Two years ago I was diagnosed with major depression and "quiet" BPD (and more). I have been on medication for over 2 years as well as times in psychiatric facilities.
I have a loving wife who has supported me amazingly despite also battling with depression of her own.
I am still employed, but some days I find it hard to work more than a couple of hours.
I still have daily thoughts for harm. What I have learned over the past 2 years keeps me from acting on such thoughts (DBT, mindfulness, daily exercise and more).
I also am suffering anhedonia (lack of ability to feel pleasure, part of the depression). Its hard to do nice things for myself when I don't feel worthy and I get essentially no good feelings from them.
Does it ever get any easier?
I want to want to live for me.
I live for my family. I live to provide. I just don't feel like I live for me.