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Forums / Grief and loss / How Do I Move Forward?

Topic: How Do I Move Forward?

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. CT0211
    CT0211 avatar
    1 posts
    20 November 2015

    In June of 2014 I moved to Australia to be with my fiance--leaving my family and friends in east coast of the states. I left knowing that my mother's ongoing battle with addiction wasn't improving. My biggest fear when leaving was that something would happen to my mom while I was away. That fear came true on Easter morning when I woke up to a phone call from my father and brothers telling me that my mother had passed away. Since that day my heart has been broken and is nowhere near healed.

    I went back to the states with my partner for the services and came back 3 weeks later to continue my life in Australia. A month and a half later my partner and I had split and I decided to stay in Australia on my own. The past 5 months have been a constant struggle. Feeling every emotion possible--all at a heightened level. Whenever I feel like I've taken 2 steps forward I find myself going backwards again. 

     I realised in this time period that grief isn't just about death--it's about loss. I lost two things, my mom and my relationship. I lost the two most important people in my life and I feel that no one around me gets it at all.

    On the surface I seem OK for the most part, people can't see the pain that I'm going through but the pain is so significant and it's not getting easier. I find that I can't talk to anyone to TRULY tell them about my pain. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't find the words. I can't even figure it out myself.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9412 posts
    20 November 2015 in reply to CT0211

    Hi CT, welcome

    Sorry for your double loss.

    I had a school friend for 30 years after leaving school. Never could he relate to my high emotions. Then his father died. I was beside him at the cemetery as he grieved, crying uncontrollably. The next day I asked him how it was, that experience of crying that I'd never seen him do before. He said it was awful. I told him that has been my experience every second day all my life. He then understood my depression, dysthymia and bipolar 2 I was later to be diagnosed with.

    People just cant relate to us, its that simple and we cant expect them to for the gap between the mentally ill and those without it is enormous...its simply too hard for them to do.

    As I see it, you have a couple of choices. You can return to your "roots" and pick up your life in the states where it was left off. Or you can change your life here to help you to cope. Lets only talk about the latter.

    Do you or can you own a dog/cat? If you can do so. Unbelievable company but choose wisely so the animal isn't a chore but a real companion. Do you reside in the city? Then consider a move out further to help smell the roses, maybe grow you own vegies. Do you have a passion? A hobby? Then consider your interests and pursue them.

    All these suggestions is for diversion of your energies and thoughts. They assisted me in moving forward during my most saddest times. Sometimes we need to feed our brains with input to allow it to cope. It just cant do everything by itself. That's just my view.

    Don't be ashamed. You are not a superman.

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. BKYTH
    BKYTH avatar
    200 posts
    21 November 2015 in reply to CT0211
    What you are experiencing is a normal response to a difficult situation and is not indicative of someone with a mental illness even if you have mental health issues. Learning to move forward from experiences such as you describe is something everyone has to do.                                                                                                                                My experience is that those around us usually are of no help to us at times like this. Given a similar set of circumstances such as you describe they too would be lost and overwhelmed. Its hard to be wise and to know what to say to someone who is having to deal with what you are confronted with. Don't be to hard on them.               At times like this we are expected to act as though we are OK and dealing with the loss and the pain regardless of the reality. Have you considered seeking some grief counselling? That could assist you in finding the words you need to find to express your inner turmoil. You need to get help. At times like this we all need to be supported. I think that it is not answers that are required at times like this but someone to assist us in giving shape and a voice to what we are experiencing.        You must initiate the means whereby you can move forward and I suggest you do that NOW. Nothing could be more important for you than to do that.                                                                                                                                  Philip.

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