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Forums / Grief and loss / Couldn’t say goodbye to parents- Travel Ban

Topic: Couldn’t say goodbye to parents- Travel Ban

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mandy B
    Mandy B avatar
    3 posts
    24 November 2020

    Year 2020 been so harsh to everyone but it couldn’t be more worst then not been able to say goodbye and attend last rites of our old parents due to border closure.

    Grief in itself is not easy to deal with but not being able to do last rites is beyond sadness. Feeling of helplessness makes you choke. You yearn for it but you know you cannot do anything about it and when you cannot do anything about it, you feel hopeless about life. Worst is when you cannot support your left alone parent. When you cannot go and hug your mom or dad when they need you the most. They are old and vulnerable and dealing with their grief alone. Thinking about them makes you feel depressed and affects your health. You feel angry about situation and feel completely devastated. Sometimes you may even feel that you cannot bear this pain and feel like committing suicide but then another moment you realise you cannot even do that because you have family to take care. You feel stuck in this loop and keep on fighting within yourself with no one to support you.

    Anybody feeling this way then this is the place we can support each-other. No body should fight alone with grief. We cannot change the situation but we can definitely share our pain. No one deserves this punishment of being alone in grief. Though it’s hard time but it will pass. Let’s get together and support each other. Reach out if you going through the same pain. You will be fine ... just hang in there and don’t loose hope . That’s all we have !!

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5937 posts
    24 November 2020 in reply to Mandy B
    Hi Mandy,

    Thank you for sharing this with us all here today. 2020 has been a tough year and we're sorry that you didn't get a chance to offer comfort or say goodbye to your parents becuase of the pandemic restrictions. We hope the support, advice and conversation on offer here helps you and others to process such grief.

    Please remember, the qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service are available for brief counselling, support and referrals all day every day on 1300 22 4636 or by email (replies within 24 hours) or webchat (1pm to midnight AEDT) via: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support. Please don't hestitate to reach out to them.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10373 posts
    2 December 2020 in reply to Mandy B

    Dear Mandy B

    You are kind to offer support to others while going though such a huge loss yourself.

    Losing parents is one of the hardest things one has to face in life, and to be isolated makes matters worse, the distance and frustration very much takes its toll - on all, both you and your parents.

    My own best friend passed away recently, which is not the same as a parent I know, but I was not able to see him and could only talk via phone when the only one on the ward was not being used. Even so I found he was as concerned about the effect his passing was gong to have on his mum and dad, and friends such as myself. He looked on his passing as natural and accepted it.

    I hope there was someone where your parents were who could talk to them about everyday things and leave them feeling more at peace. I'm sure they would have been very aware of your love, even if they could not feel a hug or even your hand. After all your have been part of each others lives for a a very long time and they wold know you..

    There is a good service

    Griefline on 1300 845 745

    https://griefline.org.au/

    which can sometimes help, simply by talking. They are experienced and I'd add them to Sophie_M's excellent recommendations

    You mentioned family, I hope there is someone there who you can support and who can in turn support you.

    There are no real words, all I can suggest is a link. I wish there was more

    Croix

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Mandy B
    Mandy B avatar
    3 posts
    17 July 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Thank you so much for your kind words and your support. It means alot. Hope people who lost their parents in this pandemic and couldn’t find any help csn get some support here.

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