I don't like to label myself, but these are the keywords of my story - lost mum, an only child, Chinese, living remotely. I am seeking help.
I have been
chatting with a Psychologist since April this year, however, I still don't know how to cope with my mum's death. She was my biggest supporter, she was always there, she was my bestie... My stomach is still in knots. I cannot even unfold any of her clothing. My tears are flowing any time I remember her face and the last picture haunting me in my mind was her body was full of tubes and her closed eyes.
Exactly 4 months ago today, I lost my mum so suddenly. I was on my lunch break at work and was told by my auntie, my mum was in ICU and after 4 hours, she is gone, heart-attack. She was only 59! I was even talking to her on messenger the day before, everything was fine, no last words, she was gone. I was in Australia, she was in China. My husband and I flew immediately back to China the next day and attended the funeral, only days before China and Australia locked down both countries.
Because of the Covid-19 situation, after 14 days of quarantine in China, many tasks were still outstanding. I have not yet chosen the tomb. Things are undone, unfinished. According to Chinese culture, I haven't completed/performed my duty to my mum yet. Her ashes were stored in a small box in a storeroom at a funeral house.
I am the only carer of my mum (my Dad and Mum separated), I feel really guilty in the whole situation; if I don't live in Australia, if I can spend more time with her, these things may not happen.
My husband, Australian and Chinese families, friends, work, boss, colleagues, have been providing great support to me. Coming back to Australia, we have been quarantined for another 14 days self -isolation and since then I have been working from home. Due to a career advancement decision, my husband and I moved to a remote regional country town, there are no family members and close friends here. I miss the face-to-face chat.
I don't know how to deal with the whole situation, my best mentor - she left me, I don't know how to deal with life without her.
Help me, as an extroverted person I think talking about this on an online forum might help.