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Forums / Grief and loss / 26 years of marriage abandoned

Topic: 26 years of marriage abandoned

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Defencewife
    Defencewife avatar
    9 posts
    5 January 2020

    Hi all,

    So a week ago my husband of 26 years mentioned that friends of ours had emailed him with a family update for Christmas (my husband and he had worked together some years ago). So in a spare moment I picked up his iPad and looked for the friends email. Next to their email is another, and I could see the first line as you do in Outlook. It ready, “it worked honey, I love you”. Of course I opened it and it went downhill from there. I requested an explanation... I was lied to..I persisted...more detail was given with reassurances that now I knew everything. More lies came out. Only thing is, after 26 years, I know when he is avoiding talking about something. Fast forward to today. It is now one week later. I can’t eat, I feel sick. I feel so alone it is overwhelming. I am in so much pain I actually howled! As a military wife, I have always been the strong one, raising kids while he was deployed, dealing with career losses of my own because of postings, supporting my family and his family - including supporting his Dad through a terminal illness and ultimately burying him while my husband was deployed. Everyone leans on me, and I don’t know how to deal with the pain, the loss, the sick feeling. How do I even begin to deal with this? And the harsh realization that I don’t have a support network. My friends are work colleagues from over the years or joint couple friends. I don’t feel I can turn to them.

    Defence Wife (or rather Defence Ex-wife)

  2. QueenieAG
    QueenieAG avatar
    2 posts
    6 January 2020 in reply to Defencewife
    I'm very sorry that this happened.
  3. Pyjamas
    Pyjamas avatar
    2 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Defencewife
    I’m so sorry this has happened to you but I read your post and just thought,” wow, I wish I was as strong as this woman”.
    Nothing hurts like a broken heart but if you can get through all that you have so far in life, then you can get through this too. You’re a fighter x
  4. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    117 posts
    12 January 2020 in reply to Defencewife

    He does not deserve you!

    When someone cheats they KNOW they are doing the wrong thing, it doesn't just happen.

    You are better than this, the guilt is his and his alone.

    Head up Lady, you can do this.

    Much Love <3

  5. Bellabuddy
    Bellabuddy avatar
    1 posts
    4 February 2020 in reply to Defencewife
    I too have recently been thrown to the kerb after eight years and two children. I was wondering how you are doing now? Mine walked out nov 22 after kissing me goodbye to spend the night with another to then come home next day and kick me down to the lowest I have ever been. Ff to now and not a day goes by I’m not having debilitating anxiety attacks. I spent two months uncontrollable crying and attempted suicide. I just don’t know how to fight it. Waking every day to the thought my best friend left me. I too have no one to talk to. I too was the strength of the family and now I’m alone trying to deal with betrayal and urging myself to move on but I can’t and I don’t know why. I just wanted to check how you are now? And to let you know that grieving the loss of someone who is still alive is the hardest
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Kurto87
    Kurto87 avatar
    2 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Bellabuddy

    Bellabuddy, reading your post made me so sad. As a husband and father myself - I really just cannot fathom how someone could ever do that to another human being, let alone their best friend and wife.

    I am so sorry this has happened to you, the pain must he absolutely excruciating 😥

  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15566 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Kurto87

    Hello Kurt, I agree with you and my heart breaks when reading Bellabuddy's comment.

    Love is such a strange word, it has so many different interruptions to it by anyone who uses it, so we can love someone but don't want to live with them, or is it used as a platonic gesture, but when you sign off with this and then the person betrays you, that's when a hole in your heart suddenly appears and yes it is excruciating.

    It can be broken but it can be repaired over and over again, just as it did in my 25 year marriage, until it finally ended.

    I still love my ex, but now it's in a different way and the transition period between true admiration to platonic love was a very difficult period, one I never hope I have to experience again.

    Best wishes.


  8. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    117 posts
    13 April 2020 in reply to Defencewife
    just checking in. How'r you doing? R U ok?

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