Dear A sad boy~
Welcome back to the Forum, while it is good to hear from you again I'm sad about the circumstances that made you think of returning.
I guess there a couple of things which you probably have thought of for yourself, however hearing them from someone else might help.
The first is that human beings basically need to have their feelings returned, it's only natural. If you like someone and they do not like you back, then in time you get to feel unhappy about the one-sided relationship.
Of course having a preoccupation with a celebrity is not all bad, in fact I'd say it is more of a sliding scale, after all movie stars, sportspeople and tons of others have followers. It is how this affects the lives of their fans that is important.
There are of course are all one-sided relationships.
In your case I remember that not only have you been crying for weeks over something that happened to one of the people you followed but even for a moment thought of taking your life. I don't have ot tell you this is not good!
The other thing is the people you admire are distant, and you only get to see one side of them, the side they present to the public. How they are in real life is hidden from you, and if you are like most fans you may fill in the blanks with fantasy - that is to say how you want them to be. So they end up in your mind as ideal people.
I'm sure you realise that if you invest so much time and emotion on unattainable people then you have less for others in real life, in fact it can probably become a way of life, with you avoiding real interactions as you are not comfortable with them.
As you have asked for suggestions I've two, and I"m afraid neither is easy
First limit your viewing to a short time each month - 30 minutes seems terribly small, but wil certainly help you put matters in more perspective
The second is to concentrate more on the real, joining societies perhaps, trying ot make freinds, volunteering and meeting people - I would think you could come up wiht lots of alternatives. The idea being to become comfortable and enjoy the here and now.
Sometimes trying to do things like this by oneself is extra hard, is there anyone you can talk to, set out your aims and get encouragement during the hard times when otherwise you might falter?
Please also remember that even if at first you do not succeed practice will make it easier.
Please let me know what you think