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Forums / Depression / Single mumma and I'm sick of it

Topic: Single mumma and I'm sick of it

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Lilly18
    Lilly18 avatar
    57 posts
    30 October 2018

    Hello,

    I feel horrible for even thinking this and now typing it.

    I'm so stressed and I think i hate my children. I cringe everytime they speak. Im lucky IF they speak, its constantly yelling and fighting, so am i.

    They make my chest hurt.

    I take an anti anxiety med every afternoon just to get through. And also on an Ad.

    Their father died 2 years ago, when they have a cry for him I don't even care anymore, i get snappy and yell. Because there is nothing I can do. I can't deal with them.

    I feel like the worst mother in the world. I'm angry and unable to give my children the love they need and deserve which makes their behaviour worse.

    There's not a worse feeling to hear your child sobbing in bed because you yelled 100 times for them to go to sleep. Believe me there is alot more to the story..I just cant do this

    1 person found this helpful
  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    1437 posts
    31 October 2018 in reply to Lilly18

    Lilly18,

    Hi. And welcome to beyond blue. The snippet of your life story moved me.

    I know (from your post) that you feel you hate your children, except that your last sentences would contradict that statement; when you said there is no worse feeling than hearing your child sobbing in bed. This is a statement of love, care and concern. Not hate.

    Now I am not a professional counsellor. Just another user on the forum, sitting and chatting with you. I hope you will permit me to ask you some questions. I only ask these questions as I cannot comprehend what it must be like for you having to work (?), take on the roles of both parents, etc.

    • Can I ask how old your children are?
    • Have your children gotten over the loss of their father yet? Have you?
    • Have you been able to talk to anyone about what you are going through? Family? Friends? Therapist?
    • Are there any support groups for single parents in your area you can talk to or meet with?
    • Do you have any time to be yourself?

    But you have come to beyond blue, a place of caring and supportive people. At this point in time, it would be wrong for me to give you any suggestion as to what actions you should take - we are just getting to know each other. But I can this... I am listening to you as to tell your story. I hope that you will come back and chat some more. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it is just difficult to see at the moment?

    Talk to you soon,

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Lilly18
    Lilly18 avatar
    57 posts
    31 October 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi Tim,

    They are 8, 6 & 3 years old. I was 26 and partner died at just 28 years young.

    I'm not aware of any single mothers groups, although there is playgroup for sort of disadvantage mothers, they are more ally young mums about 16yrs old. Not really something I feel like joining.

    I have been seeing a great psychologist and have just scratched the surface there and feeling more comfortable with her now. I dont like talking to family or friends ( i only have 1 friend) about my feelings or what's really going on.

    No, we havnt gotten over the loss. I dont think we ever will. Some days are ok others are not. It's a rollercoaster.

    And no I don't work at the moment so I do have time to myself but it doesn't feel like it.

    Thanks for the message I just had a really bad day yesterday :(

    1 person found this helpful
  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    1437 posts
    31 October 2018 in reply to Lilly18

    Lilly18,

    Hi. Me again. I have been seeing psychologist for about a year now and it takes some time (for me, at least) to get to the bottom of things. I am certain you will speak with her about your loss, and she will also have other ideas for you in relation to your children? As my wife has said to me... you just need to go with it. Unfortunately we cannot just flick a switch and everything will be OK.

    If there were a single mothers group, would you be interested in going? Wondering of your local member (parliament) might be able to point you in the right direction? Or perhaps one of your local churches might know of some groups?

    I have 2 nephews around the ages of your kids who fight a bit. I could tell you what she does to help reduce the fights but that would come across me telling you how to ....

    With that said, and everything feeling negative at the moment, somehow we (read me) have to find ways to look forward to the (next) day. One trick my psych told me was in relation to re-wiring my brain and writing about things to look forward to each day, or what I accomplished, or pleasures. This won't overcome your loss, but might help to make the days a little more bearable?

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    4051 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Lilly18

    Hello Lilly,

    Im sorry to hear about you partner and father of your three children...my deep sympathy...

    Awe sweety, I’m sorry you feel like your the worst mother in the world...Your a young mother, who is raising 3 adorable children on your own...Thats a very difficult task at any time, without any mh issues....

    Lilly, I feel the same,I don’t think we ever get over loosing our partners/ husband...I lost mine 5 years ago, and the hurt and missing him is still with me....

    I am thinking, if your parents or your partners parents could look after your children for a few hours on the week end to give you time out and the grandparents can enjoy their grandchildren for a few hours....Sorry if I said wrong here...Not sure about now..my kids are all grown up and have kids that are starting to grow up...but the school that they attended had a playgroup running twice a week,

    I’m really glad to read that you have good professionals helping you....

    I just really wanted to call in because your little story is so powerfully sad, I need to come in and say hello and olet you know how sorry I was to hear about your partner, and I would like to sit with you if that’s okay, hold your hand and just be here for you if you need to talk at any time...

    Sending you some warm caring hugs..🤗🤗🤗.l

    Kind thoughts..

    Grandy...

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Blue moth
    Blue moth avatar
    2 posts
    2 November 2018 in reply to Lilly18

    Hey lily I hope you start feeling better soon I'm sorry for your loss I am I single mum of 2 I have my nefue through the week and 3 is hard work I couldn't do it all the time its not just you all mums lose there shit we all losing out shit n if some mums look like they have it all together behind close doors there losing there shit to it's so hard being a mum n I dont think anyone ever feels like they r doing a good job but hey we r doing it.. before you can be the best mum you can be you have to make sure your ok .. iv been doing therapy for a few months now and I'm finding it really helpful I reccomend it so much.. aswell as exercise and a hobbie whatever your into whatever makes you feel good atleast once a week ..do you have any support ? U need to give yourself a break dont beat up on yourself just notice what is going on n work every day little by little to get better n then everything else will get better too.. hope that helps hope things start getting better for you soon March on mumma xxx

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Lilly18
    Lilly18 avatar
    57 posts
    9 November 2018 in reply to Blue moth

    Thankyou Tim, Grandy and Blue Moth.

    Grandy your world's are so sweet, it really is what I need to hear sometimes. Even from a stranger online! 💕

    my mother in law does mind my 3year old for 1 day of the week, she is very reliable and I can always count on her which is great. But if it was on the weekend that would be amazing.

    Hey blue moth, i hear you there. It really does seem like other mums have got it together, maybe some do. I feel there is nothing to work away at to get better and better, facts are facts and the fact is my life's crap 🙁

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