Hi everyone,
Haven’t posted on here in about 4 years.
Does anyone else struggle with attachment but at the same time have an avoidant personality? My depression is a little all over the place at the moment and I’m trying to collect my thoughts and roll with the punches.
Lately with relationships I’m either two ends of the spectrum - seriously attached or seriously avoidant. I’ve just ended a friendship of over 10 years and have DIPPED, not really allowing much of a conversation for it because it would honestly drain me. This is where I feel I’m being avoidant, anytime anyone tries to talk to me about it or ask I change the subject or zone out completely. I’m okay with that for now.
My problem is my attachment issues and my stupid little obsessions I get with anyone I’m intimate with or share some time with. I find myself getting really invested over someone I’ve only just met, thinking about them 24/7, looking at their socials, replaying whatever moment we had in my head on a loop. Internally agonising over a stranger. I don’t go crazy in person and spam them with messages or anything, it’s all just going on in my head. I guess I can pin this down to loneliness and craving something more but it just sucks. I get to a place where I’m feeling independent and only concerned about myself, but then someone catches me off guard and I go down a spiral.
I’m perfectly content with every aspect of my life apart from my social life - both friends and more. I’d say at the moment I don’t really have any friends outside of work, and I’ve never had a boyfriend or relationship, and that’s why I’m so quick to latch on.
If you personally deal with something similar, how do you get passed it? How do you just shut up inside your head and move on? I’d love some advice.