Like many people, I find myself struggling with my own mental health as of recent. I have been trying to self rationalise why that is the case, what lead me here and how its become what it is. Lifestyle changes, Covid lockdowns, amongst other factors no doubt, are all relevant to the question.
How do you describe it? Is it a feeling, a thought, an emotion, or a collection of all three? I find it best described as almost like being out of equilibrium with your baseline sense of feeling. Needlessly feeling an impending sense of distress or dread, that ebbs and flows, and at times can spiral, no matter how much you want to fight it. Why? That's the million dollar question, there's no observable, or logical reason, it just is. Ordinarily this could be self managed I believe, however the physical symptoms and frequency are what make it harder to manage from someone untrained to deal with their own mental discomfort.
The chest tightness, the trembling limbs, sensations of tingling, intermittent hot flashes, and de-realisation, which I'm sure you have all been there, or felt something similar. The worry of when they will come next, will they come when you are at work? Will they jeopardies your relationships? Will they never stop coming? And the worry spirals. Oh and don't forget the impending sense of the heart attack, which no matter how many times you go through it, never comes, thankfully haha. Funny that, it never comes, yet you feel the same way each time, well at least you know what it isn't for next time!
As an individual with no history of mental health issues, or significant clinical triggers, it has taken me by surprise. "It wont be me, I've always been stronger than that, I have mental resilience" That's what you tell yourself at first, and then you finally come to the realisation it never mattered, how "strong" you perceived yourself, mental health is not something you can brute force or totally prevent. You can only mitigate it, as best as you understand how.
Ultimately this realisation has led to me to search for answers, self diagnosis is never the right option, as such seeking out a professional is going to be the next step. The most frustrating part, funnily enough, is not that likelihood of having some form of mental health issue, but that not knowing what it is, or why it is, only what it might be. I believe some sense of catharsis will come from identifying it clinically.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, we're all gonna make it!