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Forums / BB Social Zone / Have you ever felt this way?

Topic: Have you ever felt this way?

  1. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    6 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,  So sorry to hear your terrible news. Hang in there mate. Thinking of you. Ring Beyond Blue if you need to. Keep in touch, I can reply, as you can see, didn't realize. Hope to hear from you soon! Try to keep your chin up. I know it's not easy. BB cares about you, TMB does too. Take care and all the best. Really looking forward to hearing from you. (Big cyber hug).  Your good friend TMB


  2. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    6 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy


    Thank you for being a good friend to me - it was the second time I have cried reading your message. It is a great help to me that on here people having been showing me that they care. It means a lot to me to know this. It was a long night. I had to break it to my little man this morning and he was really sad. Today will be a day of distraction - I have been keeping it together for him. 

    I hate myself for having to have my boys deal with someone deserting us  twice in two years. Me, I am only hurt by the lack of honesty. By the looks he has moved on already, it will be done when he collects his belongings. I was surprised that my sister has been a little supportive and wasn't surprised at my mother's response. 

    Things will be tough for awhile, but I am trying to regroup and from some advice on here will try and move forward the best I can.

    It's sad when you think that you thought you knew someone and it turns out that you never knew them at all.

    Thanks for the cyber hug - it was needed.

    Friendship matters,

    Indra x

  3. vicman
    vicman avatar
    11 posts
    6 June 2015
    Hi, great question, and the answer from me is a big YES. I have for as long as I can remember been a bit of a loner; that is to say I enjoyed there company of my wife and kids and that was all I ever needed. I had very few friends and didn’t really enjoy the company of extended family. When my marriage came crashing down and all the kids did a runner I felt very lonely, my solution was to go to public places and enjoy the people around me. I still after all these years find that is my best way of getting “companionship”. I talk to whomever I choose if and when the situation arises and also have the choice of not talking to anybody. I hate clubs and social events where I’m expected to mix; give me a beach or shopping centre anytime. Each to their own of cause, if you need more than I do try joining a group of people that share an interest like cooking, dancing or photography.
  4. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    6 June 2015 in reply to Indra
    Hi Indra, hope you and kids are going well. I am good. Write back when and if it suits you. Am concerned about you and your situation. Can't write much. All the best, TMB  Stay strong!
  5. Mz13114
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Mz13114 avatar
    30 posts
    6 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Thanks for the encouragement. I have been struggling with a bit of inertia today and yesterday. Finally heard from my daughter and am relieved that she is taking things seriously and getting some good help. Even my partner has noticed a change with me and of course I get fearful and worry myself into doing nothing for a bit.

    So far I've done well with school and I hopefully have a job soon. So many things are changing after isolating for so long. It's so tempting sometimes to slink back to my solitude. My son's partner has been a real inspiration for me and she has helped me more than she will ever know.

    Looking forward to getting my tatt. Still working on what I want but getting there. Thanks for being here.


  6. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    6 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Trying to stay strong - today has not been an easy one. My little Jack bear was feeling it and expressing himself - hard on a 4 year old and I haven't even begun how to think of dealing with my older son when gets home. 

    I feel bad for interrupting your weekend - but thankyou. 

    I know time will make it easier and I am trying to switch off from thinking about it.  Night time is always hard - you are more alone with your thoughts then. I think I'll try and zone out with a movie or 3 and try and force myself to eat something. 

    Take care and hope you enjoy your time away.


  7. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    7 June 2015 in reply to Indra
    Hi Indra, Hope it goes well with your two sons. No, you haven't interrupted me at all, truly! Yeah, blitz out those empty nightimes with a movie, even dust off Holy Grail!? Please try to eat, if possible. Maybe yoghurt as it's easy to stomach and it's nutritious. How's your sleep going? Get some tonight. Am enjoying hol, nice drive in the countryside. All the best Mon Ami  TMB
  8. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    7 June 2015 in reply to vicman
    Hi vicman and Mz, hope you are both well. Thanks for your posts. Will respond in a few days. Take care and all the best. TMB
  9. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    7 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Thanks for checking in - sleep is eluding me at the moment and starting to develop a lovely shade of raccoon. 

    I ended up watching XMen origins - Wolverine and the Game of Thrones - wasn't really up for light hearted stuff.

    Ended up with good old reliable toast - unfortunately I can't have a lot of dairy - so it was something. I have a weekend off in a fortnight, which I am not actually looking forward to now. A drive actually sounds like a good idea. At least I can sing without hurting any body's ears.

    Mein freund safe travels to you


  10. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    7 June 2015 in reply to Indra
    Hi Indra,  Thanks a lot for y
  11. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    7 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Not sure what happened in cyberland - only the first line came through on your post.

    Long day - but hanging in there


  12. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    8 June 2015 in reply to vicman

    Hi vicman,

    Thanks very much for your great reply. I could identify a lot with what you said. I too tend to be a loner and I think it comes from my father who isolated himself as well. It's a bit strange as I quite like people but still, old habits die hard I guess.

    I don't like pubs and clubs much anymore either. I can't really drink, due to my medication, which is probably a blessing in disguise. That's a fine idea, supermarkets are a good place to mix with people. Same as cafes. I really like the beach too but don't get there too often theses days. I used to love bodysurfing when younger.

    Thanks for your other suggestions, i.e. to join a photography group etc, it makes good sense. I have made friends here at Beyond Blue which has been terrific! but one needs, if possible, some "in the flesh" friends too.

    My real problem all along has been this depression which has affected me to the extent that I couldn't mix with many people until it subsided. It is doing so now, so I can be more open and friendly with others.

    Thanks again for sharing and for your advice, much appreciated.


  13. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    8 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    How are you, mon ami? Good I hope! And the boys, how are they? I've been thinking about you guys (and your situation) a lot over the weekend so please don't think of yourselves as being alone!

    Sorry I couldn't send you better replies but I was using my phone which finally spat the dummy and sent that one line post! Now, at home, I have the luxury of my computer. So, if you don't mind me asking, what have you been up to? Feel free to talk as little or as much as you like.

    I had a good weekend away. Nothing startling just took it easy. Went for a drive in the country, went for a few walks and ate out once or twice. I watched a lot of rugby league on the telly and my team won convincingly. Yay! Now, I'm back at my place and ready for a session on the BB forums Ha ha! The friend, that I stayed with, said to send you a big hug and wish you all her best.

    Plenty of good food and sleep is most important, as you are well aware, so I do hope you are getting enough of them. Do you have a busy week planned?

    Well that's about all I can think of to write, right now. Please take care and look after yourself. I know you will. There are lots of people who care about you and the boys. Looking forward to your next, great post. YANA! (you are not alone!).

    All the best (Cyberhug!)


  14. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    8 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Mein Freund - thank you for thinking us. I have gotten some sleep and eaten a little - I had to give in to my body there.

    All good - I appreciated that you still checked in even though you were on  your weekend away. Lil' man is still confused -that part breaks my heart. I feel like I have failed him and his brother, but I am there for them and as long as they have a constant in their lives we will get there.

    Tomorrow he is collecting his stuff, but I am making sure that I am not here (stuff is outside), I couldn't handle it at this point and don't want it to come to a confrontation.

    I never get to use my laptop - little one always hijacks that - so phone it is. That's why I apologize for typos - auto correct and little keys.

    I'm happy that you enjoyed your time away. Even simple driving trips and doing not much can be just as enjoyable as a whirlwind voyage. Your rugby league team winning is just the icing on the cake!

    Many thanks to your friend for the hug and best wishes - please pass this on to her xo

    The week ahead is busy for which I am glad. Sorting out some of this mess, and the usual school and kindy run. Also have the mental health nurse visit for my baby - hopefully this can help him some more.

    Thanks TMB - at least on BB I am not alone. It is dawning on me now that I am going to be alone for along time out here - I think that is just a reality I have to learn to deal with.

    Cyber hug back at you 🙅🙅


  15. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    8 June 2015 in reply to Mz13114

    Hi Mz,

    Very happy to hear from you again. I've been away 2-3 days in a small town up near the countryside. Didn't do a lot, went for walks and drives, ate out a bit and relaxed watching the footy.

    You sound like you are going really well. That's great! But as you say, it is tempting to drift back into solitude and inertia. However, I think your self-awareness, here, is very powerful and might keep you from slipping back,

    Your partner has already noticed a positive change in you and you have gotten solid support from your son's partner. This sounds excellent. This reinforcement, I think, will help you to improve. Added to your intelligence and new found motivation there'll be no stopping you! Wonderful too that you may get work soon.

    I think you'll really appreciate the self-esteem book if you decide to get it. It teaches you how to protect and handle attacks to your self-esteem either by yourself or from others. You build up an arsenal of defensive manoeuvres to keep your self-esteem high and healthy. I'm raving a bit, sorry lol. Anyway, I won't mention the book again so rest easy lol.

    Well great to hear from you again. Good luck with the job. Oh, and one last thing that I'd like to share with you, which helps me a good deal, is to live in the present moment. As much as possible and to enjoy it. Not always achievable but a good guide for everyone, I think.

    Looking forward to your reply and hearing about your tatt.

    All the Best


    P.S. Great to see your daughter is getting good help.

  16. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    9 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Mon ami, so glad you are eating and sleeping a bit more. Please keep it up!

    Terrible to see your lil' man confused, it is heartbraking. But please don't blame yourself. As you say you are a constant, a valuable, worthy, beneficial constant in their lives.

    You're sensible to avoid a potential conflict, I think.

    So, you use a phone for posting, lol I couldn't!

    I'm happy you are glad to be busy this coming week. Better than being idle eh? I hope the mental health nurse can help lil' man some more too.

    You're not alone on Beyond Blue. And with your vibrant, compassionate personality, you are very likely to meet new friends out there. It just takes time.

    I am going well, hope you are too.

    Cyber hug to you


  17. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    9 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Well, I  had myself all prepared today only for him to be a no show! Round 2 tomorrow. There are plenty of things for my little one and I to do around the town. My older son came home this afternoon and even though he is limited verbally - it was like he knew that something was different. He hasn't been upset by it so far. (I just got grief from his father via the school grrrr)

    I am trying not to be too negative - I had a down moment  this afternoon sitting at home by myself. I ended up taking a drive and parking by the water - with Rammstein on of course! Music certainly can be a mood changer.

    I had some positive support in the strangest of places today - Centrelink and the bank. The lady at the bank gave me a few laughs - it was a nice change. I haven't laughed for awhile - 

    Onward and upward is a phrase I use a bit - I think I should listen to myself sometime!

    I am forever grateful for the support on here. The down moment was actually thinking about the lack of support from my family. They only live 45 mins away - but none of them have physically come to see me. To my parents I have always been the intellectual screw up - I remember my Dad actually saying to me "You are the intelligent one but you make poor choices". Nothing like a back handed compliment.

    So I guess it is up to me to dig deep and try and do the best that I can - even when I feel that some hope is lost.

    I am glad it this is not my old phone - it was very, very basic lol 

    Oh and thank you I have never been called vibrant before ☺

    Must go and psych myself up again and be prepared - they are both unsettled night time at the moment. 

    Mein freund cyber hug back at you 🎭☕🆙


  18. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    10 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Good luck for Round 2, a no show eh? That would put me off a bit. I'd be wanting to get it over with. You too, I bet. That's great that you and lil' man can do many things around the town. Have you any favourites you like to do?

    Grief from his father via the school...if it suits, would you like to tell more?

    You're right, music can really change the way you think and feel. Ramnstein on the water sounds excellent!

    I can understand that you haven't been too jolly of late. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be laughing more soon, as time goes by. This might make you chuckle - the look on my psychiatrist's face when I first tried to explain my interest in Beyond Blue today. I ummed and aarghed, searching for an answer and he just looked at me quizzically. They are good at that! I laughed about it ...later on.

    That's a shame your family isn't more supportive of you. You could certainly use some more support. Your father's comment, I reckon, is an opinion and doesn't take into account the efforts you have made in your life to do the best you can.

    I think you will dig deep and things WILL improve. Hope springs eternal as they say.

    Vibrant eh? How about rich? Rich in spirit!

    Look after yourself, mon ami

    cyber hug


  19. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    10 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Today was a day of mixed emotions - closure to something that will never really be closed. Things are gone and him too. I know in time I will realise that it's for the best, but it still stings. On a positive at least I can park my car back into the carport. 

    There a few playgrounds and parks around the town, with a large one near the river, which miniman loves. He also likes shopping - which is an ulterior to try and collect more Ninja Turtles - I do cave in from time to time.

    My first ex - the violent one - is always on the defence. The custody battle went for 3 long and nasty years and he is still trying to be controlling. The end result didn't go to how he had planned and he spent a lot of someone else's money in the process. He tries to domineer my son's disability principal and fortunately she doesn't take any of his crap. A plus for me, is that I get along famously with her!!

    Oh to be a fly on the wall to have seen the look on your psychiatrist's face - you think they would have been more encouraging. It is a good thing that you were able to express that. 

    It's a funny thought - I have read some of your other posts, I forget sometimes that this is a public forum. I feel like I am intruding on other people's conversations, then remember people read mine lol

    The other positive thing that has happened a couple of friends have come out of the woodwork to see how I am - it was a nice gesture. My mother on the other hand, rang to check on me tonight, but said straight off the bat didnt want to hear any of my issues. She also bagged my sister (a shocker) so I knew she must have been in a bad mood.

    Hope springs - I am waiting for the geiser! Might as well shoot for the stars.

    I am trying to look after me mein freund,  I hope you are looking after yourself as well.

    Later for now and cyber hug for you too

    Indra 🌠🌟⭐

  20. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    11 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Please excuse my flippancy but you got the car port!...Alright! And just how many Ninja turtles has lil' man got? (An important question for someone who's a bit jealous! lol)

    You have certainly been in the wars mate. It must have been very traumatic going through 3 years of a custody battle! You are certainly not a stranger to adversity...And the way you get along with your son's disability principal is terrific. This would help things a lot, I imagine.

    That's great you had a visit from some of your friends, that would have made you feel better. Did you do anything special with them? That's a shame your mum was in a negative frame of mind when she rang. Do you get on with her normally or is it mostly battle stations?

    So, please tell me how are you going? How did you go today? Did you have a good one? How is the eating and sleeping going? Well, I hope. How are the boys? So many questions! (Don't feel you have to answer them! only if you feel up to replying)

    I'm exactly the same as you with regard reading other people's posts. When I do it, if I know them, it feels a bit invasive of their privacy but forum rules say it's okay to do so and as you say others read yours. It's funny too, reading other people's (that you know) posts because it gives you more of an idea of the person they are, you're seeing them from another perspective, different from the one you have yourself. (Does that make sense?)

    Hope might seem a bit dark at present but I'm sure things will pick up for you. You can't hold a great person down for too long!

    Well mon ami I better go, trust all is going okay for you. Bon chance! with everything!

    I am traveling okay.

    cyber hug to you


  21. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    12 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Firstly - miniman has a lot of Ninja Turtles in various shapes and sizes - including quilt cover and posters. He has just started to collect "the bad guys". The obsessiveness is part of ASD. He also has a few Avengers things too - very much a boy!!!!

    Adversity isn't the word! I have now, through people I know found out my ex was publicly bad mouthing me on social media - I wasn't happy to say the least. I have shown maturity and not stooped to that level. It isn't worth it.

    I had two friends call in for coffee this morning - don't see anyone - but when it rains it pours. It was uplifting just to talk. My parents are calling in soon - that should be joyous lol They haven't been supportive in the least. It's not anything new unfortunately. They are like this with my older brother as well.  Attention revolves around my sister and her family. {She never moved away from the place that they all live}

    Sleep is still elusive (have read this is the same for you), and my little one wasn't well last night and the older one is still plotting on how to get out. Hence, very light sleeper. Eventually my body will just shut down one night! I paid for eating regular amounts yesterday - ended with severe indigestion - must learn to introduce it slower.

    I am still going through different stages at the moment - angry is one. I also started contemplating be alone for a long time - I know I have said it before - but it dwells on my mind quite a bit. Still a bit teary - I know such a girl lol and also using humour to get me thru' as well.

    As for questions - my motto is "if you don't ask, you don't know". I am ok with it - hope you have been travelling well and by the sounds things for you have taken time, but definitely heading in the right direction.

    Well I am off to clean up the trail of destruction from a 4 year old - very groundhog day with that one.

    Question - was curious with the BB moniker - do you ride or does it hold a different meaning? Mine is the main character's name in the fiction I am writing - she is the heroine - maybe one day!

    Travel light and travel safe mein freund,

    Cyber hug back at you!


  22. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    13 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Haven't got a lot of good energy happening at present. Need a few days to recharge the batteries. Sorry about that. Hope you're doing well. Talk soon.

    TMB  (a character in the 1983 movie Rumble Fish)

  23. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    15 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    Well I'm back in black! Sorry I had to duck off like I did but I wasn't a happy chappy and really needed a break.

    Thanks for your reply. I certainly agree with you in not retaliating for your ex's behaviour. It probably wouldn't achieve much and only prolong your ill feelings.

    So you have had some friends rock around, excellent. So, how did it go with your parents?

    Has your sleeping improved? Mine has but I need to be careful. I tend to get revved up doing things at 3am every morning. On the computer or playing chess, it's crazy I know. And then I wake each morning around 8 or 9. I need to wake up, period. lol.

    I tend to eat quickly with no side effects, yet! but you need to watch it and avoid any indigestion.

    That's good you are using your SOH to cope with the seriousness of things. I get angry too at times but it is getting better. I'm sure you will overcome these difficulties and won't be alone for too long but we know there are no steadfast guarantees.

    My 2-3 day mini holiday really did me good. Before I was run down and had no spark or mental energy. I just felt flat. I realize I have to take it easier  re: what I am doing with my time. Get the balance right.

    During my downtime I purchased 3 new blu-ray movies..."Shame", "Black Snake Moan and "Birdman" the last one being the Academy Awards winner for Best Picture 2015. Am looking forward to watching it. Also got The Fall's latest CD and want to listen to that ASAP.

    Answer: The_Motorcycle_Boy is a character from Francis Ford Coppola's 1983 b+w film "Rumble Fish" probably my most liked movie. What a great cast - Nicholas Cage, Dennis Hopper, Matt Dillon, Mickey Rourke, Diane Lane and more. TMB, Mickey Rourke, is the town legend who is losing his mind. He tries to let loose some bettas into the river where, like the misguided teenagers, they'll be free and won't kill themselves, but he is shot dead by cop who is out to get him.

    Well, I hope this post finds you and your sons well.

    Till next time

    Cyber hug, mon ami



  24. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    15 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Glad to hear you are feeling more yourself - no need to apologize - you have to do what you need to get yourself back in tune - happy that you have! 

    Got lectured by my parents - nothing new there lol my father was more concerned about be me coping with my eldest son. He still doesn't have a good understanding of Autism - oh well.

    No - sleep is still very erratic and from being on a high of having some company on Friday - hit some all time lows over the last few days. Very weepy and grouchy (my poor boys). I think my anger was more from hurt and frustration. I am learning to accept that loneliness is just a part of this play called life - I know there are no guarantees. Sorry for being tilted toward the downside.

    Thank you - I have not seen Rumblefish in a very long time. I think it was a toss up between that and The Outsiders for me. I also had read a lot of S E Hinton in the younger days too. I think she had a cameo in Rumblefish as well. I get the connection with the bettas now. 

    My boys have been up and down too at the moment - but we will get there. 

    Look after yourself mein freund,

    Cyber hug back at you,


  25. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    16 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    That's ok you're a little pessimistic, with what you have been through it's no wonder. But just like the seven bad dwarfs turning into the seven good dwarfs so can you. Your grouchy, upset, lonely, angry, frustrated, erratic and weepy can transform into happy, bliss, calm, good, satisfy, dreamy and alert (what sort of name is that for a dwarf?).

    Hope you got a smile out of that little excursion into fantasy land!

    Wow and you have read a lot of S.E.Hinton and you've actually seen Rumble Fish not many have. Yes Susan Hinton as you know was only 17 or so when she wrote a swag of books for teens (and older). She played a prostitute in Rumble Fish. I wonder what happened to her? She is probably quite well off.

    I got that quake game going at last today. It took ages of mucking around little fiddly bits to do but I did it! It's an old game but a good one. You can see I have a fair bit of spare time to kill. lol

    That was good you having some company on Friday but I'm sad to hear your sleeping is still broken and short. I'll tell you a funny story about what happened to me once when I first got sick years ago. It was 1991 and because of my depression I was put into a mental health clinic. For quite a while I had been getting very little and very unsatisfactory sleep. It was the nature of my illness.

    On my 2nd  or 3rd night there I approached a nurse and asked for something to help me sleep. I was desperate. She said no and started to cry much to my dismay. I wandered off very upset, stricken with guilt and horror at what I'd become. Later, I was lying awake in bed and another nurse approached. I again ventured to say that I needed something to help me sleep.

    She left and returned with a glass of warm milk. I thought "you've gotta be kidding!" But I drank it down and not long after, to my later astonishment, I actually fell asleep. No, I wasn't cured. haha! So a long story to this idea. It might sound silly but why not try it (warm milk)if you haven't already? Green tea is very good too. It really relaxes you and normal tea for that matter as well.

    Must tell you about the show Rockwiz. It's on every Sat night at 8:30pm on Ch SBS one. Have you seen it? I've been a fan for years, I love it. Anyway , they're having shows to celebrate the decades. The 60's and 70's are finished next week, of course is the 80's. It's a really enjoyable hour's entertainment. Maybe you might like it.

    I betta go. Please take care of yourself and the boys and remember, eat, sleep and be merry!

    cyber hug mon ami

    from TMB

  26. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    17 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hey TMB,

    Thanks for the Seven Dwarves analogy - at least you didn't use the seven Duffs lol It feels at the moment every step forward  I seem to be taking one back as well. 

    The boys both had some high anxiety moments today, which has left  me feeling drained.  I did have a positive today - caught up with some disability parents that used to live in the same town  as me, I have known the mother since I was a teenager. At least it's another support here for me.

    I have read a lot of things over the years - no one was sur

  27. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    17 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    My phone had a hissy fit so this is in two parts - apologies. End of the sentence was that I could read at age 3.

    Glad you got your game working - I have just joined Steam, so I am looking into finding something I can play - when I can!

    Thank you for sharing your story - sometimes it can be the simple things that help - at the moment sleep is from exhaustion - not a big milk fan - but thanks for the tip!

    I am very familiar with Rockwiz - have watched it for quite a few years - very witty with Julia Zemiro and Brian Nankervis - I enjoy hearing the live duets. I am into the quiz thing and music is an easy topic !! Million dollar riff is pretty cool as well!! 

    I have my mum staying tomorrow as my dad is having his operation. The boys are looking forward to it. At least I will have company at night time.  Now all I need to do is prepare for my first weekend alone. 

    Starting to eat again - makes me anxious at times.

    Always good to hear from you mein freund - always take care of my babies - take care of yourself too 

    Cyber hug back,


    Indra 🙏

  28. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    19 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hi Indra,

    That's great you met up with those disability parents. the more support you have the better!

    It must be very frustrating for you at present making progress and then slipping down the ladder again, so to speak. Here's to more steps forward and to less falling back!

    So you could read at the age of three, that is very  young. I was often called "bright" as a kid, how about you? Did you do well at school?

    I remember applying to go on a children's TV quiz show when I was around ten but eventually pulling out due to a lack of confidence. I was good at Maths especially. Part of growing up for me was playing games, such as asking general knowledge questions and spelling quizzes etc. around the kitchen table with my folks.

    Did you ever go to Uni? I never did successfully, till I did Open Universities about 6 years ago. I didn't get a degree but I passed half a dozen subjects which was pleasing to me. I loved the learning.

    You might like the Quake game too. I think you can get it at steam. It's a FPS , (First Person Shooter), which means you get to kill lots of baddies while collecting ammunition, health and finding secrets. It is fun and challenging if you like that sort of game.

    Yeah, I like Rockwiz, I've got most of their shows on Dvd. I too, like the live duets, in fact, I like all of it.

    Seeing your Mum will be good company-wise. All the best on your first weekend alone. Do you mean completely alone? I am well practiced at being alone. Maybe I should give you some hints? lol. Truthfully, I am alone most days except when a friend visits (one weekend) or when I go to her place (usually each fortnight).

    I know one other mutual friend who I see every 2 weeks and 3 or 4 other people I can occasionally say Hi to. That's it, virtually no family., I am big time alone! but my depression amplifies the feeling. Anyway, my "lonely" tips are typical, I suppose. Keep busy, be active, ring people if you can, or BB.

    Go for walks. Play games like chess (can you play?) You can install a chess app from playstore on your phone. It's a great game once you know how to play. And it soaks up time in an enjoyable way. Have a bath, a nap, treat yourself well. Go to BB. Get into the novel. listen to music, watch a movie etc etc

    .Unfortunately, I'm not sure what you mean when you say "Starting to eat again - makes me anxious at times". Could you explain, please.

    Anyway, I betta go mon ami,

    Nice talking to you again, Indra. Big cyber hug!

    Best wishes



  29. Indra
    Indra avatar
    180 posts
    20 June 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Hope you are doing well. I did very well at school - was put a grade ahead and was only 15 in my final year of school. I was a whiz at general knowledge and no one liked playing me in Trivial Pursuit lol The downside was my parents put it point blank that they couldn't afford uni or getting me boarded somewhere - so the dreams were dashed even back then. I had a major argument with my mother over a lot of things from the past. I don't like reliving some of them - she did apologize for some and called me a liar on others - I was not really surprised.

    I will have a look at Quake - since I will have tine this weekend. Yes, I am completely alone this weekend and the quietness of the house is probably the hardest part. 

    That made me feel sad reading the part when said you are alone most of the time. I think we are truly not designed to be alone all if the time. Though was glad to read that you do catch up with your friends from time to time. One of my friends was supposed to catch up yesterday - but a no show oh well.

    A walk or the gym maybe in order today - the walk if it isn't raining or utterly freezing - very foggy where I live!! 

    I do enjoy chess and have a version on my laptop. The old fashioned version is better on an actual board - I am no expert at it, but like it as a challenge!! Oh and I finally listened to The Fall - very English!!!

    I think what I find hardest with time away from the boys is it that when you are so dedicated to your children's needs, you forget about yourself. I do have some reading I would like to catch up on. 

    The food anxiety - I have always had a love/hate relationship with food! At times when I eat and if my anxiety levels are high, I feel as I am going to choke when I eat - so sometimes avoid eating. With techniques I was given, I get my breathing regulated and get calm before I try again.

    Next goal this weekend is to sleep longer than 5am - bodyclock still set for the weekday!!

    Thank you for tips TMB and hope that your weekend is enjoyable.

    Always good to chat mein freund and cyber hug back to you ☺



  30. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    22 June 2015 in reply to Indra

    Hey Indra,

    Sorry x 1,000!!! I was away for the weekend again and didn't have access to a computer so I couldn't contact you. I couldn't trust the phone after last time. I thought of going to the local library but it was closed. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and got through your weekend okay. I read some of your posts and realized you were doing it tough. You poor thing. Was Gizmo good company?

    I was flabbergasted (how's that for a word?) when reading your last post. You see, I too was elevated a class when I was young (I answered all my twins questions in class so they decided to separate us) which meant I was 16-17 in sixth form. And I was a demon at the old Trivial Pursuit too!

    That's a shame you couldn't get to go to Uni, maybe one day? Open University was a wonderful experience for me. What subject would you pick if you did decide to study?

    Quake 1 is a good choice, it will rock the quietness out of your place. Haha!

    I am alone during the week but that is okay. I am feeling happier each day so it doesn't matter so much anymore. I'm sorry your friend didn't show. Do you have many close friends? I guess we don't make that many firm friends in a lifetime. Going to the gym sounds cool. Burn off some frustration along with some kilojoules!

    Chess on a board is much better isn't it? Have you ever played it online or by correspondence? Correspondence sounds like fun but you'd have to trust the other person, it'd be too easy to cheat.

    Glad you listened to The Fall, they are very English! I am just listening to their latest album. As usual, I didn't like it on first hearing but it grows on you after a while. Different, moody, atmospheric are descriptions that spring to mind.

    I agree , when you're so dedicated to your kids you miss them all the more when they're gone. That doesn't sound too good, your anxiety and eating. Please take care! And good luck with sleeping in past 5am. How did it go?

    Well I had a good weekend but once again very quiet. I did go movie hunting and got "American Sniper" on blu-ray for $18. The markets are on again next weekend Yay! (hope the weather is fine) So I am looking forward to that. Watched the footy and went for a few drives. The weather here was lousy.

    I do hope you are okay after your weekend alone.

    Extra Big cyber hug to you mon ami

    All the Best

    from TMB

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