Im so sorry you are going through this………. I totally understand what you are going through it’s horrible! I used to do all the things you are describing……..
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety OCD……. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist……… OCD is a vicious cycle….
The good news is I’m now recovered and have been for the past 4 years! Thanks to the help I received from health professionals…..
My recovery started from seeing my gp we did a mental health plan together, my gp also put me on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety….. I also saw a clinical phycologist and a psychiatrist who diagnosed me this then led me to a clinic that specialised in OCD…… I did a group therapy at this clinic this is where I learned to master my OCD! The therapy I did was an intervention into the OCD it was metacognitive therapy this clinic changed my life! I learned what my OCD cycle was and I learned how to disengage from the OCD cycle…… I’m now free of it and I’m flying…… I learned so many strategies at this clinic I use them in my everyday life…… I’m for ever grateful that I was able to do this therapy… it took time to practice the skills I was taught and a lot of perseverance…
I used to google symptoms aswell but I learned that this was part of my OCD cycle and I now no longer do this……. Please try to stop doing it because it only makes things worse…
Try to practice meditation, I believe meditation got me over the line… we aren’t our thoughts but the watcher of our thoughts….
When you see a psychologist please ensure you see a clinical psychologist a normal psychologist can’t diagnose….
This condition is very treatable! If I can recover there is HOPE that you can too…
Ive written two threads
Someone who had OCD and recovered
Effective treatment for OCD Metacognitive therapy
Please have a read
I learned one of my compulsions were reassurance seeking I no longer do this…..
Im here to chat to you, please ask me any thing