Hi Reenie and welcome to our caring community;
You're really coming down hard on yourself lovely. Being so self critical isn't getting you anywhere it seems, so why flog the dead horse? Positive reinforcement's a far better way to approach this situation don't you think?
You've shown great self support by writing on this forum which is a credit to your determination ok. You want what's best and this in itself is uplifting.
Feeling anxious as you've described is a normal response to what's happening. Getting thru it is a one step at a time process which if practised, can instil valuable habits for your future. Learning to face adversity like this is great preparation for other problems down the track. You're doing great ok!
Life's a roller coaster so accepting these set-backs and using this experience for growth and learning is character building and strengthens your resolve thru life. Having resources like a counsellor helps too. Hunt around for one to talk with when it gets too much.
Yeah I know, bit of a psychological lecture, but you need to have a positive mindset and focus on solutions instead of how hard it seems. Life's hard for all of us; it's the ones who learn to cope that excel.
Asking ourselves what we want in life's the hardest question of all. We want so much to please and validate others, yet learning to do the same for ourselves is really hard for most. It's a wonderful habit tho if you can do it..
If teaching in schools isn't appealing to you, there's plenty of other opportunities out there that would value your qual's and experience as a coordinator. Working with children isn't the only way to exploit your degree.
What about adults? (Eg. TAFE) Or in-house training within a firm or organisation? Research and development for instance is a great field. So is project managing. These are but a few suggestions, but you get my drift yeah?
Broadening your horizons makes for a more gentle way of answering the question of what you 'want' to do. Go thru the whole interview process if you like your position; I mean, you've got top standing due to already doing it. But run your own race ok. Worrying about how others rank moves your focus from you to them.
Be selfish! Be competitive! Be there for you...