I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling so lonely. Long story short, my grandma died three months ago, and at that already turbulent time my three and a half year relationship with my girlfriend ended.
I was already not in a great place before all this happened, I wasn’t happy where I was in life mostly because 1. I’m in a job I no longer get any satisfaction out of, and it feels like my life is going nowhere and 2. I hurt my back really badly a back in June and had to stop lighting weights which is the only exercise I enjoy. Because of this I stupidly started pushing my girlfriend away, and things boiled over shortly after an overseas trip where we felt more like friends than SO’s at times.
On top of the negative thoughts I already had, I’m so full of regret and guilt that it’s eating me away, both over my relationships with my grandma and my now ex-girlfriend.
I’m trying to make changes in my life, but it’s really hard to do even the smallest things. I’ve applied to go back to uni to follow my career dream but I didn’t get in for the first round and that hit me hard. I feel like my happiness is tied to whether or not I get in to uni this year. But at the same time even if I do get in I can’t help but compare myself to my peers, many of whom are off getting married and/or are in careers they enjoy. It also really didn’t help that the night I told my parents my girlfriend and I had broken up my dad let slip that my previous ex is now engaged. Meanwhile I’m back single again at 28 and wanting to go back to uni to do another undergraduate degree. I have zero motivation and I’m so tired with life in general. I have a history of melancholic depression and I’m currently seeing my GP and a psychologist, but I feel they’re not helping me as much as they have in the past.