I was at the airport when I spotted my friend Jack - so I yelled out "Hi Jack"

The resultant events were unexpected and unfortunate.

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up".

People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

A man was out on a walk when he saw a sign outside the police station that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”

So he went in and applied for the job.

The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.
I've already put myself down.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Hello Everyone..

Someone has removed the fifth month from all of my calendars.....

I’m dismayed

Funniest one I've heard in ages Grandy....now I just have to try to remember it to add to the three jokes I have in my repertoire.....

Two calendars fell in love with each other
They went on a lot of dates

Hello everyone...🤗..

Why was everybody so tired on April 1st?

Because they just finished a March of 31 days!

Did you hear about the street walker in Venice?

They drowned.

(sorry not quite Wednesday but this gave me a giggle)

First one says: So i heard that you're good swimmer.
Second one replies: Yeah, I was a postman in Venice for 4 years.

My friend was living in Venice, Italy. Neither-land Nor-way.

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,

but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate. I'll start tomorrow.

What does the little Champagne bottle call his father?

Pop!

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

The older I get the less answers I know

(I'm not sure if this is a joke or just life:(

Hello Everyone.....🤗🌹

You know you’re old when the candles cost more than the cake.......anyway....We’re not old… we’re recycled teenagers.🌹💚...

Ggggrandy,
... heehee, or when they opt for the 'two numbers' (- I feel a bit duped with only 2 candles) - what point is there in living to 100 now if you can't set off the smoke alarms??
So, recycled huh? - and what bin do we get put in for the kerbside collection? Saving the planet gone mad if you ask me...

Croix,
...hm, you might be right, increased wisdom is accepting we don't need to know the answers - they already exist as night follows day.
Fewer people know less than the lesson of the few; but to lessen the few is to lower the view... phew!

Hello Everyone....🤗..

What’s the best flower for a boy to give his mom for Mother’s Day?

.....Son-flowers of course 🌻

What do you call a pile of kittens?

… a Meowntain 🐱🐯🏔

Happy Wednesday everyone

Q: What do you call a cat that throws all the most expensive parties?

A: The Great Catsby

How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed?
You order it from the Cat-alogue

Hello Everyone.....

Why did the cats ask for a drum set?

They wanted to make some mewsic

My neighbor is so inconsiderate-
He came pounding on my front door at 4am!
Thankfully I was already awake practicing my drum solo, but very rude🙄

Two Irishmen looking for work, saw this sign "Tree fellers wanted"

One said to the other.."Now if Paddy was here with us, we'd have got that job!"

Hi everyone...

What is the best possible holiday present....

A broken drum....l.you just can’t beat it..

For my next trick, I intend to eat a percussion instrument in a sandwich.
Drum roll please...