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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Hi.........- struggling with being bullied

Topic: Hi.........- struggling with being bullied

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. AheadMatthewawsome
    AheadMatthewawsome avatar
    3 posts
    14 February 2020
    Hi, I am Matthew. I am 13, and on the Autism Spectrum.

    My goal in life is to Serve The Community, For The Community, And From The Community.

    I want to plan and build stuff for the future of Australia and the world.

    Like the Sydney Transport Revolution Project, which would last until 2100. It would make what transport does simple. Like, Buses take you from your home to the transport hub. Trains take you from the transport hub to the city. Trams would be a hybrid between Buses and Trains. Ferries would take you around not just wonderful Sydney Harbour, but places like Botany Bay, Hawksbury River, Lake Macquarie, and more! And Monorail is for when there is too much underground and on the ground, so go up to the sky!

    But since 2016, life has been a pain for me. It all started with a few words, "kill yourself". By my first major bully back in 2016. I have had bullies at my first school before, which was a school for children with autism. This bully was different. I started to self harm, trying to kill myself, and hauntingly saying "me me, me me, me me wanna die." School during this time would keep me and the bully together during play time. And then he would do it MORE! I KNOW, WHAT A CRAZY IDEA THAT IS!!!!!!!!! Anyways, my mother found out a few days after this started and pulled me out of that school. And then put me into a new school, with some of my old friends from my first school. And things were seeming like it would go back to normal. BOY WERE WE WRONG! I joined ROBLOX in September 2016. I am still on there today, but not active at the moment. Ever since that day, I have been cyberbullied all over the internet. It keeps going round and around and around. Only one person has ever been banned for bullying me. With my Grandmother dying in November 2016. It all mixed together 5 months later to start a disaster which would make things more permanent.
     
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    1528 posts
    14 February 2020 in reply to AheadMatthewawsome
    Hi Matthew,

    Welcome to the forums. Your goal to support others in your community sounds pretty incredible! Writing here is a good start as you are able to connect as well as support others.  Please know that our community is here to help you through any difficult moments. It is very brave of you to share your story here and we are sorry that you’ve experienced a lot of bullying at school and online. We’re also sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. These experiences must have made you feel a lot of different thoughts and feelings which can make things seem very overwhelming. Have you been able to talk to your mum about what you've been through? We hope the forums can be a safe space for you to continue to share your thoughts and feelings.
     
    For more immediate support, we’d suggest reaching out to Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) where you can access free phone counselling services 24/7,  you can also contact them via email or webchat through their website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
     
    We look forward to hearing from you, whenever you feel up to it.
     
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Matchy69
    Matchy69 avatar
    610 posts
    14 February 2020

    Hi Mathew you sound like a great young man with great goals for your future.I have Aspergers and found my self allways being bullied in school.I changed schools but it just started up again.At least when i went home from school i could have a break from the bullying but today it so hard with cyber bullying it is just constantly there.Bullying in any form is unacceptable and am sorry you are going through this.Just remember you have done nothing wrong and the bullies are the one with the problem.This is a good site to come and talk if you want to and the community moderator has made some great suggestions for you to.

    Take care,

    Mark.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. TheBigBlue
    TheBigBlue avatar
    18 posts
    15 February 2020

    Hi Matthew,

    Im sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with being bullied at school & on the internet.

    while I don’t have the exact same experiences as you, I do know what it feels like to be different. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness 34 years ago. I wear 2 medical devices attached to my body 24hrs a day/7 days a week. They keep me alive. They are small & while not everyone notices them, it is impossible to keep the devices completely hidden. Especially when they alarm or beep to indicate I need to take some action.

    So while we all have different problems to deal with, here is a good place to find people who will listen & try to help.

    Do you still post on those other websites? Would it help you if you just stopped visiting those sites for a while.or maybe even left them altogether?

    Please don’t give up on your dreams, it sounds like you have some really big ideas & who knows where you could go with these if you keep working on it.

    For 13 years of age, you are exceptionally well written & expressive. I think perhaps you might have a talent for writing to?

    I hope things can improve for you, but maybe for now you just need to step away from those websites that are causing distress (just for a little while) & see if that helps you feel any better being away from the negativity of other people.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. eight
    eight avatar
    109 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to AheadMatthewawsome

    i remember when i was 13 i worked on this big geography project with six friends and i was organising its transport. made a bunch of trams and drew the stops and stations. i never got to present it though you sound like a very goal-oriented 13 year old. when i was 13 i was trying to come to terms with how i would never hit any of my goals because i was too learning disabled

    most of my experience being bullied was irl but i could jabber on for too long about how i only found True Peace online when i realised i could block any person i thought was annoying or cruel or bigoted instead of suffering them when i was younger it sounded like basic stuff thatd never work but now i'm a three year old who has a love affair with tapping the shiny red permanent shut up button. i've never used roblox - do they have a blocking feature there?

    have you tried to get help irl for your suicidal feelings or self harm? its a wonderful start coming out with it online but i do keep in mind that we're just strangers on the internet and you might be able to find professional help with a school counsellor, if yours has one, or a doctor or other trained people. fighting alla that since you were ten would take a toll on you

    1 person found this helpful
  6. AheadMatthewawsome
    AheadMatthewawsome avatar
    3 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you so much for welcoming me into this wonderful community. I have never felt as much welcomed before! This might just be the place where that cyberbully loop ends after almost 4 years!
  7. AheadMatthewawsome
    AheadMatthewawsome avatar
    3 posts
    15 February 2020 in reply to TheBigBlue

    Hi there. Thank you so much for supporting me!

    It is so wonderful hearing about your story too. I hope you are doing okay, and I really do hope you are doing well!

    I have not played Roblox or used Discord since October 2019, as my parents have forced me out. And it really seems to be permanent. I have also quit Roblox and Discord multiple times. Sometimes on purpose, and sometimes by force. And it does make me feel better with having one of the five weights off my shoulders!

    Roblox and Discord when used properly can be great games/social media apps to use! But it is extremely hard to find them. Because I have gone and joined over 100 groups, looking for a structured, friendly community. 5 of them I created! But they just never work out in the end.

    Roblox and Discord both have reporting and blocking systems. On Roblox, it is very simple to do. But, the block system has a max of 50 users, and sometimes completely malfunctions! And the report system is managed so horribly by the moderators, that it basically does not exist! And when you email them (which I have done before, and this exactly happened.) you get told to do the reporting system. And that still does not work. You can get these fast passes to be the only ones that they listen to. Roblox handpicks them, and they get severely abused!

    Discord has one of the best blocking systems out there. But, you can still read those messages by clicking on the blocked message. And it is too tempting! And I can’t use them too much because those I had to block were always high ranks on the community! And then with Discord’s Reporting system, you have to go to a completely different site! And I did not even know how to for over 2 years after I first joined. And all of the worst bullying went straight passed by then with no evidence! It is also very complicated to fill out. Then when it finally gets filled (which I did in November this year,) you are told to “do it the proper way!” I will be definitely talking about that situation!

    In closing, I will never give up on these goals for my life. Having a disability does give it extra challenges, but it will never stop me from doing what I want to do in life!

  8. TheBigBlue
    TheBigBlue avatar
    18 posts
    18 February 2020 in reply to AheadMatthewawsome

    Thanks for your reply Matthew.

    It’s good to hear that you aren’t feeling so overwhelmed now that you aren’t visiting those sites.

    Unfortunately there are just some cruel people out there in the world. We just have to learn a way to ignore their words & messages & carry on with our lives without caring what they are think.

    if you figure out a way to do this, let us know here in the forums as it might help other people too.

    I’m not sure where in Australia you are but did you know we used to have a Monorail in Sydney? It closed down back in 2013 so you would have been pretty young back then. But we definitely need more transport options in the city. My trains I catch into the city for work are always so crowded!

    Have a GREAT week!

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