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Forums / Grief and loss / Depression compounding grief

Topic: Depression compounding grief

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    21 November 2018

    I lost a friend/co-worker suddenly last night although sudden not entirely unexpected. I feel like I don't know what to do, I've had this feeling with grief before and I know it's only early in the grief process. I was feeling down before but now I feel even more down, like everything is pointless now. We were friends but not super close friends and I feel like I shouldn't be or don't have the right to be feeling such strong grief over her death. I feel like if I wasn't depressed, my grief would be more proportional. I actually feel embarrassed to feel so overwhelmingly sad.

    Does anyone know any tips on dealing with grief exacerbated by depression?

  2. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10556 posts
    22 November 2018 in reply to SmileySocks

    Dear SmileySocks~

    I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and co-worker. I've read some of you other posts and know you are having a very difficult time, and now you have the death of your friend on top of all the rest.

    Your work situation sounds horrible, and such a corrosive atmosphere will deeply affect all aspects of you life, and I'm sure you know this.

    I've experienced grief for those close, and those whom I thought were mere acquaintances and came to the conclusion there is no scale, no appropriate response, the mind and emotions simply go there own way.There is also no correct period.

    There is no 'ought' or 'should' or 'right'. Grief just happens and while it is true it is just about always composed not only of the loss, but also other things in life that really is irrelevant. One still goes through the stages (or most of them ) anyway. One does not control it's severity or duration.

    In passing I'll mention that medication can have an effect too, though I've no idea if that applies here.

    Is there anyone in you life to share your feeling with?

    Take your time, you may not sort out you feelings until much later. In the meantime talk here as much as you'd like.

    Croix

    3 people found this helpful
  3. Rishie
    Rishie avatar
    50 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to SmileySocks
    HiSmileySocks
    Yes, I do think depression makes grief harder to deal with. When my Auntie died earlier this year it hit me hard, even though we weren't really close. I think each loss affects us differently and we shouldn't feel bad because we are affected by the loss of someone. My love died a few months ago and people keep telling me to move on and get past it, but I tell them grief takes time and I'm not going to rush it. Depression and loneliness have exacerbated the grief, but I'm getting through it and you will get through your grief too.
    2 people found this helpful
  4. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    23 November 2018 in reply to Croix

    Thank you Croix, things are quite difficult at the moment and I think the added grief is what's making me feel so awful at present.

    You're right about both those things, it is horrible and affecting all aspects of my life. My psych and I actually discussed this in todays session. Getting another job isn't really an option just now so my psych is helping me to deal with the toxic environment.

    Yes the mind and emotions really do go their own way and sometimes it's hard to keep up with/process the thoughts and feelings.

    That makes sense, I lost my dear Nan last year and all I could do was let the grief happen, it was so overwhelming I was absolutely devastated for a long time, I still miss her terribly of course but It's also added to the grief I'm feeling now, bringing back some of those feelings.

    Also my friends death is the third one I've experienced in the last two months, sometimes I feel like I keep getting knocked down.

    No I'm not on any meds, my gp will only prescribe psych meds as a last resort and I respect that as I'm not sure I want to be on meds. I have been on them in the past and they didn't help. My doctor at the time wasn't interested in trying a different medication or different dose so I tapered off them.

    There is and I've had a talk with them today, I still feel pretty bad but I do feel a little better after sharing how I feel.

    Thanks I will, I'm trying to keep up a self care routine and take it easy on myself while I sort out my feelings.

    SS

  5. SmileySocks
    SmileySocks avatar
    39 posts
    24 November 2018 in reply to Rishie

    Hi Rishie,

    First let me say how sorry I am for your losses. You never get over the loss of someone, the grief changes but it never goes away. I think people tell others to get over a death because grief makes people uncomfortable. You will move through the grief at your own pace and it takes time, sometimes a lot of time even a lifetime.

    Thank you for your words, I hope you're doing ok.

    SS

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