Hi everyone, one of my closest friend's immediate family member passed away several hours ago. He was a critical stage corona patient and suffered greatly. My friend, or anyone else, cannot attend the funeral because of the quarantine. I want to be a good friend and support her, but I don't know what to say. I am genuinely out of resources here. I would be very grateful if you guys can share some pointers on bedside manner or whatever. Thanks in advance.

Hello and welcome.

A quick reply. Look at the top of the Home page of BB. There is a heap of information about mental well-being.

Mary

Hi SerotononinGril,

Thank you for your post. I'm so sorry to hear about your closest friend and yet also so appreciative for your kindness in looking for resources.

Can you explain a little more in what you mean by resources? The internet is chock-a-block full of them so just getting a little bit more clarity in what you mean can help me direct or share the best tools.

If I'm thinking about bedside manner, this is the one that comes to mind - a YouTube clip on how to help a grieving friend by Megan Devine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

and this is a handout from the ACGB website https://www.grief.org.au/uploads/uploads/How%20to%20Help%20Someone%20Who%20is%20Grieving.pdf

and the empathy menu from Emily McDowell. I love this one in particular because it helps pull out your own strengths and resources to find something that works for you and how you can help https://optionb.org/optionbthere/holidays/empathy-menu

I do hope this helps a little bit!

rt

Hi romantic_thi3f

Heaps of thanks for responding.

To make things clear, My friend is in Southeast Asia and I'm here. There is a limit to the things I can offer from another continent.

The person who died is my friend's foster parent- she was already orphaned really young, so this is really painful.

We are from a culture of tightly knit social communities- the fact that that person will get buried without even meeting the bare minimum of burial rituals, or she cannot even visit her family members and friends in this situation, makes it even worse.

Then there's the fact that this death was largely due to negligence and mismanagement- the hospitals refused to grant him admission until the last moment, the healthcare given to him was not enough and the COVID tests were misleading- positive once and negative next.

Also, we were supposed to observe Eid festival together after fasting for one month. All of us were happy and video-chatting and then this randomly happened. Life feels so cruel right now idk.

Hi lights_will_guide_you_home,

It's good to hear back from you. You're right, them living in Southeast Asia definitely makes things difficult! Grief is hard enough, and grief in the time of COVID-19 is just a whole new level. I imagine that it also adds a new level when there is negligence and mismanagement too - it's so complex and so hard.

What do you think your friend needs from you right now? Might it be something like a virtual shoulder to cry on? Or something a little more practical?

This might be a weird question, but what sort of rituals would be custom during this time? Is it possible that they could be adapted in a slight way? For example some funerals are actually live streaming for other family to watch, or having messages/videos from the family played at the funeral...?

rt

Hi,

Really sorry for the late reply.

I couldn't really do much from here, but they seem to be coping all right. It is still really hard for them, I feel really bad for the orphaned children. But all we can do now is thoughts and prayers.

Thanks a lot.