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Forums / Anxiety / I’m so horribly unattractive

Topic: I’m so horribly unattractive

  1. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    1 April 2021

    I’m so horribly unattractive.

    my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

    I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

    he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

    I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

    many thanks,

    lots of love,

    PF.

  2. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
    6186 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    hi and welcome to the forums,

    sad to read what you "partner" said to you. Though I would also counter that what one thinks does not count for another person. The other thing I would want to mention is how a person is on the inside counts just as much, if not more than than outward appearances.

    someone also said to me that when a person speaks negatively about or towards another person also says something about that person as well - they are likely to be divided on the inside as well. That is not to make you feel sorry for him, but...

    lastly, and this is something I know, if your mind is telling you that, is it just a thought. Different people have different ways of dealing negative thoughts. One way is just to say thank you to your mind. And it sounds like you also know some of your positive qualities and maybe think of some others?

    2 people found this helpful
  3. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hey PsychedelicFur,

    I'm sure you are really beautiful even if you don't believe it you are and you deserve to tell yourself that and for others to let you know :)

    Compliments are a lot more likely to be true than insults - you said you've had people come up to you and compliment your eccentric clothing and long wavy ginger hair and you so deserve to take those things to heart because when people go out of there way - strangers - to say something nice, they really mean it. It's so much easier to out of spite to tell someone all these fake bad things about them to make them feel bad.

    Can you really believe what a toxic person says anyways? Take this as an example. If they tell you you're a liar - you aren't going to believe them, right? They tell you that you're immature? Of course you aren't - it's them. They are the problem.

    Same applies for your toxic ex and all the things he's said about how you look. There is really nothing wrong with you - what's wrong is the way he's treating you and saying all this stuff for who knows what reason I mean only he really knows that but clearly maybe he's not a good person and it's good you will sparingly be around him anymore I hope!

    Please just know that you are so so beautiful and stunning and I want you to know and believe that because I can tell you are someone who lights up the world :)

    I really hope this is helpful I just want to hopefully shine a light on and let you realise that all those good things about you are true and that your ex is just talking, but that's all it is- meaningless words and even though they can sting they really aren't a reflection of you.

    Hugs xx Take care :)

    2 people found this helpful
  4. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021
    Having a really hard day. Lots of bad thoughts
  5. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    I'm sorry you're having so many bad thoughts PsychedelicFur...

    Is there anything that triggered you to feel like you're feeling? Or is it just 'one of those day'?

    You are enough, and you are beautiful, and I hope you can learn to love yourself for that. You deserve to give yourself some self love, especially dealing with others in your recent past who haven't offered you that...

    Take care xx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]

    Hello there Jumpy Jellyfish :-], how are you? I hope you are well.

    thank you so much for the lovely words. Finding it hard to believe it at the moment. It’s my toxic ex’s birthday today and it’s hard for me at the moment. It is just one of those days. Just feeling so emotional at the moment. hope you have had a nice day.

    thank you,

    PsychedelicFur xxx

  7. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PS~

    I think we have talked together before and my impression of you was there was a divide between you and some others, this came about due to greater maturity for your age, and an appreciation of earlier styles of music and clothing, taken all together making you a unique person who sounds a pleasure to know. There was no mention of less than good looks.

    I'm glad this person is an ex and you no longer have to be with them, however toxic verbal digs do linger on, and when down become more believable than they merit. They are designed to hurt, and aim for places where most are vulnerable.

    It may sound like an oversimplification but please keep an eye out for one that habitually builds you up, an essential in any worth-while partnership

    The other thing is while I have no idea of your looks, after all you are print on page, I do know an inner shine of happiness and love trumps just about anything.

    Perhaps the Beatles might help: "Ain't she sweet", "Here comes the sun" or "I saw her standing there", better than "Eleanore Rigby" to change the mood, maybe turn your thoughts in new directions.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  8. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hey PsychedelicFur,

    I'm doing ok, thank you for asking. Sending the best wishes for you

    I understand, it's not easy to believe the positive things are true when our mindset says otherwise... just know that all those wonderful qualities about you are real and true, and even if you don't believe it at the moment you will come to with time and healing :)

    Today sounds like it's been difficult for you but I do agree with Croix that it's for the good of you that your ex is your ex, and even though today might be tough and emotional tomorrow is a clean slate for you to not let someone so toxic leave traces behind. It is ok to be emotional - this is hard - but this person deserves no place in your life and you don't deserve that either. You are so much more worthy than that xx

    1 person found this helpful
  9. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hello there Croix, hope you have had a lovely evening. How are you?

    First and foremost, thank you enormously for the lovely words. Appreciate it greatly. I truly do.

    Those songs you listed are some of my favourites. In fact I have Eleanor Rigby as my ringtone. Favourite Beatles song of ALL TIME. Something about it is comforting. Something about it is soothing and numbs the darkness of my current situation. What are your favourite songs from that era? Or what was an album that helped you through the tough times?

    Yes, I am glad I’m not with him either. But his words still do linger on.

    Psychedelicfur

  10. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]

    Thank you Beautiful one. I have read that you have been having a difficult day. Hoping you are ok.

    here if you need to talk.
    PsychedelicFur xxx

  11. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    Thank you so much Smallwolf for your lovely words. Much appreciated.

    You speak wisdom. For sure!!

  12. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Thank you - it means a lot that you care :)

    Things are hard sometimes but I'll be okay. Hope you are alright too xx

    1 person found this helpful
  13. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]

    Things are difficult at the moment. It’s ok to have ‘off’ days. It means a lot that you respond to my threads too. I appreciate it, enormously.

    Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. I hope you have done something nice for yourself today.

    thinking of you Jumpy Jellyfish :-]

    PsychedelicFur xxx

  14. jumpy jellyfish :-]
    jumpy jellyfish :-] avatar
    272 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Yeah, we just gotta try our best to work through things I guess.

    No problem, it's great to be able to communicate on these forums. There's no pressure or anything, and you know it's people being genuine and I thank you tremendously for talking to me too I appreciate it.

    Wishing the same happiness upon you :) Haven't been the kindest to myself today I'll admit, but tomorrow can be a fresh start. You've had a rough day too, so I suggest you do the same - tomorrow, today will just be history.

    Take care xx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    2 April 2021

    I didn’t wish him a Happy Birthday.

    I stuck to my guns!!!!

    1 person found this helpful
  16. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
    6186 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to jumpy jellyfish :-]
    Hi JJ and PF,

    Down days are inevitable. At least for me. Remember these days can also help to finding a new way to the top of the mountain. And that going down into a valley only lasts for so long cause at some point you are going upwards again.

    At the same time there have been occasions when going down into the valley I gone down further into a cave. Or so it felt. But even that ends somewhere going out into sunlight.
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    2 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    As you asked a quick answer:-

    From black feelings -> good, (no use playing 'pleasant' music in a black or hopeless mood, needs to match)

    Paint it Black (Stones) -> Eleanor Rigby (Lennon–McCartney) -> Windmills of Your Mind (LeGrand/Bergman) -> Gods Away on Business (Waits) -> Via Con Me (Conte)

    As for albums: the 5 LP New World Entertainment set of Tour of Duty and the 2 CD Gongo Music release of Blade Runner.

    Between these I can normally find something to fit the mood though some of the more psychedelic Beatles pop in as well.

    Croix (theme Tune: I am the Walrus Lennon–McCartney)

    1 person found this helpful
  18. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Wonderful!!!! I love I am The Walrus... great superb song!!!!!

    wonderful choices. Tasteful variety!!

    PsychedelicFur’s theme tune - ‘She’s A Mod’ by Ray Columba & The Invaders or ‘Soul Bossa Nova’

  19. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    I tend to look up the lyrics of music mentioned here, and mistyped in some way because I ended up with the Muppets' version of "Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear (Newman via Scooter and Fuzzy Bear:) on YouTube

    Not what I intended but fun.

    I rather like your Theme Tunes and well remember the Mods and Rockers on their Nehru jackets and scooters vs greasy hair, leather jackets and motor bikes. I've always stopped to listen to that Quincy Jones piece, it is alive and fun.

    Do you find as both of your themes are cheerful that always suit your mood?

    As for I am The Walrus, it's appropriate having both a walrus and a policeman in it together with other references, and would you believe was banned from the BBC at first (which sealed my choice as a result:)

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  20. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Great tunes. Thank you Croix for the lovely response!! I looooove The Muppets so much. Oh my!!! I love Swedish chef and Zoot the saxophonist. There is a great video on YouTube of The Muppets singing ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ with the fabulous Elton John.

    Feeling a bit sad. Just lots of negative thoughts occurring about my toxic relationship. hope everyone is doing well today.

  21. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10938 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Dear PsF~

    Fancy mentioning Zoot and omitting Janice!

    Of the Muppet Mashups I guess my favorite is their version of God's away on business (Waits via Cookie Monster)

    It's natural to have mixed feelings, to regret decisions and blame oneself, even miss aspects of a toxic relationship. A large part of your life though hopefully now a closed chapter. NOT sending birthday greetings is a healthy sign.

    You cannot change the past, however it has given you another layer of wisdom and more capability for the future.

    In the meantime I've found distraction does help.

    May I ask what you can use to take your mind off things?

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  22. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Ohhh true Janice!!!!! My mistake. How could I forget Janice???

    ANIMAL though!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥁🥁🥁🥁

    I’m a little bit better now. Been watching videos.

  23. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    16230 posts
    3 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hello PF, can I backtrack just for a moment, but pleased you didn't wish him a Happy Birthday, proud of you.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hello there Geoff,

    Croix and I were just speaking about favourite albums and songs that are our theme tunes.

    tempted to wish my ex a ‘Happy Easter’ but I am not going to. Miss him. I shouldn’t speak to him though... he treated me horribly. So I won’t speak to him. The temptation is strong though, unfortunately.

  25. missep123
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    1051 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Hi PsychedelicFur,

    This is my first time jumping on this thread but from what I have read it sounds like you have such cool style and I am loving your vibes! I also love your profile picture. It's so sad that they said this to you, like others have said I really think that it says more about the person than you. You deserve the absolute best!!!

    1 person found this helpful
  26. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to missep123

    Thank you so much missep123, how are you? I hope you are well. Happy Easter to you.

    Much appreciated for the lovely comments.

    I miss him but he is so toxic. I do deserve better but I am worried I won’t get that in my life, haha!!

    Have a wonderful day, my profile picture matches my aesthetic and my name on here. I love your picture. It’s very cute.

    all the best,

    PsychedelicFur

    1 person found this helpful
  27. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    14353 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to PsychedelicFur

    Psychdelic fur,

    I think we spoke on another thread but having an individual style.

    many people have offered you supportive suggestions here.

    I like to live in a world of colour and differnece, not a world where every one is the same.

    I know men and women who exude so much confidence that they become attractive.

    Most of us will never be airbrushed film stars . I am much older than you and instead of complaining of how I look now I want to embrace it.

    You add so much to the forums with your own style.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to quirkywords
    You are correct Quirkywords. Thank you!!
  29. Sean S
    Sean S avatar
    41 posts
    4 April 2021

    Hey PsychedelicFur!

    What an extraordinarily immature and lame thing that he did. Showing you a picture of bikini models!? It could have been motivated by his own insecurity (like others have said below). We are all riddled with deep insecurities and some people act this out pathologically, through insults etc.

    Other people's assessments should be treated as potentially true at best, taken with a mountain of salt. We tend to assume they are true and internalize it; it's so difficult not to. I always ask myself 'Is the criticism coming from someone I know to be wise, honest and moral'?

    You know what's unattractive? Lack of character.

    Physical attractiveness is pretty darn subjective, and in the eye of the beholder.

    Totally get the lingering feelings though, and the urge to text. Well done for resisting.

    I loooove psychedelic rock (from the 60's to now). If you have more suggestions please lord share them! 'She's a Mod' that guitar in the middle, sooo good. Totally new gem for me.

    Here's my favs, from old to new :

    The Doors (duh), Grace Slick (duh), Count Five (Psychotic Reaction, Pretty Big Mouth), Blue Cheer (Peace of Mind, Good Times are so Hard to Find), Shocking Blue (Send Me a Postcard)

    New stuff: BJM (Anemone, Servo), The Sonic Dawn (Summer Voyage), Tash Sultana (Jungle), Tame Impala (Elephant: see Wiggles version! Hilarious)

    Sean

    1 person found this helpful
  30. PsychedelicFur
    PsychedelicFur avatar
    337 posts
    4 April 2021 in reply to Sean S

    Hey Sean, thank you so much for the lovely comment.

    I love sixties psychedelia like Cream, The Doors, Grace Slick, Vanilla Fudge, 13th Floor Elevators. And more recently of course Tame Impala... I love Elephant by The Wiggles. 🎶Fruit salad, yummy yummy....🎶 HILARIOUS!! Such a laugh. I also love The Babe Rainbow which is more modern. And early Pink Floyd, known formerly as The Tea Set with Syd.

    Yes, he showed me photos of a girl on Instagram that he followed. And then once I was in the car with him and he said some girl was ‘hot’ because she had all of these tattoos.

    he always told me that I overdressed and I tried to hard with my patterned bell bottoms and my other ‘extravagant’ vintage clothing.

    Unfortunately, I miss him. Because he made me believe that I was so unlovable and nobody will ever want me due to me being so ‘childish’ and strange with my choices in clothing.

    I’m very confused.
    PSYCHEDELICFUR

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