Hello there,
I think Teek made a really good point.. Everyone is different in terms of their motivations, their mental/physical health and what it allows.. I think a lot of the time, because of stigmas around depression and anxiety, those who suffer from it don't fully realise that it's not fair to expect things like employment and studying to be as easy as it is for someone without depression/anxiety. Never impossible, but not as natural and seamless, and often times incredibly daunting.. And yes, sometimes impossible in the moment.
It sounds like you're feeling a very normal social pressure that's 1000x more intense because of your mental health, and that's often how it goes. I hope you can reach a point some day where you're patient with yourself in the sense that you might need more time and extra help with these things, and that's not fully in your control. You simply can't wake up one day and choose to do these things easily, like going to a job interview, know what your purpose is, and it's okay. You will get to where you want and need to be, and I have full faith in that.
Finding where you want to be is incredibly hard, and I think often times it comes from actually doing things. It's near impossible to exist in a small box and be ambitious, inspired. Going for a walk, people watching, reading/watching about other people's ambitions and life stories are tiny steps to figuring out the world and where you might fit, or where you might like to fit. It's never easy and maybe there's no right answer.
I'm 19, and before only working in a small cafe last year for a few months which I found incredibly daunting, I finally have a job that I enjoy and feel comfortable in after the massive leap in starting it, and not thinking I'd like it at all. I've learnt so much so fast about people, where I want to work, how I want to interact with people and help them, how other people live.
I don't have the answers.. But after hardly any work experience and falling into this job, life and the world for me changed incredibly quickly.
I don't know. Sometimes starting is just picking one little thing and rolling with it, and somehow everything around it falls into place. It's comforting to know that those studying, working 9-5's and saving money don't really know what they're doing or what they want too, and that's okay.
I hope you're taking care of yourself as best as you can at the moment. What would you think about asking your psych for advice on this and finding work?