I literally have no idea what my MH diagnosis should be. I’m just so so so sick of all of this.
im 33, I have 2 kids. I was not too bad in terms of MH before kids, just got on with it.
now, I’m a headcase. I am depressed & anxious. I have thoughts of suicide.
but the biggest most hellish part is that my thoughts/moods/feelings are so chaotic & disorganised. I will fly from one place to the next. I so so desperately don’t want to be like this anymore, that I will go from wallowing in the depths of hell, then I feel okay for a second and I think okay maybe I’m fine now. I’ll then put off getting help because I’ll be fine for a few days. Then it’s bad again.
i Have disorganised attachment style and when I first found out about that it really explained a lot. I thought “disorganised” is so accurate re my head.
I swear, I am highly volatile. My husband is objectively a good person, he has done nothing wrong. But he has absolutely no idea what to do. He is very emotionally well regulated which I am really happy about for my kids sake but on a purely selfish level it annoys me to live with basically a male Mary Poppins.
my kids are okay, I protect them from the worst of my behaviour now because I am self aware and I do a lot to try and get it out away from them. I get support. My husband helps, my parents help.
my Childhood wasn’t great. Mum very emotionally unavailable and invalidated everything we felt good or bad. Her mum was a violent schizophrenic. Abuse, trauma & MH runs in the family.
can anyone help or offer advice?
im Seeing a new psych this week, just got my MH plan renewed. My previous psych was great but of course after a few sessions I thought I was fine and told her that. Never saw her again and within a. Few weeks I was a mess.