort.

    Have you considered seeing a psychologist or a counsellor? Sometimes is good to have an outside perspective.

    Stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16219 posts
    2 January 2022 in reply to Not dealing with life issues

    Hello, we all suffer in different ways when we lose someone, some hibernate in sorrow, while others do it another way, that's their way of coping and it may change every time depending on who they have lost.

    A reason to feel sad and ashamed is that your marriage ended and one part of this is that you claim to be an alcoholic and got caught driving driving and then had drinks at your ex-wife's place, something that perhaps shouldn't have happened as this was why your marriage broke to make you feel ashamed and sad, especially for your ex-wife.

    An alcoholic doesn't need any reason why they drink or can make up any excuse so they start without thinking of the consequences and what may lay ahead in trying to repair the marriage.

    Alcohol was one reason why my marriage ended, now I haven't had a drop for over two years and talk as well as see my ex regularly and know that your memory will improve once you stop.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

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