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Forums / Depression / My spouse is depressed and waiting for the Psych visit. Anything she can do now?

Topic: My spouse is depressed and waiting for the Psych visit. Anything she can do now?

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. LateInLife
    LateInLife avatar
    5 posts
    27 September 2021

    Hi Everyone

    My Wife is on meds and will need an adjustment. Her doctor is unwilling to make changes and we are now in a waiting period for a Psychiatrist appointment (4 weeks away).

    The issue is she is low and feels like just giving up. We are financially well off and there is no stress in her life and nothing that would cause her depression as she has just lost joy in doing things. We are keeping busy to keep her occupied.

    Mainly she feels worthless and of no use. I am currently going through CBT with her and just started.

    Does anyone know of any excellent online resources, either therapy chat groups or videos to see how others got through the dark days?

    Kind regards

    Dave

  2. HappyHelper88
    Community Champion
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    HappyHelper88 avatar
    115 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Hello LateInlife, Thankyou for your post and welcome

    I am so sorry your going through this, unfortunately the wait time for psychiatrists have gone up dramatically through covid, which has made things hard
    Its easy to lose joy in things considering we are all having a hard time with the lockdown
    Thats good that you are doing CBT i have recently finished and it made a big impact to my life

    Im not sure of any therapy chat groups or videos however SANE.ORG is a good website to have a look at they offer counselling and peer support plus other services

    I would also like to share how i got through my dark days so you could help your wife

    1) Talking to family and friends daily
    2) Eating really well and exercising nearly everyday even just a short walk
    3) keeping busy doing something i loved such as watching favourite movies
    4) learning new hobbies, baking, painting and art
    5) Practicing gratitude and mindfulness daily, reminding myself what i am thankful for
    6) reading lots of self help books to help pull me out of the darkness

    I hope this helps and if you or your wife need someone to talk to please call us to talk with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat here



    3 people found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10378 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Dear Dave

    My apologies as I can't find your previos posts, so I'll welcome you here. I would think this would be a particularly hard time for the pair of you as it is a question of waiting and hoping.

    You are doing the sensible thing in getting a psychiatrist's opinion and while 4 weeks may well seem endless it will pass.

    In the meantime I'm curious as to the CBT you are doing together, this is usually something done with the guidance and supervision of a health professional, normally a psychologist. There are some that are free and web based -Mindspot Clinic being a particularly good place with proper clinical supervision

    https://mindspot.org.au/

    I found trying to break out of the cycle of thoughts that depression brings I was not able to do that by myself, and in the absence of a medical professional have found the free on-line app Smiling Mind to be excellent at breaking that chain

    https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

    This takes some practice, but is well worth the effort, it has exercises for all sorts of persons, including ones like myself who has the attention span of a gnat.

    I always find once that chain of thought has been broken and the exercise finished I need to have something enjoyable or active lined up ready to do straight away so my mind does not have a chance to revert.

    This leads on to another subject - mindfulness, for which there is a good introduction here

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/wellbeing/what-is-mindfulness

    Again it absorbs the mind and hopefully helps reintroduce the sense of proportion about life that depression robs me of.

    There is a great deal of discussion about it here on the forum, for example

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/mindfulness-what-is-it-(even-if-you-dont-know-please-post-so-we-can-help-grow-the-forums-accordingly)/page/42

    Being there for your wife is probably the most significant thing you can do. Should you wish to talk to someone about this I'd suggest our 24/7 Help line on 1300 22 4636

    Finally may I ask if you have any support for yourself at this very stressful time, A family member or freind perhaps you can share the load with by talking?

    I hope to hear from you again

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
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    Sleepy21 avatar
    4161 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Hi there,

    I can relate.

    Although she is financially secure, I wander if with bit of probing there is soe,thing, someone, or some issue that keeps her feeling down

    I enjoy Russ Harris mindfulness online and in terms of groups, I like art therapy and wholisitc groups, sometimes simply being with others is soothing. And making something, eg craft or painting

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    1362 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Hi Dave,

    Im sorry that your self and your wife are going through this.

    I went through a really dark time in my life I had severe anxiety OCD I know our conditions are different but the things that got me through my dark days were……..

    talking positively to myself if I had a bad day I’d tell myself tomorrow would be better….

    I’d practice gratitude

    I’d read positive affirmations

    I’d make myself go out for a coffee and go for a walk

    Id surround myself with positive people

    I learned that a depressed mind won’t want to do anything I’d have to over ride it

    I practiced guided meditation I learned that I’m not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts

    I did metacognitive therapy it really helped me..

    Im here to chat

    1 person found this helpful
  6. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5771 posts
    27 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Hello there and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

    Firstly the other posts have a lot of good information that I won't repeat. The one thing I would look at is a book called "the happiness trap" by Russ Harris.

    And I get it with the waiting period. Listening to you.

  7. LateInLife
    LateInLife avatar
    5 posts
    29 September 2021

    Thanks, everyone for your kind replies.

    I myself am doing and coping quite well. I work from home so close to my wife at most times. I also have a good network of friends and my work is very understanding.

    For our days, my wife has no trouble getting out of bed to do a walk with the neighbour early in the morning, Pilates about mid-morning and visits friends for the days. So I assist by keeping her days busy.

    She does Meals on Wheels volunteering two days a week.

    The book we are reading is CBT for Dummies. We have a number of other books but this looks easy to get into and explains the thoughts-feelings-beliefs triangle as a start.

    Also some good podcasts, 'The new psychology of depression' and 'Overcome depression and thrive'

    The key thing is she feels extremely worthless and no good to anybody and sees not having a job as a failure. I stress, she does not need to work and that is why I volunteered her with MOW.

    After I finish up work I make dinner because I love cooking, my wife loves eating :) We then either watch shows together, listen to podcasts together and generally talk a lot.

    We will keep going and just keep busy. I will review all the suggestions so thanks everyone.

  8. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    5771 posts
    30 September 2021 in reply to LateInLife

    Hi,

    Another good source of information is here ...

    https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Overview

    I have read a few of the things here as they were given to me by my psychologist - on the site there is also a list of the 300 fun activities. This was given to me when I could not find any joy in life. At the same time, positive words puzzles worked for me as well.

    And while the above and your posts are for your wife, I want to ask how you are going with all that is happening. Just checking to see if you are OK.

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