Hi CT, welcome
Sorry for your double loss.
I had a school friend for 30 years after leaving school. Never could he relate to my high emotions. Then his father died. I was beside him at the cemetery as he grieved, crying uncontrollably. The next day I asked him how it was, that experience of crying that I'd never seen him do before. He said it was awful. I told him that has been my experience every second day all my life. He then understood my depression, dysthymia and bipolar 2 I was later to be diagnosed with.
People just cant relate to us, its that simple and we cant expect them to for the gap between the mentally ill and those without it is enormous...its simply too hard for them to do.
As I see it, you have a couple of choices. You can return to your "roots" and pick up your life in the states where it was left off. Or you can change your life here to help you to cope. Lets only talk about the latter.
Do you or can you own a dog/cat? If you can do so. Unbelievable company but choose wisely so the animal isn't a chore but a real companion. Do you reside in the city? Then consider a move out further to help smell the roses, maybe grow you own vegies. Do you have a passion? A hobby? Then consider your interests and pursue them.
All these suggestions is for diversion of your energies and thoughts. They assisted me in moving forward during my most saddest times. Sometimes we need to feed our brains with input to allow it to cope. It just cant do everything by itself. That's just my view.
Don't be ashamed. You are not a superman.