Hi everyone, I have just joined beyond blue on-line and thought I would introduce myself.  My name is Lynne and I am 53.  I have been married for nearly 12 years for the 2nd time.  I have 3 children, 2 boys 34 and 31 and a daughter 24.  I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar for 20 years.  It has taken me a long time to realize that I have an illness.  My doctor says I don't have Borderline Personality Disorder but I thought I would still put it in because that is what one of my earlier phychiatrists said I had.  My doctor says I have Bi-Polar and was miss-diagnosed all those years ago.  I have not had to be hospitalized for 4 years now, but before that I was always in and out of hospital.  I think I had finally worked out what my triggers were and so went to my doctors before I got too bad and needed to be hospitalized.  It has not been easy and my 3 children have not had a good childhood, but I feel they have turned out alright.  Last week was my birthday and I did not get anything for my birthday and even my daughter didn't wish me a happy birthday.  I know we are having a few problems but to not wish me a happy birthday hurt.  It is the first year my husband has never got me anything for my birthday.  I am depressed at the moment so joining this group at this time has been perfect timing.  I am finding things getting me down easily and now I have hurt my back.  My husband and I live in a caravan because our dream was to become grey nomads and travel around Australia.  So far in 2 years we have traveled for 5 months in 2013 to Western Australia.  We have been plagued by illnesses, injuries, operations and appointments.  We hope to go to Wallaroo on the 7th July for a week.  I need this so bad just so I can go off by myself and do some fishing on my own.  I miss being able to just go somewhere on my own.  I don't drive and I cannot catch buses anymore because I have had 3 bus accidents as a passenger.  When we had our own home I used to do gardening to keep my depression in check but now I have nothing.  I hope this forum will be very helpful for me.  Thank you rant over.  I look forward to talking to you all.

Hello Lynne

Welcome to beyondblue and apologies that no one has responded to you earlier. Sometimes people slip through the cracks which is not helpful.

It was not good that you were misdiagnosed years ago. BPD is a horrid condition and to believe this is your problem is not just unfair but very cruel. Sometimes I wonder how a psychiatrist's mind works.  My understanding is that if you have one of these medical conditions it never goes away so to hear your doctor say you did not have it must be wonderful. I find it amazing that GPs seem to be so much better at these sorts of diagnoses but psych are supposed to be the experts.  But then they do need the knowledge to be able to send their patients to the appropriate specialists.

It's hard to think you have had a detrimental effect on your children.  I worried about it for years but I have come to the conclusion that children are quite resilient. As you say, they have turned out OK so you cannot have been such a bad parent.

Yes it's sad that no one acknowledged your birthday. I have missed out at different times, usually because the post was delayed or in one instance, my 4yo  granddaughter hid my card and present and her mother could not find it for several weeks.

I hope your back is begining to get better. That stops you doing so much. But if you start your trip life will brighten up. A friend of mine has done the grey nomad thing for many years and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Like you she enjoyed fishing. Because of her husband's health they have finished that part of their lives but have so many good memories.

Please keep in touch with us. I'm sure other folk here will respond to you.

Regards

LING

Hi Lynne

And happy birthday for the other day. Sorry to hear that your family didn't say it. Families are soooo complicated.

I was diagnosed PTSD and clinical depression about 24 years ago. I didn't accept this to be true until about 2 years ago. I just thought I didn't deal with sadness very well. 

I haven't told my children who are now adults because I fear rejection or them attributing any thing I do to the depression. My wife found my medication about 12 months ago so I had to come clean to her but since that day she has never shown any interest in speaking about the condition. 

I know that my children's childhood could have been far better if they had a normal father, but if I look back I think I did reasonably well considering the mess I was in.

My wife and I often say that we will go caravanning around Australia and I have spent a lot of time and money setting up the four wheel drive. All we need now is to buy a van. I'm interested in what you said about not having the free space to yourself. Is this something you considered as a likely problem be for you set off or is it something you discovered as you went along.

Regards Steve

Hi Lynne,

Welcome to the forum. I've been on here for 2 months and racked up 280 posts so I've been busy. The beauty of this forum is you can spread your knowledge to those less fortunate and the plus is you can expand your own knowledge about mental illness.

I'm 58yo. I have bipolar 2, dysthymia (another depressive illness), anxiety and depression. I likely had ADHD when younger. My mother likely had BPD but is in denial. My older brother took his life in 1979 and I have a younger sister that has deep depression.

I'm stable now and have down days less often. I realise (and promote on this forum) that a mix of things can help one to recover from mental illness to a satisfactory level. Environment changes, proper diagnosis and medication, family issues resolved, removal of toxic people from your life, less social media, spiritual happiness, positive thinking etc.

Now to you dear Lynne. I'm so glad you have written on here.  Birthdays....is not a true reflection of love from a family. Forgetting your birthday is not an example of revenge. Young people are so busy nowadays. And hubby....well when I remember a birthday say a week beforehand I give them their present then so I wont risk forgetting the day- which I usually do!!!!! Let it slide. Dont get caught up in a world of disappointment over things that could be simply forgetfulness.

A grey nomad's life sounds good but I've learned that for every positive there is a negative and visa-versa.  This lifestyle would or could give you a sense of lack of home life, lack of security. With less mobility you described you are dependent on hubby more.Just mentioning it as a possible effect on you.?

I cant seek anything else I could be of help with except have faith in your family and not let the little things get in the way of OVERALL family contentment. Life is tough for us but we posters are here for you. I am amazed at the friendships I have developed here even though I'll never meet them in person. It is a place I feel with comfort and care. One of the same. Feel free to post daily issues you have so you can get advice.  Read as many threads as possible including "ongoing treatment"

Finally, endeavor to seek the love of life itself. We all get caught up in our issues. Take a few minutes every day to maybe- watch a flower bloom, walk the dog, share vegies with a new arrival at the caravan park. You are unique, you are a beautiful human being.....we just need to be told that sometimes.

cyber hug .

Thank you for replying to my post.  My GP who was able to diagnose my real problem worked for years in a Psychiactric Hospital and so had done the training to be able to diagnose mental health problems.  I was very lucky to find him and since I have, I have followed him everywhere when he has moved.  I won't go to anyone else because he knows me and knows my medical problems which are many and varied. My husband and I are going away for a week on Monday so am just looking forward to that.  I am looking forward to being a participant on Beyond Blue and thank you for your warm welcome.

Thank for the birthday wishes everyone.  Steve you were and are a normal person, you just have an illness.  I think your family would appreciate knowing that you have an illness.  My husband didn't know anything on how to handle someone with a mental illness when we first met but talking to friends, reading literature and talking with my doctor has helped him come to terms  with my illness.  The only reason I find I need my me time is because we have been stuck in the one caravan park for so long.  Once we start again on the road it will be much better because we won't be stuck in the caravan all the time, we will be visiting places and be on the road, which we love.  I say go for it and enjoy yourself, life is too short to waste on regrets.