Almost a month ago now I lost my beloved partner to suicide. We had been together for almost fifteen years and were planning to start a family. We fought before he died and I think he was worried I was going to hurt myself. I feel such enormous guilt, in addition to mourning my favourite person in the entire world I’m also mourning the future we would have had together. I feel like I’m drowning.

Hi LYCB,

Thank you for sharing this with us, we're so sorry for your loss. We can hear the love and care for your partner in your post, and we want to offer you our condolences at this time. It must be incredibly hard, and we can hear you are dealing with a lot of difficult feelings. Please know that you've come to a really good space to share this, full of amazing people, some of whom may be able to relate to some of what you're going through. It can't have been easy to share this here, so we're grateful that you did.

Are you connected with any grief or counselling services currently? Our lovely friends at Griefline are available 6am-midnight AEDT every day on 1300 845 745. They offer confidential counselling support, free of charge, to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but can also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you might find beneficial.

We can hear you feel like you're drowning. We're sorry to hear that. We're reaching out to you privately to see if we can offer some support. Please also know that the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are always available to talk through these feelings on 1300 22 4636, or you can get in touch with us online, here.

I’m sure we’ll hear from the lovely community here soon, but in the meantime, here’s some things it might be useful to have a look at:

• Our pages on Grief and loss, including some advice on supporting yourself and reaching out
• GriefLine’s resources for those affected by Grief and loss, such as the EAST Self-care guide, which helps you to protect self-care practices that can be easily forgotten in overwhelming times.

Hopefully we'll hear from the community soon. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready. This community is here for you, anytime.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

Thank you Sophie. I have been connected to a counsellor. I don’t know how to process this grief at all so I look forward to speaking with them.

Hello Dear LYCB,

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums...

I am so deeply sorry to read about the tragic passing of your partner...My deepest and most sincere condolences..

No words I could ever say, would ease your heartache..

I am pleased to hear that you have been connected to a counsellor....I hope with all my heart, that they can help you to process your grief....

Please Dear LYCB... Can I just ask you very gently to be kind to yourself....it’s important that you try hard to care for yourself....

Here for you if you ever feel like talking...about anything you feel like....

My kindest thoughts with my care...

Grandy...

Hi LYCB,

Im so sorry for the loss of your beloved partner.

I understand this would be so hard for you.

Please know we are all a very caring supportive community and we are here for you at this sad time.

Hi LYCB

there are no words that can really help with your loss at this time...

my heartfelt condolences for the recent and tragic loss of your partner

as mentioned above...please be gentle to yourself

Paul

Thank you for your kind words. X

Thank you so much. I’ve only been on here since yesterday and this community has already been so helpful.

Thank you Paul x

Hello LYCB, my utmost and sincere condolences for what you are trying to cope with and definitely appreciate it's such a difficult time for you to find the answers which you try and unravel and undoubtedly could why you seek some answers.

We really hope your counsellor can find some answers for you, that will help be able to move on.

You have our heartbreak sympathy and wish you the very best.

My best thoughts.

Geoff. x

Thank you Geoff - I hope so too.

I’m posting again because I’m really struggling to cope. People are coming in the week to help me start clearing out the shed and house, and it’s so gut wrenching to feel like the life we shared is disappearing from around me. I don’t know what to do with this emptiness.

Hi LYCB,

Im so sorry you are struggling I understand it would be so hard for you at this time.

It would feel gut wrenching seeing all of your partners belongings disappearing around you……. I understand

Hold onto all of the beautiful memories you had together inside of you….. think of all the beautiful times you both shared together.

Your partner will always be with you and by your side.

He’s in the air that you breathe, the wind on your face , the sounds of waves crashing down and the butterflies flying around.

I believe when someone passes they are not with us in human form I believe that our bodies are our shells and our soul which is inside of us lives on just in a way of higher consciousness.

Sending you love

Hello Dear LYCB,

I am so sorry sweetheart, that your facing that devastating task...

I can understand the heartbreak that you be feeling again in sorting through and cleaning out his shed...

After my husband passed away...For me it was so heartbreaking to do that.....my son’s were with me for the major part of going through his things.....Some things I couldn’t touch...for many years later...Lots of memories again will surface for you...and I’m sure many tears will be falling for you....and that’s okay.....I do hope so much that you have someone with you that loves and cares for you, so you can lean on them when you need to...

When it all gets too much for you...please, if you can...step away and take time to breathe...I wish so much Dear LYCB...I could give you a gentle hug and reassure you that things do get better with time...but I understand that right now...you’re grieving for your soul mate, your friend, your partner...the love of your life and it doesn’t feel that way for you...

Please don’t hesitate to ring our beautiful understanding trained counsellors on 1300 22 4636...if you need to talk to someone...

We are here for you sweet LYCB...if you feel up to talking at anytime....

My kindest and warm thoughts with my care Dear LYCB..

Grandy..

Hello LYCB...

Just popping in to let you know I’m thinking of you...

land here for you if you feel or need to talk..No pressure...

Kind thoughts, Dear LYCB...

Grandy