> they've raised themself a lot of the time, even in childhood
Spot on, and very important; people with ADHD (or any ASD) develop a whole forest full of coping mechanisms, some good, some bad, and it's often a miracle if they turned into a person who doesn't struggle in life in some way. It seems the hit rate on that is fairly low, for all of those reasons you mentioned, the lack of understanding and support for people who have a different cognitive and mental mode of operation.
I hate that we're often talking about these things with "mental health" or "on the spectrum", indicating that these things are classified as an issue for *the person* as opposed to for *society* as a whole, but I guess we have to start somewhere. Being on the spectrum signifies a difference, for sure, but shouldn't signify that the difference is a *problem*. I think this is why it became a problem for me; I was tagged as the one with issues, probably from my reactions to the bullying (anger, mostly), so I was sent to a psychologist for years rather than the people doing the bullying. I, even as a child, recognized that I was not the problem they were looking for, but felt, again even as a child, that my opinion on the matter wasn't taken into account (because experts were involved, I assume).
Luckily it was a new expert that came in and made me feel I was being listened to that *actually* resolved the bullying situation, so at least I don't have issues associated with that (experts) as much as a more systematic problem (both in terms of systems as well as knowledge).
> I wish the experts would focus more on the incredible abilities of those diagnosed with ADD
Agreed, there's tremendous potential in there, when promoted and cared for in a world of understanding. The time I've "wasted" on trying to fit in, trying to deal with a world not designed with me in mind, is mind-blowing! And I know I'm definitely not alone. I'm seeing a lot of good representation these days, so there's been a ton of good progress over the years (the support my kids got compared to me is tremendous), even though there's still a lot of work that needs to happen to bring that support and understanding into the world, especially the educational world.
I also recommend everyone go see Hannah Gadsby's special "Douglas" on Netflix, it's the funniest and truest and loveliest and most awesome ASD representation ever! I cried and laughed at the same time through pretty much the whole thing, truly amazing.